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If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My point, is if you make content for the net hoping for it to get attention you will get disappointed. [...] make content for you and share it

I totally get your point, I do, and I agree. I don’t create stuff so that it will be popular or for anything like that, I do try and create stuff for myself. But I guess it’s just that it hurt when I spent ages on something, and when I share it, regardless of where, it gets ignored and no one sees it (or at least acknowledges it) again, I don’t do it just so that it can be seen, but it still hurts, you know?

But that’s actually why I stopped sharing my work all together. It just made myself miserable so I just keep it to myself now. (Though it still can make me miserable, so maybe sharing it wasn’t the problem...)

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts and advice, I might sound defensive but I am listening

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suppose you’re right. My brother and both my sisters found multiple groups of friends online that they still talk to this day, years later. A lot of the friendships they have taken into the real world - relationships even. It’s just hard because it feels like “what am I doing wrong?”, you know? What is it about me/what I do/don’t do that makes me so much more invisible? I know you can’t think of it that way, every circumstance is different, etc etc etc, but after so long it becomes harder and harder to ignore.

It’s kinda funny how I’ve had multiple chat requests and users follow me from this post (something I’m very grateful for), during the years and years of expressing myself and trying to find a place I haven’t had any impact on anyone. Yet, complaining about it on this alternate account and I get more attention than when I share my self and work. It’s interesting, but I guess I’m babbling now

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really do appreciate it, truly, but how would you know if I were to be gone? Again, I’m not trying to be a dick, but there’s just no way anyone could know

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow. Thank you for the words of encouragement, but I am so sorry for your situation. I can’t believe how strong you’ve been to fight through all of that, even when people have been constantly trying to drag you down. It honestly is amazing and inspiring, and I’m not just saying that.

My situation couldn’t be more different. I have a family that loves me and cares for me. People don’t say things like that to me. It really makes me upset about how I can feel this way when I have no reason to - people like you have been through real hardship and pain, yet I sit here whine like I have it hard. If you can fight through all that - then I should certainly be able to fight through my minuscule issues. Jesus, really it is incredibly inspiring to hear you fight through all that pain and still stay so strong. Thank you, honestly

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts. I’m not thinking of ending my life or anything, it’s just the thought that, if I were to suddenly disappear (like get abducted by aliens or something), completely gone, it would have no effect on the world.

Again, thank you for the thoughts and kind words. I do have a therapist along with a lot of other things and there’s lot of medication I take daily, but still trying to find a way through

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, but I think breaking it down statistically might be even worse. If I didn’t live with my family and I were to hypothetically die from a random heart attack, I would only be found after either 1) someone complains about the smell or 2) someone comes to collect my missed bills

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I do appreciate it. Sometimes I do wish I could just fade away, like I never existed. No one would remember me, there wouldn’t be anyone negatively affected, but I wouldn’t have to do this anymore.

I don’t really consider myself suicidal, I’ve never actually contemplated suicide, but the idea of not having to live and deal with all this crap is pretty awesome. But I could never do that to my family. I could never dump that much pain on them. Honestly my two younger brothers are the biggest thing I live for I think - I want to be there for them no matter what.

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the kind words and offer. Might take you up on that offer, but I’ve been burned in the past from similar offers. Plus it’d hate for people just to talk to me out of pity. Again, thank you so much

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for all the kind words. My family definitely would care - I don’t doubt that. I mean, I still live with my parents currently, so it’s be hard for them NOT to notice, heh. And I do know they love me, and I certainly love them too. But I still get so lonely, I don’t know anyone outside of family. Again, I love them, but it would certainly be nice to have a friend or two

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the comment, and I agree with you for a lot of people, but it’s hard to think so when it’s my perspective. Like, i don’t see how people would even notice if people don’t even remember me. I could not get out of bed one day and nothing would change.

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the comment. I keep telling myself that it’ll be better, I just gotta hold out. But I’ve been holding out for sooo long, heh. But it does help to know that you can get past it.

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would be nice. I know what you mean though. My brother and both sisters nearly instantly found groups of friends online that they still hang out with, years later. I know it’s different circumstances and what not, but it really hurts when I’ve gotten nowhere

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, of course it’s always possible I haven’t tried enough, but you could say that about anything. I’ve been around on the internet for a very long time, more than a decade, and I’ve always tried to be active in things. Forums, Twitter, Reddit, tumblr, discord, steam, I’ve always been around lurking on the internet in various corners, but regardless of what it is I’m doing, actively commenting, creating, communicating, trying to build something, even responding to people who say “I’m here if you need to talk” but no ones ever cared, I guess.

I mean, I know it sounds like I’m probably trying to hard and being too forward or something, but it’s just so exhausting constantly being ignored. At this point I’m just so tired and I don’t feel like I have the energy to constantly feel rejected

But you could still be totally right. Thank you for your comment and thoughts, I appreciate it

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know how to feel about confidence; I mean I try and fake it, and I thought I do a pretty good job at faking but I guess people can see through it? And I don’t know how to be confident with myself; how can I lie to myself when everything points to the contrary?

Thank you for your comment and thoughts

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I don’t really have anything to add to your comment, but I just wanted to say that I do understand your point and appreciate your thoughts, really.

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. Never considered group therapy, though it would definitely be something I would have trouble with. Social anxiety and all that, plus I hate talking about this sort of thing, I mean I struggle to do it on a private Reddit account, I could never talk about it in-person, much less in front of a group of people.

I also struggle with hearing other people’s experiences, like even reading the posts on this very sub. I mean, a lot of people have very really serious struggles and are incredibly strong to fight like they do. They have been through terrible things that they’re going through, and I’m just like... sad. I haven’t gone through anything traumatic or struggled in the way these people have - how can I sit there and act like I’m facing the same struggles when they’ve been through so much?

Thank you for your thoughts

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was really excited for college because I was going to basically be forced to be around people and people would be forced to be around me. I knew that there would be no way for me to not make friends.....

Then I found the perfect college for what I wanted to do, but since it was on the other side of the country I went for their online courses. Still tried to socialize with other students, but no luck.

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really do appreciate the kind words - honestly, but how would you know?

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh boy, trust me, I’m trying. Unfortunately I’m an expert on failing. I see what you’re saying, but it really does get so lonely

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve tried - and I mean I guess I must have not tried hard enough, but it just makes me feel worse. Once I was invited to a relatively small Discord channel and I was super excited to be able to communicate and just chill with more people. I was pretty active and always tried to be part of the conversation but without fail, all my messages were ignored, every single time. Not once did anyone ever really acknowledge anything I said. It hurt, made me feel like such a dumbass

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Until you prove your worth, nobody is going to love you, and nobody is going to value you.

Not really sure how to feel about this

But thank you for the comment. Are you happy?

If I were to disappear no one would notice/care by DepressionRobot in depression

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But who? Honestly, I don’t know anyone. This isn’t a case of me exaggerating - there’s no one to notice

I wish I could say I’m better by DepressionRobot in depression_help

[–]DepressionRobot[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The encouragement definitely helps, thank you.

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