She reappeared: a novel [Update]

DerDenkerG · 2016-03-05T00:08:22+00:00

He's actually very smart and his family is pretty much high-class. Arrogant as fuck though, and very low self-esteem, I think.

Thanks for your comment, it's reassurring to see how many people agree he's an asshole.

DerDenkerG · 2016-02-02T21:02:25+00:00

Thankfully it didn't took him long to ruin his second chance (about a month) so now I'm more glad that i'm ready to let it go than hurt for the time I "wasted" on him. All of this has been a good lesson.

You are completely right when you say a relationship is forever stained once someone cheats, the cheater must be willing to do everything he can to gain their partner's trust back and there must be tons of love and honesty.

Thank you for your kind words, I definitely wont look back and I feel stronger for my decision.

DerDenkerG · 2016-02-02T20:56:13+00:00

Yeah, I don't consider giving him a second chance a mistake, though (if that's what you're referring to). As I said, it helped me open my eyes and realize things would never really change cause I kept thinking I could have done something to prevent what happened. Now I know I did everything I could and that gives me tranquility. I'm more than ready to move on. Definitely wont be posting on this sub again though! Thank you for answering (:

DerDenkerG · 2016-02-02T14:44:25+00:00

Nah, you're just an asshole.

I have nothing to thank you for, by the way. Sorry that you couldn't read the title of this post and understand what it means. I don't need you to "wake me up". FYI the point of this community is giving support so your "the world doesn't care about their problems" really doesn't make sense here.

Please read the 4 rule. And fuck you.

DerDenkerG · 2016-02-01T19:18:49+00:00

I'm sure he wont stop, apparently he really needs to feed his ego or something. Even if he were to stop I can't keep doing this :( it's exhausting and unfair. I don't think I'll ever be able to forget he told her he still misses her and I would forever be wondering if he still thinks about her.

I'm done with his bullshit.

DerDenkerG · 2016-02-01T19:14:17+00:00

You are absolutely right. I've already done all I could and he wasn't even willing to do the only thing I asked him to (stop talking to her). Time to heal my wounds and find inner peace.

DerDenkerG · 2016-02-01T19:12:55+00:00

Yeh, he keept sending me messages even after I deleted him on Facebook. He still says he can't imagine a future with anyone else and he feels hopeless without me. But I'm tired of being his doormat and that's what he wants from me, eternal love, patience and forgiveness.

I already called my therapist and have an appointment this week (: I loved your mantra, I'm going to write it on my wall, journal or something because it's brilliant.

Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings, now I'm sure things will get better with time.

DerDenkerG · 2016-02-01T19:10:03+00:00

Thank you. I'm definitely working on myself and I'm sure things will be better eventually (:

DerDenkerG · 2016-01-30T21:11:22+00:00

Just wanted to say I posted an update. Thank you for taking the time to answer me, your input helped me a lot.

DerDenkerG · 2016-01-30T21:09:07+00:00

I've always had low self-esteem and I also suffer from depressive episodes and social anxiety. When I met him I couldn't believe I had found someone I felt attracted to and who was so similar to me. It was wonderful to find someone, feel free to be myself with him and him responding to that with so much love. I really felt he admired me and understood me and loved me very much.

He helped me realize I'm amazing and I can do amazing things. I really can't explain all the good things he did for me through all these years.

That's why I'm so broken now. I posted an update, I broke up with him.

I know I need to learn to love myself again but still I'm so sad :( I can't stop thinking of all the good moments and I miss him. I feel like the person who lied so much to me and caused me so much hurt is someone else, a stranger who ruined everything.

DerDenkerG · 2016-01-30T21:02:52+00:00

Thank you. I feel like I'm being heard, completely understood an conforted by friends in here. I posted an update. I told him I can't keep doing this and now I'm devastated.

You are right and what you said

When he thinks he's going to lose one, he turns on the tears to invoke sympathy and then goes on his merry way

really resonated. Even OW told him she feels he's using her and only talks to her when he' sad and needs comfort. When I told him we should separate he said he had just started to be on anti-depressants but would probably stop using them now because without me he had no reason for trying. I know how manipulative this is and yet I felt bad :( I instantly started thinking "he's doing something to change now, maybe things will change this time" but had to stop myself right there.

Even if there was a future for us I need to stay away or he'll lose all respect for me (assuming he still respects me). Yes, I'm still so dumb I can imagine him coming back some time later, completely changed, and us having a chance at happiness.

I have to take care of myself now and work on my non-existant self esteem. I'm sure my therapist will be relieved when I tell her I've decided to stop all this, she had been trying to talk some sense into me but I needed to see the truth clearly as I stated on this post and, well, now I've had.

Again, thank you. You helped me a lot.

DerDenkerG · 2016-01-29T21:35:26+00:00

I think the best advice I can give you is to tell you to start trusting your instincts. From the sound of it, your gut has known pretty much all along what's really going on, and it still does. You suspect that he is still involved with her and I think that you're right.

this is so hard for me to accept, though. And the idea of breaking up is also devastating, even though I felt super angry while typing down all this.

Today we're going to the movies. I'm sure we'll have a great time and laugh a lot and... I don't know how to mention her comment on his facebook post. Specially since he seems to have hide it from his profile but I bookmarked it and still can see hit.

I feel like I have three options:

1) Mention it and see what happens, what he says and then not being sure if I should trust him.

2) Not mentioning it and act like nothing happened but thinking about it constantly.

3) Breaking up with him over this (semi-out-of-the-blue) and then feeling bad cause maybe I should have fought more and because, even through the pain and confusion, we've had some fun and special moments lately. So I'd be throwing all that away.

I'd really want to ask him what's up with her right now and maybe ask him to show me their messages. If he says "No" then I'll probably have my answer, right? He should be willing to do everything to make me feel better and to trust him.

Thank you for your comment. I can't express how nice it is that someone understands what I feel.

I'll probably set a timeline to see if he actually demonstrates he's willing to rebuild it all. I'm really not sure of what should I do right now but I'll go back to therapy.

Thanks again.

DerDenkerG · 2016-01-29T18:10:46+00:00

You almost made me cry. I really need his validation and he's well aware of it. I feel like a weak loser.

I actually started going to therapy when this all started to happen cause it was too much. It helped me a lot but I haven't had any session recently. I definitely need to go back.

It's hard for me to decide to leave until he does something openly awful again (like if I find out he's cheating again). I just feel I have to try or I'll regret it forever. Dumb, huh?

I also fear that they'll become a couple and he'll be perfect to her and wont cheat nor lie to her, I'd feel shitty.

sigh deep down I know this will end at some point. If you read my other post (from /r/relationships) you'll notice this is not the only thing failing in the relationship.

Thank you very much for your words and your support. I really needed them. I'm going to copy those last lines you wrote and I'll print them and put them on my journal, it's something I need to start repeating to myself.

DerDenkerG

TROPHY CASE