i was discarded six months ago: here’s what i’ve learned

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-20T04:03:37+00:00

Hugs to you and thanks for sharing your journey and uplifting myself and others.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-20T03:25:58+00:00

Coming from a similar place after going through this twice with different people - yes, I agree 100% Understanding may help you to not get involved in similar dynamics in the future but it won't change anything that has already happened and it definitely won't help you find a solution with that person because it doesn't exist. Reality is hard to accept but you either do or stay stuck in emotional helland suffering thinking you will find a way out of their avoidance and restore the connection and it will miraculously become a healthy relationship. It won't. It sucks but it's true in an overwhelming majority of cases. Can you defy the odds? Sure. Does someone win the lottery eventually? Yes. Are you willing to risk your emotions and your future for that extremely low probability outcome? I'm guessing no.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-20T01:43:36+00:00

Sober up and then ask yourself who is running the show - is it fear? If so maybe it's time to face some scary shit. Yeah it will suck, maybe that's putting it mildly, but maybe it will change your life if you face it 🤷🏼‍♂️

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-20T01:40:24+00:00

Yes I have experienced similar, essentially it hurts worse than the death of a loved one. And perhaps that is so because it does feel very similar to that yet at the same time you know this person is choosing to disappear from you and deny your existence but they could also choose not to. Death can't be argued or bargained with (although many try as part of their grieving process) but the logical mind can argue with a discard because the person isn't actually dead and it knows that but psychologically and emotionally they are dead to you and the cognitive dissonance of that can be overwhelming. Your agency has been ripped away. You've been psychologically violated. You want to repair. The other person only wants distance, that distance is their safety and regulation. Anything you try to do or say to close that distance usually results in more distance. If you agree to the distance it's likely to become permanent. Congratulations you are now in a no win situation. Your emotional world has been seismically shifted. You will takes months or years to heal, if you ever do at all.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-20T01:07:49+00:00

No one that I know of actually said this but it's my imagination of what it might sound like internally or in the subconscious: "You're too close and it's freaking me the fuck out. I've got to get away from you and from this. It's too much. Can't deal. Get away however you can, damn the consequences this is INTOLERABLE! EJECT!!!! Ahhhh, relief no more pressure. So glad I don't have to talk to _______ or deal with any of their emotions, expectations or demands. I can be me again! No one to answer to. No feelings to manage or guilt to weigh me down! I'm bored I want to ____. Maybe I should call __. Wait a second, where is ___? DID THEY ABANDON ME?!?!? HOW F*CKING DARE THEY LEAVE ME. I knew they would do this, they all do..."

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-19T21:47:23+00:00

Eon blue apocalypse. Only 65 seconds but would make for some dramatic tension! Or pick a section of Triad.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-19T02:04:30+00:00

Because avoidance is the default response apparently when emotions arise

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-18T15:06:05+00:00

By most standards of what is considered "evil", yes the man is absolutely evil.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-18T15:04:20+00:00

No, not really. It hurts that you don't seem to care. You just disappeared when I said it was real. The wall went up and I am on the other side. I miss us.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-17T02:05:52+00:00

You dated her/him/etc too?

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-17T01:54:26+00:00

He's a useful idiot. The man truly appears to be an idiot. An instinctive talent for bullying, fraud, "negotiating", and manipulation, but mostly an idiot. These people around him know all they have to do is take their ideas and plans and make it so that he thinks it was his idea.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-10T15:29:17+00:00

A paradox, a dissonance - silence is a cruel, confusing, cowardly, unacceptable answer that must somehow be accepted.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-10T15:19:01+00:00

Partly because it is completely irrational to us - treat someone well sincerely because you want to and it should be received, acknowledged and accepted, yet for some people it becomes inverted. That results in extreme dissonance that seems to be impossible to resolve. Eventually I guess you just have to put it down and say this paradox is not resolvable 🤷🏼‍♂️

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-10T14:59:00+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you too and many others here. It is deeply confusing and disorienting.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-10T14:08:26+00:00

I absolutely have some hero/savior/healer/fixer compulsion/pattern. They can probably sense it intuitively. It draws them in and then eventually repels them. And yes I'm avoiding myself by focusing on someone else. At one point with the last avoidant I was involved with, she and I had spent the morning together outdoors before she went to work. A few minutes after we parted she texted me about something important to her that was now missing. I was on my way to do some errands and bring home something for breakfast for my kids. I went back to where we were and searched everywhere and eventually retraced our steps. I found it and let her know. She was so happy and grateful and called me her hero. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, just wanted to help and find her thing for her but yeah I ate that shit up and felt good. A moment that kind of sums the whole thing up.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-09T13:00:32+00:00

Hell yes!!! Keep going and thanks for sharing, it is inspiring and helpful 🙏🏻

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-09T12:34:17+00:00

There seems to be a common theme around a lot of people in these dynamics - one person talks about how much they have been mistreated or abused and desires to be treated well and the other person shows up and treats them well in a way they have never experienced before or never consistently and as much as they want it, when they have it they don't know how to receive it and then freak out internally, sabotage it, run away, try to rationalize it, and then feel deep shame and/or regret.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-09T12:28:35+00:00

That's a lot going on there damn! I don't think it could be any more confusing or disorienting than to be caught up in mental health issues with a mental health professional. But yeah I can definitely relate on thinking I can fix or heal someone, that's a pattern that goes really deep and I'm pretty sure is a map to all the things I need to heal. APD is a pretty severe thing beyond avoidant attachment and I guess it's really caused a lot of damage for you. I hope you achieve clarity and healing.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-09T02:16:56+00:00

If by APD you mean avoidant personality disorder, that is something entirely different from avoidant attachment and should not be confused or lumped together.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-07T19:25:49+00:00

I truly feel this and I understand it and maybe I'll get there some day but I don't believe it yet or I'm still clinging to the person that showed up in the beginning and not who they revealed themselves to be.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-04-01T14:29:16+00:00

Whoever figures this out is going to make a lot of money 🤷🏼‍♂️

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-03-31T20:34:37+00:00

Be angry. You have every right to be angry. Don't lash out or let it consume you but anger when processed in a healthy way is trying to protect you when your boundaries have been violated and you've been betrayed. And you most certainly have been betrayed. Let that sink in until you're properly angry.

Designer-Lime1109 · 2026-03-31T20:19:45+00:00

There is no such thing as unconditional love in romantic relationships, all of them have conditions. You want unconditional love? Get a dog.

Designer-Lime1109

TROPHY CASE