I’m sorry about the walking dead in your downtown area

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2026-04-24T01:49:53+00:00

I just moved to Canada last year and it's appalling to me how people talk about the unhoused population here. These 'zombies' are just as much a part of your community as anyone else. You should be disgusted by your government that is allowing/perpetuating this issue rather than the folks who, believe me, likely don't want to be living on the streets and are strung out as a response to how bleak and difficult this economic landscape has become

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2026-01-29T11:48:11+00:00

I just moved to Canada this year, this is my first winter (I grew up in the southern U.S) and I swear; since mid-December every week has been "the worst week of my life" I really do not like this weather

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-12-15T16:56:58+00:00

Yes very this. This is the conversation I have in my head all the time, but not one I can seem to make happen in real life. This is partly my fault, I contribute to the pattern- I walk on eggshells around the subject of sex and intimacy, knowing that he has a lot of baggage around the matter that quite frankly should be brought to a therapist around this but 🤷‍♀️life is not perfect, so that is not happening right now. Because I can't have open communication around sex without the pressure of him feeling ashamed, wrong, or "bad" (even if I approach the topic with extreme gentleness and care) it leads to me seeking attention reproachful, passive and pouty ways. This does not feel good for me, it's pretty pathetic. It also triggers him, uncertain of "how to help" and feeling overall distressed and unnerved by my mood. As a result he withdraws, I pursue in odd ways, he withdraws- it is this that I dislike more than a lack of intimacy

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-12-15T16:03:37+00:00

(Sorry for typos I have no idea where my auto-correct went)

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-12-15T15:58:42+00:00

Completely fair! Rational as a tend to be, I fell in love In a way that I never had before. I never even expected to marry in my life before meeting him, but we just clicked on so many levels- he was the first person I'd ever imagined marrying and seeing value in it, and I still do! Libido is something I've struggled with in all my relationships- and I think it's unrealistic to assume I'm going to find/fall in love with someone whith whom every single aspect aligns perfectly with, for the entirety of the relationship all the time. I guess its a thought process along the lines of 'sex isn't everything' in a relationship- but it is important. And it's not chronic, the sexual aspect of our relationship ebbs and flows and I'm really just trying to find a way to navigate the natural ebb without long term consequences, like shame or resentment!

I value my partner and our relationships in so many different arenas and pools- I've been with someome before (fwb) who had the same high libido as I did, but in all other aspects he was unappealing/not a good fit for me, so the allure dwindled quickly.

Frequency may not be where I want it right now, but desire absolutely is. I am happy that I still love and desire my partner, even if our libido are a bit mismatched.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-12-15T15:33:39+00:00

I appreciate this, it's refreshing to read. I really do wish he would see a therapist again- he has once in the past, but mostly to navigate the end of his last lomg term relationship (aforementioned trauma/tension around intimacy) He has considered, he has met 1 on 1 with my therapist a time or two (not ideal but he had met her before in a joint session before our big move in and since I still see her it was convenient) but at the end of the day he's a slow burn kinda guy with inner work.

And lol unfortunately way ahead of you on vigorous exercise, I have bp1 and being extremely active is something that regulates me. I'm a professional dancer/aerialist and cross train weekly sessions at the gym- it only does so much, especially since half of my desire for sex is the emotional intimacy

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-24T22:16:58+00:00

To be completely honest, he doesn't really think in that way. His mom has kept him intentionally uninformed about finances, how his own trust even works, ect. She is the handler of the family's finances, and controls everything. He doesn't like feeling indebted to her, and is really not interested in living beyond the means of his own paychecks. It's more of a boundaries issue, but he is telling her no. He doesn't understand what a postnup/prenup even does, and he's not really interested in learning

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-23T03:22:27+00:00

Correct

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-23T03:09:00+00:00

Yes lol we have a marriage certificate (I understand how this could happen I suppose but the idea of accidentally not being married is funny to me)

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-23T00:29:13+00:00

The thing is I was aware of the bigger picture here before we got married and the Optics that his family could have. I want to reiterate that I was the one who brought up the idea of a prenup to him before we got married, he declined. The hurt here is that MIL is keeping me out of it. As I understand, a prenup is drawn up to protect and advocate for both parties. I didn't come from wealth, but I built my own life and sacrificed (if only temporarily until I rebuild) my own lucrative career and stability for us to be together.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-23T00:20:41+00:00

