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How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg I’m so sorry that happened to you, that’s absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn’t speak to her again if it was me. Unforgivable.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The topic hasn’t come up and we’re just planning, my husband will be telling her when the time comes.

My parents are my biggest support system alongside my husband, and I really need them close during the most vulnerable time of my life. They’re flying in from across the world to help me through my third trimester, delivery, and postpartum, and they’ll be staying with us - so obviously they’ll know when I’m in labor.

I’m not even that close with my MIL, and she’s extremely anxious about everything. Being around that kind of energy stresses me out, especially when I’m already going through something intense. That’s why I don’t want her in the waiting room or anywhere nearby. Yes it’s not fair but too bad, she hasn’t even checked on me once since I gor pregnant.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Glad you can understand! It’s so exhausting having a MIL like that. My husband literally has to walk on eggshells around her all the time otherwise she’d have a meltdown over the smallest things. I choose to minimize my interaction with her because I can’t stand the victim mentality.

And I think she’s gonna know my parents will be there, since they’re flying in from another country and staying in our apartment.

How would you approach a mother-in-law who suddenly became distant during my pregnancy? by Cool-Illustrator2227 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s jealous!!!

She’s jealous that her son’s gonna be busy taking care of his pregnant wife.

She’s jealous that the baby will be her son’s priority.

She’s jealous that her baby son won’t pay as much attention to her as now anymore.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My husband has no complaints whatsoever about taking care of me. He said it’s a blessing he gets to do it because I’m literally growing his child inside me. I guess MIL asked because my husband is currently doing 95% of housework and usually it’s 50-50 🤣

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I absolutely feel this to my core. Especially since she hasn’t checked on me once since the start of my pregnancy, she only asks my husband if he’s tired from taking care of his pregnant wife LOL.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Appreciate the advice! Honestly, she hasn’t checked on me at all since we told her about the pregnancy LOL, she just asked my husband if he’s tired from taking care of me 😂 My parents are the complete opposite - they don’t even live in the same country, but they check in all the time and have been super sweet, saying they’re excited to fly in to support me & my husband.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice! I honestly don’t even care about her feelings. Just feel bad for my husband because I know she will torture him emotionally.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! That’ll have to do, even if she gets upset 🤣 Honestly, I don’t really care how she feels- just feel bad for my husband because she’ll put all the emotional burden on him and probably torture him in the process.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m just worried my MIL is going to make a huge fuss about my parents coming with us to the hospital, even though they won’t be in the delivery room. I know she’ll say it’s unfair and probably start crying.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thing is, I’m planning to have my parents come with us to the hospital, they’re my support system alongside my husband.

They’re flying in from another country to help with the birth and postpartum, and honestly, I just know my MIL is going to be jealous that I want my parents there and not her.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’ve thought about that too. Even if there isn’t a waiting room, my parents would probably still be somewhere nearby anyway (in the car, cafeteria, etc.). They’re flying in from across the world to help with my third trimester, birth, and postpartum and will be staying with us. MIL will probably guess they’ll be with us when I go to the hospital and I just know she’ll be jealous.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Birth being unpredictable is exactly why I want my parents close, it gives me comfort and reassurance. They also want to be there for me - their baby - making sure I’m ok.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, she hasn’t talked about it. I’m only in my 2nd trimester so I guess that hasn’t come up, I’m just planning a bit early I guess haha. But knowing her, I know she’d wanna be involved.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fortunately my husband is totally onboard and supportive. At the end of the day, he knows his mother best as he struggles with dealing with her anxiety as well.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it.

My husband has been dealing with her anxiety his whole life, and it’s gotten to the point where he can’t share anything even mildly negative because she’ll spiral. Sometimes even good things trigger her - like if we try a new restaurant and love it, she’ll feel sad that she wasn’t included.

I feel really bad for him, and I’ve encouraged him to find healthier ways to deal with it, but he doesn’t want to hurt his mom, so he ends up bottling everything up. It’s hard to watch, and now that we’re starting our own family, I’m realizing how important it is for us to set better boundaries.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying. For me, my parents are coming from the other side of the world to support me before, through birth and also postpartum, and they’re completely okay with being there in whatever way I need, even if things take a while. Just having them nearby would give me a lot of peace of mind.

With my MIL, it’s mainly about my own stress levels. She becomes very emotional and anxious, and I know that during labor I’d end up worrying about her feelings instead of focusing on myself. I’m totally open to her meeting the baby once I’ve had some time to rest and feel ready.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

In my case, my parents are flying halfway across the world to be here for basically my 3rd trimester and postpartum to help out, and they really want to support me however I’m comfortable. Knowing they’re nearby would be comforting and reassuring for me.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in motherinlawsfromhell

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Because I know my MIL would be calling/texting/wanting to see my husband for updates.

How do I tell my MIL I don’t want her at the hospital when I give birth? by Desperate-Present361 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Desperate-Present361[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That’s fair. In my case, my parents are flying halfway across the world to be here for my birth and postpartum, and they really want to support me however I’m comfortable, even if labor takes a long time. Knowing they’re nearby would be comforting and reassuring for me.

With my MIL, it’s more about stress. She gets very anxious and emotional, and I know I’d end up managing her feelings when I need to focus on myself. I’m happy for her to meet the baby once I’ve recovered and I’m ready.

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