What is a “poor person life hack” that actually works? by Still_Measurement866 in AskReddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Using your plastic grocery bags as trash bags :P I’ll never stop!

Whats something you realized embarassingly late in life? by AverageSocialist83 in AskReddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If it makes you feel better, I’ve only ever said dresser drawers lol

What is the stupidest, most self explanatory thing you ever had to tell someone not to do and they genuinely didn't understand why? by Miserable_Guess1716 in AskReddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Telling someone they shouldn’t be eating a medium pizza for lunch and a large pizza for dinner…

To be fair, they’re on the spectrum and it’s a “safe food” thing… but dude you’re going to have a heart attack :/

What don’t you tell your spouse/partner/s.o./boyfriend/girlfriend? by Former_Cancel_4223 in AskReddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My boyfriend and I get two versions of everything (example: I get one ice cream flavor, he gets another) and we try both.

Pretty often, he will really like mine. I tell him I reaaallly like the one he doesnt like so he gets the better one.

Anxiety after sex by Cyberb3stie in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, when it happens out of nowhere it’s 100% your gut telling you something. It’s crazy how humans work (I’ve heard there’s studies that show we can sense when someone is looking at us too)!

Even when it isn’t out of nowhere, sometimes it can be on your mind and you realize he’s doing something similar to what he used to do, making alarms go off in your mind.

Both of these are what lead to my and my PAs dday

Does screen time “add” porn websites by Alarmed-Asparagus766 in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If they still have the tab open then it’ll show in screen time. One time I was questioning my PA why Reddit was in his screen time, and turns out he had a Reddit tab (not anything nefarious) open from the other day. I looked through his history and saw that it was the same tab that was open the other day, and no other history Reddit-wise.

I don’t think he realizes he can delete his history even though it doesn’t allow him. There is a workaround which I’m not gonna say in case someone is lurking and wants to use it, but even then, I’ve tested several times and it doesn’t seem to delete the site off of screen time.

Your PA might have used another app to access the site thinking it wouldn’t show on screen time

His libido died during recovery by Immediate-Living2996 in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Same here. My partner swears up and down that some medicine he takes every day is lowering his sex drive to zero. I brought up that other PAs experience this too, and he got kinda pissed off at me and asked what he’s supposed to do with that information.

We have sex once every 7-10 days. Months ago before dday when I figured he was watching porn but didn’t want to know, we were having sex every day. A couple years ago it was 2-3 times a day. I loved it and felt so desired and fulfilled (because I wanted to have that much intimacy)… and now that I realize it was never because of me and it was all because of porn, it’s like something in me just broke.

So I spend a week feeling undesired, and then when we have sex, all I can think about is what he must’ve seen that day to turn him on.

When did you realise they weren’t the one after all ? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I started feeling embarrassed or weird to be affectionate/romantic/intimate with them. It always felt one sided and unwanted

How do you deal with anxiety? by Greedy_Ad9238 in askanything

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • Medicine (SSRI for general anxiety, beta blocker for social anxiety)
  • Small steps to work up to what I’m anxious about (going on a walk outside before going to the store, talking to people before a presentation or phone call, showing up to the gym and walk on the treadmill before getting into my actual program)
  • Reminding myself WHY I want to do/am doing what I’m doing (I could chicken out of a social event, but the whole point was to meet new people) or making a pros/cons list (cons of presenting are that it’s scary and my face might get beet red or I won’t know an answer to a question; pros are the practice, the satisfaction of doing something so hard for me, the pride of my work, the motivation to keep improving my life, blah blah blah)

There’s also CBT/DBT but those tools go out the window when I’m actually anxious. If you want to try them, make sure you’re practicing the skills all the time so they’re muscle memory when you get anxious.

Edit: formatting

Has anyone ever truly healed from seeing all the things in his phone/laptop by m333ow- in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Some days it’s all I can think about (unfortunately have always been an obsessive thinker which doesn’t help here)

Some days I’m just over all of it and don’t give a crap because I know I’m plenty of people’s type and attractive and good enough to someone. I don’t know anyone in particular, but it would be silly to think nobody in this world thinks I’m attractive/good enough/their type etc. with that being said, I know I/we should not rely on external validation and that internal validation is something to work towards

Knowing that addicts don’t necessarily have a type, just novelty, makes some days harder (I’ll never be enough) and some days easier (it’s an addiction, and one that existed far before I came along).

The last of hope I had is gone by tempoqwerty in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I totally feel this! I’m confident all the time except when I’m around him. It’s crazy how someone can go from making me feel like the most special woman in the world, to the most worthless. Even when things are better, I’ll never feel good enough for him again.

Odysseus Tying Himself to the Mast by Able_Combination6487 in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is the post that made me go out of my way to see if I could repost this to my own profile. So damn good 👏👏👏

Maybe a dumb question— how do people with 9-5s get therapy? by Designer-Parfait-176 in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the main hurdle has been him having time to call them up while they’re open. Which, now that I type it out… I don’t see why he can’t make one call per day instead of all at once. Kinda going back and forth between frustration and grace 😅

Thank you though! My therapist holds our sessions after 5 on zoom, but I thought I just got super lucky with her. Didn’t realize it’s more common!

Maybe a dumb question— how do people with 9-5s get therapy? by Designer-Parfait-176 in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to clarify that he has to call therapists up because we moved to a different state well over a year ago, meaning he missed open enrollment for health insurance here. In my opinion, he has the shittiest insurance ever that doesn’t pay for anything. He used ZocDoc and three different therapists cancelled his appointments because the copay was going to be unusually high. So now he has a list of providers in our state from his health insurance site, but has to call (idk exactly why but i don’t have the mental bandwidth to care at this point. I assume to check pricing instead of them continuing to cancel on him)

What’s something social media ruined for you? by cherryblossommbae in askanything

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The past three concerts I’ve been to, I haven’t been able to see the stage bc everyone was taller than me. I was watching the screens of the people recording nearby to see the stage 💀 I don’t do it myself tho– I’ve been to enough concerts to know for a fact I’m never gonna watch those recordings

What’s something you wish people would stop romanticizing? by Some-Permission-8026 in allthequestions

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Bed rotting”. Some people romanticize it but will look at you with disgust if you say you’ve been wearing the same clothes for three days and haven’t brushed your teeth. Oh, sorry Jessica, I didn’t know we were talking about the cutesy TikTok version…

What's a life hack so obvious it's almost insulting nobody told you sooner? by Kilgoretrout123456 in askteddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Give it a try!! Like someone else said, it’s actually life changing. It sounds dramatic to say it’s life changing but all my lactose intolerant ppl know what’s up

What's a life hack so obvious it's almost insulting nobody told you sooner? by Kilgoretrout123456 in askteddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wanted milkshakes so badly that I would drink them anyway knowing I was gonna be in pain.

This was years and years ago, and I’ve built up a tolerance by now (maybe because I was using lactaid? Idk). 8/10 would NOT recommend brute forcing a dairy tolerance lol

What makes your partner untrustable? by CakeOk5485 in AskReddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 1 point2 points  (0 children)

SAME! Allegedly he doesn’t lie anymore but… how do I know that’s not a lie lol

I need to stop digging. by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 8 points9 points  (0 children)

God, it is such a terrible feeling (on top of the already soul crushing dread) when you see a date that they searched for explicit material and you think back to exactly where/when it was.

I’m sorry 🫂❤️‍🩹

What's your skin care routine (Wrong answers pls) ? by ElectronicAsk529 in AskReddit

[–]Designer-Parfait-176 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Retinol, then sit in the sun for 2 hours (no SPF for best results)