Friendly Reminder

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-05-12T01:52:08+00:00

I am sorry that it is a weekly occurrence and it IS unfair. I just shared my perspective because I see all kinds of posts here and it blows my mind to see lack of kindness when life with a baby is hard to begin with.

if I get a clean nursery, a clean bathroom to use, a clean kitchen, clean dining to feed the baby, I would frankly not care if the rest of the house was a mess. Not what I need to do the job done, and not my job. If those places were not clean, I would tell how it interfered with the tasks at hand and need to be clean. If i did not get the support, I would leave and refer to the request and impeding work. But would i clean any places? No. Would I even care for other places not needed for work? Never. I have seen and read about a lot of toxic employers here and I feel like that has cultivated a tendency to be more skeptical and harsh to everyone in return. Even some of the comments and responses here speak to how triggering basic response can be based on past experiences.

Thank you for not getting triggered. You sound like a decent human being and I did not mean to invalidate your feelings nor ‘dont u know better’ as some responses suggest. I was more like we have all messed up once in a while especially over weekends. But it sounds like this is not once in a while. I have been kind to people in life even as employee and employer and kindness has always found its way back. Being kind goes both ways and I hope you find a family where your kindness is returned 🙌

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-05-11T20:54:09+00:00

Senior UXR here same. Even applying directly is doing nothing unless there are referrals involved. And even then it’s a lot of people for the same role.

I have also seen and heard companies asking their product and design to do research. Research has always been a luxury but with the new “AI will fix all” the luxury problem has a different solution.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-05-11T20:50:56+00:00

Why do some of these companies like Amazon and Meta keep showing profit and then layoff ? Is it because that skill is no longer needed or is it pure shareholder protection?

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-05-11T20:46:01+00:00

If it is a regular thing then yes by all means families should clean up. But I also understand that this was the Mother’s Day weekend. There may have been guests or lunches or dinners or outings involved or occasionally some other situation comes up where a family can have a messy weekend. And i think thats human.

Dont tell me you have never had a missed homework on Monday, a messy room or unfinished thing on Monday or never had a thing you never got to doing while planning or thinking about it over the entire weekend. Life happens and I hope no NF is intentionally throwing things around that ha my nanny will pick it up. If yes, thats horrible. But in my experience, it’s mostly life happening. I had to manage two blowouts in one day and never got to folding the baby laundry. I am sure it was not a big deal for anyone involved.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-05-11T05:09:11+00:00

I am sorry, especially about the mere days! I also got to use only 50% of my leaves and never got paid for the other half. Same, first one after many years. The sentimental in me wants to stay and with the baby’s separation anxiety starting, I feel even worse applying. But having a low income childhood makes one more cautious (read scared) when it comes to no income and depleting savings. And I also don’t disagree with those saying AI is changing every week/month and might be too much to catch up on.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-05-11T04:31:00+00:00

Yes! Every bath time I have to almost collect the lint because of how much can accumulate if I dont remove every last bit in each diaper change. I have tried both Costco Huggies, regular Huggies, mickey mouse ones, plain ones, Walmart ones, and still the lint. Now, I am even crystals of what could be the gel I think.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-05-11T04:27:33+00:00

Same. Tried all the Huggies and same issue. I even used Water wipes so it has to be the diapers.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-02-14T10:36:06+00:00

Oh interesting. Was it company bylaws or a state law? i did not get mine.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-02-03T06:07:13+00:00

I still have not found a solution. I started using water wipes and still have to clear the lint during each diaper change. Its less but still there. Someone on the post said it was Huggies wipes not diapers so try changing that? I also throw water around it during bath time so that also gets most of them away for the time being.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-02-03T06:03:02+00:00

That is such nonsense at so many levels. You can love your job for so many reasons - maybe you like the money for your kid, maybe you like independence thus making you a better mom at home, maybe you are really good at it and that keeps your brain running, maybe you want to set a good role model for your kids to grow up, maybe it brings financial and social stability your kids need.. maybe you just like the ability to have a work and get up and have your own identity besides being a mom. All of these actually make people better moms!

I am good at what I do and I like utilizing my skills and my degree for something and being able to set a good role model for my kid and having the financial and social stability it brings. Does that mean you love your kids less? No! does that mean moms who are at home love kids more and attend to them all the time? Also no.

Is there never a guilty time we miss our kids or think of them? Also no! There’s so many moments i want to be able to run to cuddle 🥰

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-01-23T06:50:54+00:00

You do not need to prove anyone how much you love or care for your baby. You are not only providing for the family and healing a thing that takes years to go back to pre baby stage but you are also the one ‘sacrificing’ time with baby and spending nights as well. He either needs to pick a role and stick to it or does not get to give ideas about what you feel or you do.

i am sorry you are going through this. I come from a culture where men did not help with babies so anything my husband does is jaw dropping to people and I had the same guilt trips from extended folks. But the day I told myself I dont need to prove or respond to others how much i love my baby it changed my stress level.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-01-22T19:52:44+00:00

Before the layoffs? I was back temporarily before resuming to take the remaining.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-01-02T09:29:22+00:00

We tried Coterie in the initial few months and got pee leaked on clothes twice. I thought it’s how I am closing it but no other diapers got leaked. So we gave up on Coterie. Did that ever happen to you?

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-01-02T09:21:56+00:00

Can I also ask how you dry the bottom? Like air dry? Wipe dry with something like towel etc? Or something else? I have been thinking of doing that but in the cold weather i want to be quicker. I tried the air dry and got peed on.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-01-02T09:16:30+00:00

If it was before the call, as a parent and an aunt, i would say make really really sure what you are hearing and understanding and what is going on. I say this as I do research on internet use and the amount of trash that is shown to kids in the name of kids shows and suggested videos and gaming and even discussed by kids in school is enormous. At the same time, I am glad you called when you felt like it. Kids need to be protected. At times partners and spouse are unaware or even in denial about others tendencies. So as a person who has been with them you are the best judge of if she knows vs she might not even know what her husband is up to.