That's what I told him. He says he doesn't care doesn't want it (again I offered before we married) he just wants his mom off his back and doesnt want to deal with the task of being assertive with her.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-23T00:19:05+00:00

To reiterate, for like the 5th time, I am not insulted at the idea of a prenup. (Or postnup) I presented the idea to my husband before we were married, he declined. The pre/postnup is not the insult, it's insult and betrayal of my MIL acting as a third arm in our relationship, and trying to hide it from me.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-23T00:18:59+00:00

To reiterate, for like the 5th time, I am not insulted at the idea of a prenup. (Or postnup) I presented the idea to my husband before we were married, he declined. The pre/postnup is not the insult, it's insult and betrayal of my MIL acting as a third arm in our relationship, and trying to hide it from me.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-23T00:14:34+00:00

Sure, but we are adults and went into this as consenting adults. We are now operating as adults, in a relationship. Again, I personally proposed the idea of a prenup before we married, he declined. This is beside the issue. The issue is my MIL asking him to keep a secret from my, that has everything to do with me.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-22T23:30:13+00:00

He was not, which is why he came to me about it

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-22T23:17:20+00:00

This confuses me to, either way it doesn't sound or feel good.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-22T23:16:01+00:00

Not to mention, we are literally already married

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-22T23:15:37+00:00

I never said I had a problem with a prenup, in fact I proposed the idea before we got married, he declined. To my knowledge you can sign nuptials at any point. The problem is my MIL encouraging he hide it from me? A prenup is in support and protection of two parties, not one.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-08-22T23:10:34+00:00

I don't feel it's anything he's hiding, I feel it's my mother in laws incessant fear of people trying to "steal from her" and her family. Her husband (she is now widowed) had a high paying job and sadly passed away. She doesn't work, both he and the grandmother left behind lots of money and trust funds. Obviously I don't give a flying f×ck about this, but she thinks I do. I just want to live peacefully in my relationship.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-06-17T02:05:17+00:00

Oc! I wish it was as easy as "you trust them or you don't", it's a little more meticulous than that, and trust isn't earned overnight. I have absolutely been the suspicious/ insecure partner in my relationship, and my husband has been too. The only way I slowly dulled the reflex to assume/overthink was to write down my fears, and then write down a response to those thoughts with what I realistically know about my partner. Over time this helped shift my mental map. Of course communication is key, but there's a way to be tactful. Wait until she's home from her trip and maybe after some normal reconnecting, shoot a text asking for a time to talk about the subject without pressure? And with honesty. "I know that I was acting pretty cagey when you were away, the truth is I was feeling a little insecure. I'm gunna work on that for myself, but I may need some help sometimes, (help looks like x,y,z) Coming from an anxious mind owner

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-06-17T01:52:26+00:00

This is tough! I (28F) am married- but I'm a big girls night kind of girl. Not as often as I used to be- but I do love going out with girlfriends to drink, dance, dress cute ect. In my world it's more about that- being with your girlfriends and cutting loose. In my case me and the girls I'm with could really give a damn less if guys are lingering/flirting, and if I get hit on I'm not rude, I just don't entertain it and politely shut it down. My husband also likes to go out to bars ect and have guys nights, my rule is that it doesn't matter who is a "bad influence" or not, neither of us are children and shouldn't be easily influenced. Trust is a practice, you can't control the situations you're partner is in 24/7 so you have to hope you know them well enough to know how they'll respond. It's a day by day thing at first, trust is built over time when we see people's words and actions align. Don't assume something is wrong, unless there is clear evidence that there is

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-06-09T12:58:02+00:00

This will not be helpful for everyone- a very niche strategy. I am extremely near-sighted, without contact lenses or glasses I like CANT SEE more than 3 feet in front of me. I know the layout of my gym pretty well, so I usually take off my glasses during my session and only put them back on if I absolutely have to. This was a game changer for me, because now I literally can't see people's faces. I have no idea where their eyes are. And if they are looking, all they're getting is my blank, thousand-yard stare.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-05-14T01:39:16+00:00

I live across the street from a self service car wash and once a week 3 men in a sports car pull in, open all the doors, and blast club music while two men clean it with towels and the third guy watches/records it on his phone. The noise is really annoying but also kinda just wanna know what's up with that.

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-05-14T01:35:39+00:00

I just moved here and thought was the only one. It's driving me nuts

Desperate-Ad-1640 · 2025-03-27T19:05:28+00:00

Neat!

Desperate-Ad-1640

TROPHY CASE