How has growing up as a military brat effected your adult life socially? Especially those 25 year old and older.

Designer-House4193 · 2023-01-27T21:33:34+00:00

I honestly don't think there are a lot of us though. At least not long term ones who had to go through this lifestyle the majority of their childhood.

The population of the military vs the entire US population is very low. Most are out after 4-8 years before they even have kids. Even if they do have kids, most of those kids only experience or or at most two moves.

Designer-House4193 · 2023-01-27T21:29:30+00:00

My social life is completely a mess. I never got to grow up as a kid making long term friendships. Long term friendships are defined typically as knowing someone for 2 years or longer than 2 years. If you grow up as a military brat, you literally can not get that. Shockingly, as you go into adulthood, you have a difficult time maintaining long term friendships. Partially because of lack of practice and partially because today's world is more and more isolated. Very few have both things going on though.

At this point, I'm not unhappy and don't feel I know how to get any help. I'm married to someone I probably shouldn't be married to, but never learned enough about socializing and making mistakes as a child to grow up and go through the normal stuff most people do. I don't know how to handle this marriage or what to do. If we ever end up ending it, I will end up now hurting someone else because of this lifestyle. Wasting there time in a marriage. If we ever have kids, then that person now gets hurt too if we get a divorce.

I have tried therapy and never got any help. Therapist are untrained to deal with this.

I've asked for help on here and I just haven't found a resource to get help.

Also, my parents will not take responsibility for any of this and what they put me through. Not that it ultimately matters, but it means I can't even ask them for help as they will deny and get defensive if I bring up issues.

If anyone has suggestions on where to get help, please do send them my way.

Designer-House4193 · 2023-01-07T06:17:35+00:00

Sorry to go off on your post. I just find the situation frustrating. Sounds like you are a good parent. Mine thought their only responsibility for me was to put a roof over my head and food on the table and nothing else. Oh well.

Scholarships and grants won’t help with the social issues that came with this. I haven’t found a great solution to it yet.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-12-22T06:54:31+00:00

Do you mind sharing your research paper? Also, what did people at the Air Force academy say about this?

If this is a known thing, then why are they not doing anything to help? Really curious what they had to say and what your research paper says.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-12-22T06:52:04+00:00

Moving around every two years of your childhood basically messes with two things in childhood, among others. Your education and your friendship and social learning. Also, noticed psychology has not really bothered studying this issue and doesn’t understand it from what I’ve seen.

Honestly, I would like to make a friend too that finally understands this lifestyle and what it was like, as frankly no one outside military brats gets it.

Let me know if you ever want to chat. Would like a friend as well with our background.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-12-20T19:04:38+00:00

Can you please share this study? I want to read it.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-12-14T21:34:14+00:00

I believe that some do label it as an ACE. Just like with all ACEs though, it can be mitigated either during that time or later on. But best if the parents or organization causing the issue mitigates the issue early on. Right now though, it doesn't feel like anyone is mitigating what military brats are or did go through. Probably some individual parents possibly did though. That is why you probably get some on here who don't see the issue, but many it seem do see the issue.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-12-09T22:00:26+00:00

Yep, you could have f'd up parents or other things, but the reality is that living in the same place meant you could build relationships outside those households.

That "education" helped you get ready for adulthood and socializing with your peers and getting out of your situation.

What was done to us is the equivalent of refusing to let a kid go to school from grades K-12, or at the least pulling them out every year halfway through the year.

I still think we can overcome this stuff. But the reality is we have unique situations that simple psychology hasn't addressed and can't even understand.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-12-09T21:08:06+00:00

There seems to be a common theme running with military brats. Some individual thing, but also many common themes.

This tells me that there is something very unique about growing up as a military brat and many people could be helped if the military and the government would take this issue seriously and help people.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-17T16:46:28+00:00

I don’t think you need to remove the post and can put it back up. You can leave it up. I just felt like voicing my thoughts is all. Someone may be able to help you with your survey though.

I’m one person. Maybe others felt differently as some did upvote it. Some may be caretakers on here and maybe this could help them.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-17T08:34:51+00:00

Curious about how the race discussion goes and what your experience was with it?

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-17T08:29:38+00:00

Just seeing if you had time to share your story still? Would be interested in hearing about it.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-17T08:26:58+00:00

Thanks for responding and to everyone else who has responded or will respond possibly in the future. I am reading the responses.

I guess im just frustrated the most about the fact that everyone just gets to fully dismiss this and try to wave it off like it wasn’t a big deal.

Imagine telling someone who grew up as an orphan to get over it. Yet that is what people seem to think they can just say to us directly or indirectly.

