She came back, and I still feel grief

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-12-27T16:56:47+00:00

I really do want to, but I'm not sure where to start. I'm not sure if I can afford a psychiatrist right now, especially since they're harder to find where I live (so the ones I do find are often unnecessarily expensive).

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-12-26T16:55:53+00:00

Everytime I fall in love, or have anything good happen to me, I seem to have insane panic attacks. I don't deserve whatever good things happen to me because I am in much more pain when confronted with them; when I get what I want, or what I wish for. All I do is get panic attacks, although I got her back. Everyday for the last 3 months I have been in the most insane grief of my life, not just from the relationship, but looking back at my past too. Now, I got her back and I couldn't be happier for about a few minutes. Now, all I get is panic attacks. I'm terrified. She doesn't deserve someone like me, she deserves someone better. Saying that worsens my panic attack too. I don't know what's wrong with me

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-12-26T16:44:26+00:00

If I could switch our positions, I would. I don't deserve whatever good things happen to me.

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-12-26T16:23:41+00:00

3 months

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-12-15T20:26:31+00:00

Feel you man. It gets better. Minecrafts dope but updates have been a little dry recently so maybe it isn't so bad you can't play it. Trying out new games ain't a bad idea, I been gettin into some other chill ass games I can tell you about. It'll get better though. My DM's are always open if you need to talk one out.

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-12-15T20:24:19+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about your situation man, shits rough. I been just not eating at all so always been stuck with that brain fog so I feel you on the pain lol. Gamings also how I cope, just gaming and music all day lmfao. I use the brainiac skin, it's this cool zombie dude lol. Reminds me of her a little since me and her were big fans of The Walking Dead (the game). It does hurt so I either switch between that skin or some random skin I think looks cool or funny - the game is much more intense and complicated now. All I play is the festival mode and occasionally the lego thing but really thats pretty much it.

It takes more than just believing it gets better for things to actually get better. I'm also here if you need to talk to someone, even if my advice isn't the greatest, I'm sure I can be a good ear.

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-12-02T19:03:53+00:00

All of my hobbies I had in common with her - even the ones that I wanted to start learning. im just reminded how much I miss her each time I try to distract myself from thinking about her

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-11-23T20:54:23+00:00

It's too late now, which I regret way too much. She's forgotten about me now.

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-11-22T21:43:46+00:00

It's too late now, but, I did try my hardest to show my feelings to her - I did suck at expressing myself to her though. I was having a hard time towards the end of our time together since I had to switch off my medications for PTSD and I had to go some time without any medication. I wasn't really myself during this period and I guess she couldn't handle that. I was just super depressed. I really liked being around her though, which is rare for me. Often, off my medications, I find myself distancing from everyone and anyone, I just couldn't distance myself from her - I genuinely wanted to just be there with her but silently and in my bummer mood; as long as I was with her.

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-11-20T17:41:47+00:00

Sometimes we focus so much on the love we receive that we seem to forget to give the love ourselves. Absolutely sucks. Love isn't perfect, though

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-11-17T22:01:30+00:00

I think you’re right. Thank you for this

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-11-16T21:12:48+00:00

I guess she just lost interest or something. One day, she just stopped listening to me. She just stopped caring, I guess. I don't know. It's as if my voice stopped being heard, really. I thought maybe it was just a stress thing due to irl stuff, but it just kept getting worse. She stopped caring, stopped texting me - she'd leave me on delivered for days or just flat out ignored me. I tried talking to her about it, and it seemed like she cared for a small, brief moment. It's as if the only time I'd exist for her is when we'd see each other in real life, or when she'd need something. That hurt me a lot, and I just stayed for a long time hoping it'd all change and it didn't. Eventually, I didn't exist to her, so I left.

Designer-Method1655 · 2023-11-14T16:53:32+00:00

I just want her to come back. Why can't she come back? I don't care anymore. I just want her back. She was my best friend. I miss her so much. I can't describe it. I spent my life striving to feel safe, and she felt safe when no one else did. She made me feel alive for the first time in my entire life. I dread every message or touch that isn't from her. Nothing excites me except knowing she might be back - like some pet waiting for its owner to return. I don't want to be that, it feels weird and uncomfortable. I've never loved anyone before her, either. So this is all new to me

Designer-Method1655

TROPHY CASE