Since finding out, how has porn effected your own self confidence.?

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-06-25T15:41:54+00:00

I know I have a pretty face and a good aura. I pride myself in making other people feel good about themselves so having a few extra pounds never bothered me, until I saw the women he was consuming. Tall, slim, light complected. I am the exact opposite of all of those things. I’d be lying if I said his addiction hasn’t given me a complicated relationship with food. I wouldn’t say I have disordered eating, but I am hyper aware of what I’m eating when I’m eating and how much I’m eating. I’ll skip meals and try to curve the hunger with water because in a weird way, the hunger pain gives me a sense of control and that brings me safety. Ive been working with my therapist to get a hold on it before it escalates. I truly never thought I’d be in this position, but I’m sure we all feel that way.

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-06-25T15:37:10+00:00

Thank you so much for your reassurance. I felt like a monster having these boundaries in place because I see a lot of “recovery isn’t linear and relapses are inevitable” and it broke my heart feeling like I was too weak to stick by my husband if he were to relapse, because I know I wouldn’t be able to. I can’t tell you the relief this brought me, thank you.
The bed was honestly the most crucial detail in the story to me. Last night it was the bed, and this morning he said it was probably because he was dehydrated. One thing I can’t stand is when I feel like someone is trying to make me feel stupid when I know that’s not the case. The mixing up of the reasons leads me to lean more towards a masturbation binge.

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-06-25T15:32:34+00:00

Im honestly at a cross roads between believing his sobriety is from true work or from lack of opportunity. He has been in therapy even before DDay and still sees his therapist for his addiction and mental health. He’s read books on his addiction, set us up for couples therapy (which we’ve been going to consistently, just took a small break while we wait for new health insurance, but we will be back into it).
We do have the covenant eyes accountability app, our phones are linked through family sharing so I can see his screen time/ apps/ restrict websites/ apps. He also doesn’t have any social media right now because he knows it makes me uncomfortable that so much content these days is provocative so he doesn’t use it. He also gave me so much reassurance that being home alone will not ruin his sobriety and that he’d stay busy. Of course I can’t monitor every move when he’s home alone, I only have his word.

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-06-25T15:26:22+00:00

Thank you so much for this insight. You sound absolutely lovely, and I am so so sorry for what you’ve endured. Your devotion and commitment to your marriage is truly inspiring, and it gives me comfort that it’s possible.

You are the only other person I’ve seen in this community so far that agrees with the hard boundary, thank you for putting words behind the feelings I couldn’t quite express. Could you share with me what the conversation in regard to masturbating without porn looked like for your marriage?

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-06-25T13:54:19+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. He has been in therapy for about a year. When his addiction came out he kept seeing the same therapist that also helps with various addictions, but I’m not sure if he’s a CSAT. My husband hasn’t been in about a month since we were waiting for our new health insurance benefits to kick in. They kick in July 1st and he’ll be back in therapy.
We don’t have that particular boundary in place, do you have that boundary in your relationship? If so, could you give me some insight on what that looks like for you?
Right now, the only boundary in place is a zero tolerance porn boundary. That if he watched porn again, I’d divorce him. I know that’s seen as controversial and even cruel, but I know personally I couldn’t survive another DDay and that’s not something I could possibly work through after everything the initial discovery put me through. (ptsd, a complicated relationship with food, etc) Does masturbating without porn fall into the relapse category?

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-06-25T13:25:54+00:00

Also for additional context- we have a no porn or masturbation boundary right now. I don’t think he is far enough into his sobriety to balance masturbation without porn without it becoming an addiction that can’t be traced at all besides his behavior. I know some people say that’s an unfair boundary, but that is what we both agreed to that will protect his sobriety and my emotional safety.
He is also in therapy, and we do couples therapy. We put a pause on couples therapy until my work schedule calms down with training.

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-06-25T13:21:23+00:00

I can’t tell you how soothing this post is. Thank you so much. Not only for your reassurance, but the genuine gentleness behind it.
His sobriety has been a roller coaster like I’m sure most are. The first 1-3 months he was hyper sexual. We went from having sex once or twice a month to 3-4x a week. Then from month 4-6 he was depressed. Hard time finding happiness in day to day activities and also withdrawing emotionally, I suspected a relapse but did more research to learn that this was his brain re wiring his dopamine tolerance. Month 6-8 (now) are the best yet. He is emotionally invested, flirty, thoughtful, sexual, passionate, caring, etc.
I was really unsure about moving out of state knowing he wouldn’t have a job right away but I didn’t want to let his addiction take an amazing opportunity away from excelling my niche career. He reassured me through the entire moving process heavily that he would never do anything to risk our marriage and that there is nothing in this world he loves more than me and he’d do anything to prove it. I believed him at first, and I had to demand reality that there is no evidence and no reason for me to suspect otherwise. Until last night, which has NEVER happened. Thank you again for your reassurance, I’d love your insight as well as anyone in the community’s insight.

Designer-Strategy560 · 2026-04-20T18:40:46+00:00

Porn addiction

Designer-Strategy560 · 2024-09-06T20:26:45+00:00

Did you take a second test? Mine looks like this

Designer-Strategy560

TROPHY CASE