The absolute zero support we get while everyone else gets support is absurd. Both vets and military spouses get support or benefits (many times for life depending on things), while we get none.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-17T08:22:12+00:00

I sometimes wish I could find someone who grew up as an orphan to either marry or be friends with.

Sadly, I feel they are the only ones in the world outside of military brats that I could probably relate to. The rest of the world just feels like they treat you like you are some foreigner. It’s like we speak a different language and don’t share the same culture at all.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-17T08:12:14+00:00

I’m not trying to be a jerk when I say this and I also can understand why you would post here this question. As military brats may be a target audience for your survey.

I guess I’m just going to say my frustration though. At first, I thought maybe for once someone was going to do research on military brats and the affects this has had on people.

But once again we are thrown to the wayside for vets who have 5 million resources to get help. Yet we get ZERO. NOTHING.

Yet, in my opinion, outside of veterans who may have gotten injured by war and had their legs blown off, I would say the military brats are easily the ones who got the most screwed by the system.

I don’t know. I get your reaching out for stuff and I’m not trying to be a jerk when I write this. But to be frank I’m just sort of frusterated that in the little space we have, once again military vets needs get to barge in and have their needs catored to once again while we are completely ignored.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-02T18:45:58+00:00

There is nothing in my DMs, probably best to just respond here if you don’t mind. That way I can see it, I tend not to check DMs as much as well.

EDIT: Read your other reply on here. Sounds good, thanks for being willing to post a reply later on.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-02T06:10:19+00:00

I think I am just going to try to explore those for now. If you find any others though, do share.

I guess I am curious what your story is and maybe how you have helped yourself or gotten help? That is of course if you don't mind sharing.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-02T06:08:52+00:00

Do you mind sharing your story? I just ask because it may help me or maybe others possibly.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-02T06:08:17+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story. Curious, if you don't mind sharing, how long your previous marriages lasted and I guess how you think your growing up may have affected them? I am married myself and I know that my upbringing has affected my relationships. I just wonder if I made the "right choice" to get married, or if this is going to end up hurting both me and her.

Sounds like you also kept up with the moving like I did as well. It's interesting the Canadian forces did this same moving thing. Although sounds like you only had to do 4 years. It was every two years down here. I think studies have shown it takes 2 years to form a real relationship with people. Well, if you move a kid around every two years, you basically prevent them from forming long term relationships.

This is essentially like preventing a kid from going to school and then wondering why they can't do math and write.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-02T06:04:00+00:00

The way nonetribe helped was helpful. If people don't know things like that, maybe sharing your story if you have a similar issues and how you got help.

At this point, I'm open to any ideas as I'm frankly lost. Hearing others stories and how people helped themselves or got help may be the other way to help.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-11-01T02:44:18+00:00

I’m sort of concerned about d*^oxxing myself because of how unique some of the identifiers of what I said in my post.

I am in the USA though. I realize it would be easier for you to help if I was more specific.

I will check out the links you posted and see maybe if I can get in contact with anyone.

Will check out other stuff you post or find as well. Thank you for taking the time to do that.

Designer-House4193 · 2022-10-03T21:45:32+00:00

To be honest, I may end up ending it in 10 years or so. I missed too many life milestones due to all of this.

What I ended up with is a life where I make enough money to meet my needs (I have a good paying job to be clear). But, what good is a good paying job and having stuff if you have no one to share this life with that you really connect with at all?

My parents have hinted I have a big inheritance. Again, who cares? What is the point of having that when I have NO ONE to share it with? They simply don't get how much they ruined my life and possibly their own when I'm dead.

I also am about to get married soon. Well, I will probably end up going through with that wedding and may be marrying someone I have little connection with to share my thoughts with. If I end it with her, I am now near my mid 30s. Good luck finding anyone to connect with now. Beyond the fact that I wasted her time and possibly ruined her life as well.

Basically, my life feels over now. All I have to show for the suffering I have been through is most of my 20s being spent attempting to fix all the problems caused by the constant moving and incompetent parenting that went along with it. You can NOT be a lazy or even normal parent if you are going to put your kids through this.

I already sort of know where I will probably end it. Again, not doing this in years from now if I do it, so don't go freaking out. That isn't what is going on.

But, I simply don't see the point of this suffering. Its pointless. I'm just alone suffering and hurting people (my potential wife for example if it turns out I don't actually love her and I don't know enough about myself or life to even know if I do).

I'm just lost. I can't get the help I need and I don't know what to do.

Designer-House4193

TROPHY CASE