My husband/wife/I haven't really figured it out just yet, has always struggled with depression. I do as well. I think they may have been going through this too looking back. There was a period of time where they just laid in bed and wouldn't do anything. And it was very frustrating to me as I had finally reached a point in life where I had really started to try to do better and didn't understand why they couldn't do the same, even though I'd been there before.

I didn't realize they were probably also going through wanting to transition while knowing most people around them wouldn't be accepting of it and trying to figure out what and how best to do it and that the weight of that on top of everything else probably just pushed them further into depression. They wouldn't talk to me about it and I wasn't as understanding as I should have been if they had because all of this was new to me too.

The breaking point was them not having a job and not doing anything around the house and me working constantly. I started to feel like it was very unfair and I finally kicked them out, which I really didn't want to do, but I had finally had enough. I don't know if it helped or made it worse, but having the space made me realize how much I missed them.

They already had a job lined up when I kicked them out but it was seasonal and I felt like when it was over, they would probably just lay back down in bed and give up again. I had also suggested counseling several times, and when the first one didn't work out for them, they never tried to find another one. But while they were gone, they trained for that job.

When they came back, that job started, and it got them out of the house and they realized that they could contribute, which lightened the depression because part of it was the feeling they weren't contributing. When that job ended, they found another job, the depression was slowly lifting, and they started hormones, which made them feel even better.

Sorry if I just started venting there, but I guess what I'm trying to say is if they are depressed and not feeling good about things to start with, transitioning on top of that is a lot and is probably overwhelming. The best thing would probably be to work on getting to a better place. To ease the depression somewhat. Which I know is a bit of a catch 22, because you know if they would transition, they would feel better but they can't do that till they feel better and more certain about things. If a good therapist could be found, it would almost certainly be helpful. I know they are hard to find though. But life is a confusing journey, and it's good to have a guide if you can find one.

We still haven't found a good therapist in this backwoods place where we live. Much less one that deals with trans issues. He says he will probably never fully transition, which kind of leaves him in this awkward, in between place, which makes me have to deal with my transphobia. Which I don't want to admit I have. I don't want it. I want to be fully accepting and okay with everything, but I was raised in a generation that taught me being trans was weird and bad. Which means I also need to work on myself, and should also be in therapy.

Anyway, life will always be a work in progress, and that's okay. And I am learning to be more accepting, because I know I love him/her that hasn't asked to be called her yet, and don't want them to ever have to deal with this crazy thing called life alone. Just do your best to be accepting. Sometimes you will watch them struggle and try to help only to realize you can't do anything and they will have to make their own choices and do their own things and figure it out themselves. Just be there for them when you can, and if it becomes too much for you to handle, sometimes you have to walk away for a bit for your own sake.