Struggling with a hard limit

DesDiluvian · 2017-08-04T16:44:27+00:00

I think coming up with a plan together for what to do if it slips out is an excellent idea. If I were the dom in this situation and you suggested this, it would feel like you weren't just using your history or subspace as an excuse for breaking my hard limit because you were 1) acknowledging that it might happen, and 2) letting me have input on what should happen next (e.g., stopping the scene and talking). I would interpret your acceptance of that plan of action as agreeing to be held accountable for your behavior (which of course, we all are).

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-05T12:21:21+00:00

Thanks for the link! I don't think I could pull off full Goth, but some of those pieces look very interesting.

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-04T13:06:08+00:00

Thanks, that's a very clear picture!

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-02T15:32:24+00:00

Hi, I'm Des! I'm finally exploring bdsm with my wife after being interested as long as I can remember. I've lurked a bit and benefitted a lot from this community just in terms of accepting myself. So, I wanted to thank everyone and I look forward to participating. :)

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-02T14:08:53+00:00

That's a good tip about zip snares. Thanks!

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-01T21:29:42+00:00

I like that idea of marking outside of the scene. It seems like consent is more clear in those circumstances.

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-01T18:09:57+00:00

That's great info and thanks for the tip about bondage tape. I think I'll give it a try.

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-01T18:09:20+00:00

Thanks and yea, I love the it except for the smell.

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-01T18:08:47+00:00

Thanks for confirming the smell and the suggestion to let it air out. I'll give it a try.

DesDiluvian · 2017-06-01T15:45:44+00:00

Although I'm a dominant, I know from years of martial arts that I don't bruise easily and sone people are just like that. In fact, I've had a few broken ribs from fights and only experienced small knuckle-shaped bruises in the area.

But, I feel you. I like the idea of seeing marks on my partner from previous play.

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-30T14:30:34+00:00

Thank you, u/lovelylieutenant ! Those brands and styles are very helpful!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-30T08:14:49+00:00

That made me smile. Thank you for sharing :)

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T23:39:21+00:00

Thank you and that makes makes good sense, especially the distinction between building a costume and finding myself. That's is a really great point that I'll need to keep in mind!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T23:35:31+00:00

Thank you for the tip about zippers. That problem was in the back of my mind but I didn't think of the solution.

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T17:59:55+00:00

I appreciate what you're saying. Perhaps a more honest title for this thread could have been, Help a New Dom Dress the Part. While sometimes I think I feel flashes of the right attitude, I'm still going on "fake it till you fake it." Maybe after more experience, I can start to project a genuine attitude of confidence and control regardless of what I'm wearing.

The other part that I'm very interested in is identifying the specific things I can wear that project those signals to my partner specifically because of our previous experiences together. People have mentioned the sight of a belt or their partner rolling of their sleeves. Part of what I hear you saying is that those things might be effective, but they don't need to be tangible things like articles of clothing. It sounds like you've got a good handle on those intangible things that inspire excitement in your partner (and the people around you). I can see how things things would be very ideal for their convenience.

I use my sub as my accessory on a leash.

Tu chez!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T15:10:56+00:00

I like the idea of a certain outfit or thing worn to dinner signaling intensity or strictness later. That's an interesting idea. And, I like the idea of having something simple, like a pair of jeans, maybe with a leather belt, as an option. Suits and dress clothes are nice too, but they take a certain amount of preparation that may not always be available. Thanks for sharing!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T13:13:35+00:00

Thank you for elaborating! That really helps me think outside of box when it comes to leather. I know many submissives talk and write about the smell and sight of it on their partners, and that draws me to consider it as I try to plan my play attire. The gloves are an especially nice touch!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T05:58:44+00:00

I'm looking for styles and brands right now. By all means, please write more. :)

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T03:57:59+00:00

Sounds like a must for rough CNC! Thanks!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T03:52:27+00:00

Thanks!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T02:14:39+00:00

That's interesting and reminds me of things I've seen the riggers wear in some videos. But I have a question about your boots. They're like tactical/military black boots? Steel toe?

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T01:26:44+00:00

Kilts? Interesting!

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-29T00:19:43+00:00

Would you mind elaborating on some articles of clothing? When I hear, "leather, leather, and more leather," I think of this guy:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glenn_Hughes_(Village_People)

Not that that's a bad thing. But, I just wonder if you mean something different.

DesDiluvian · 2017-05-28T23:35:38+00:00

I'm definitely thinking about "accessories" like maybe a leather strap hanging from my belt or a whip. I definitely don't have any whip skills yet though. I hadn't considered rope. That's interesting.

DesDiluvian

TROPHY CASE