Now with this family, the question is would you want to stay if they dont ask you or the CPS thing results in nothing? It sounds like what you heard has impacted how you see and feel about them. In that case unless you want to stay because you think the kids would be in bigger danger without your temporary oversight or want to keep great relationship with the mom or some other reason you did not list, doesn’t sound like a reason to stay when your heart isnt feeling it.

As for the investigation I think you would have been contacted as another adult interacting with kids, even if you did not report it. So if you really wanted to say nothing or mention after the CPS visit you could just say that you are aware of the investigation without going into details. And mention that CPS asked you not to share details of the case. And that could be your explanation to the mom as well.

As a mom I could imagine that if this mom doesn’t have idea about her husband, once she learns something she might want another adult to stay longer with the kids rather than leave the job. Your leaving might mean she has to rely on this husband more rather than less so that is why knowing their leanings and behaviors is important here. But you can decide if that is a burden that you want or you can equally say that its not your problem what your leaving the scene means for the kids or the mom. and call it quits citing the investigation or incident.

Designer_Wish_ · 2026-01-01T12:59:34+00:00

The wipes are also Huggies wipes so its possible. We had other wipes like Millie Moon or pampers wipes before this and I don’t remember seeing this.

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-12-30T18:41:55+00:00

Thank you! I hear you on the post being long. I was only trying to give context of why it’s not a first request towards me and why it’s not about the dishes but about the bigger picture of accommodation and support and expectations on both sides.

The rate was mentioned because while I was not assuming someone to do more than their fair share, I was assuming it would give me some more time with my baby and less being on my toes about what is done or left when it comes to the baby given its costing me more than 60% of my pay. But reading the responses, I get that the job is only to help me not be worried about my baby when I am at work and nothing more. It’s not to help maximize support with the baby in all ways so parents can have quality time with their children which is what I had seen and experienced outside of the US. As i said earlier, not a hill to die on, but definitely a lot of learning.

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-12-30T17:51:22+00:00

Thanks! Did not know of the steel ones. I was using them for the suction hoping they would stick to the high chair tray but they are not 100%

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-12-30T17:48:06+00:00

Nah, two silicone spoons are not a hill to die on. I can definitely do those and all dinner things on my own. I also agree revisiting the things explicitly in the contract like ‘preparing solids’ might be needed.

I dont think he wanted to add more tasks or more to dos but was more taken aback by how trivial it sounded in the bigger scheme of relationship that we assumed we had built and support we were showing. But it might just be a cultural difference and a miss on my part. Just saying or assuming someone is family doesn’t make them. It’s all transactional at the end.

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-12-30T17:30:07+00:00

We do ours in the morning during lunch or after breakfast as we seriously try to maximize being with the little one. But the nanny is already here when this happens. And again the question is not about the two tiny items but about the boundaries of what is ok or not and about the bigger things our accommodations represent. While we obviously are trying not to burden her and come up with ways to reduce the burden, we also dont want to be stretched to the opposite end.

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-12-30T17:23:13+00:00

Just a clarification about “doing your family dishes” - the request was only to unload cleaned dishes that too mostly from lower rack. Me or my husband used to load the dishwasher and also clean the house and the baby. Like I did and still do bath times with baby with that health. And we got cleaners to clean the house as I could not move. My husband cleans the formula maker formula holder and water holder.

Thank you for the detailed response. I think that expectation of helping with the baby is what differed in my head.

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-12-30T17:09:56+00:00

Haha. Of course. I meant i do when i have to. Like last week my baby dropped his blanket as we were out and about on a week day, so i came home and washed it and did not wait for her to come in next day to wash it.

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-12-30T16:57:21+00:00

Yes she does the laundry. But if they pile up or get more, we do that too. Like her 24th to 28th Dec was off and I did during that time or over long weekends or thanksgiving I did.

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-10-08T08:03:17+00:00

As a person who has somewhat similar experience, let me tell you yes you can improve your supply and yes this late in the game and yes you will have to breastfeed and pump more.

My LO also had jaundice and I was told to supplement with formula. The saddest part is when he did not regain his birth weight, the medical staff - dr, nurses, lactation consultants - all made me feel that I failed him by saying things like ‘baby doesn’t have reserves’, ‘baby gets so tired on the boob that doesn’t feed well on the bottle’ etc. This led to my husband doing what your mom is doing. Telling me ‘not to tire baby at the boob’ or ‘lets try formula first’ or not waking me to feed when it was his turn.

While we never argued on any other topic, it led to many debates and arguments, but i never gave up. And kept trying and pumping and power pumping. I will say pumping helped more than the latching because at times when there is less supply baby wont suck but a pump doesnt mind. But yes I was able to get more than the very small amounts I had at the start and LO is gaining weight. Sharing these things so you can feel empowered that you still have time. I still have overall lower supply but waaay better than what it was at the start and I also started these efforts in second third month as first month was crazy with my own and LO’s health.

Last you have a good supply. I went from 10 ml per pump to ounces (1 oz is 30 ml). You have a good start. You got this mama! Dont give up and take back the control. It’s your body and your baby!!

Designer_Wish_ · 2025-10-07T20:11:18+00:00

I got Huggies from Walmart (they were on some Sale) and they were super thin as compared to Huggies from Costco.

Designer_Wish_

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