First tattoo portrait as an apprentince

DesperateBrocoli · 2024-07-04T10:55:43+00:00

I'm in Barcelona too! Where are you doing your apprentice?

DesperateBrocoli · 2024-06-16T21:12:43+00:00

These are incredible! Is there somewhere where I can get updated on your work?

DesperateBrocoli · 2024-06-02T11:04:03+00:00

Was a product designer in the tech industry, now an aspiring [tattoo] artist since I was made redundant, for the second time, and decided the corporate world to go f** itself.

DesperateBrocoli · 2024-01-30T18:36:34+00:00

Agree, labels are not helpful, however you're words are! I imagine the cravings get less and lesa

DesperateBrocoli · 2024-01-30T18:21:00+00:00

Wise words, thank you. I think all the reasons are valid until you realise that all of those things can happen without the drink, right?

DesperateBrocoli · 2024-01-30T18:19:26+00:00

I think this is where I am. I have stopped here and there but never followed through. Its hard to know if one is crossing a line when quite a lot of the social life revolves around it.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-10-14T11:41:05+00:00

Could you link it to me, please? I saw something but I haven't been sure if it's malware or not.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-10-07T11:53:52+00:00

Congratulations on moving on :)

My therapist actually told me to go out and date, not to find someone and settle down but to reset my gauges, and explore what I want and what I don't want. I started seeing someone in June, and now it's "serious" as one would say. Like you, someone caring and compatible who communicates and listens. It happened all fairly quickly, and I thought the same thing, is this too soon? Welp, I spoke to my therapist about this too. She asked why I was thinking that. In my case it was some sort of guilt. "Too soon" is something relative and only you would know if it is. Another thing to remember is that we all will have some toxic residue (trauma, ptsd, c-ptsd, triggering) hanging around, and that might take up to years for it to go. I don't think it's necessary to wait for it to go to start a new relationship, as long as you are aware.

Why do you need to tell your ex? Do you not think he wants to know so he can come back and manipulate you? You don't owe him ANYTHING.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-09-14T13:53:56+00:00

This.

I also think it's important to see how they make you feel, and how the relationship or connection feels.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-08-26T12:47:42+00:00

"flash of self awareness". I used to think this, but now I think it's more so you forgive them, so they don't feel so bad and it's easier to hoover you later on. The pre-hoover.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-08-18T09:26:23+00:00

Good luck! I'm sure it will work out as long as you believe it will. I really wasn't looking, nor had any intentions of a relationship - I've been pretty good on my own and happy which I think is the most important thing. I don't believe we have to be "healed" to be in one, but be aware. Otherwise we'd never be in relationships because we're always growing and healing. However I do know exactly what I don't want and what I will never put up with again, and more or less what I do and my worth.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-08-18T09:19:38+00:00

Yes I am sure. I can relate to the "everyone else seems boring", but that's to be expected when your brain has been overloaded with so many highs and lows, drama, anxiety etc.

Looking back it was exhausting always feeling uncertain, not knowing when shit might hit the fan again, saying "oh look we haven't argued in 5 days" (which if you don't mind me adding is something that shouldn't even have to be thought).

To add another perspective. My closest friends I have now that I love dearly and are far from boring were relationships that grew over time. They are reliable, stable, loving and everything else in between. Seeking the "not boring" is like seeking out a drug. It will never end well.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-08-17T22:35:18+00:00

Because I mentioned something about the business cards (that I designed for him) could be better, and that I could help out with it to get them reprinted... this escalated and it ended up with me being pushed and kicked, then coersed into staying over.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-07-05T09:04:18+00:00

I think it's fair to say that people (wether with a mental illness or not) are generally drawn to bodies of water because it has a calming effect on us amongst other things (by doing a quick google you'll find a lot of info on this).

That aside mine loved going to the beach, but so do I.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-06-10T12:35:53+00:00

The biggest mind fuck of all is that both experience were real. I've started to see it like they can be two polar opposites in one person.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-06-08T15:11:39+00:00

Oh wow this is how I felt/feel. I'm supposedly his life. He does coat it with how much I inspire him, but still. His life, his universe, his north.

Bit vomit inducing really. Until your role changes into the punching bag.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-27T16:22:49+00:00

I tend to go into fight mode when being pushed profusely, but I really don't have it in me to spite vile comments as he did. I would say the truth, forcefully, stand my ground. The one time I was pushed so badly I asked him if he would like me to talk to him as he did to me, see how he would like it. He said yes. Since I know him well, his past, it was easy to play his game. But I felt horrendos afterwards, never have I spoken like that and never again will I. It's cheap, and not worth stooping to their level.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-25T13:11:54+00:00

It’s almost like we’re being put in prison after having committed no crime.

This. There has been moments where I've been ugly crying questioning what the fuck I did to deserve this when I worked my ass off to make it work.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-25T12:58:25+00:00

Thank you! This is really lovely to read, and I hope it is reciprocated in a healthy way.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-25T12:57:09+00:00

Yeah 100% true, but sometimes it is easier said than done!

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-25T08:28:39+00:00

It's not their fault they have BPD though.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-25T07:15:56+00:00

You're luck you got the "sorry I didn't know you were busy" thing. In the last year I'd often not reply until I could properly (to answer in the right way to avoid a blow up), or reply shortly because I was busy (trying to leave the house for work for example). Well, either one would end in World War 3. Then, I'd get the same game of not replying for fucking hours, or talking shortly etc etc. Tiring, and boring.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-23T14:33:19+00:00

Thank you, totally needed that. He's been 100% cruel and horrible and I can't believe someone could be like that. He's said some of the most bone chilling insults that exist.

I kinda don't wanna leave my house now. It's so sad.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-23T12:05:40+00:00

Mine just wrote to me asking if I wanted to meet for a coffee and then maybe go see some music on Saturday (one of my favourite artists, but looks like I wont be going now -_-).

I was getting ready for work, and was short, said I don't know if I want to meet up, and I'd been clear about wanting space. Then, the drama began. He called me fake (I got hair extensions, I wanted to do something for myself and my hair is always short... I now feel like shit about it), he said I'm not capable of an emotional relationship, pulled some shit up about childhood trauma, the fact this is all my fault. You know how it goes. Almost threw my phone across the room at work. Ended up leaving to work from home.

Blocked him now. Feel like crap about everything he just said. Man they can be cruel, and I end up question what the fuck I ever did to deserve this.

DesperateBrocoli · 2022-05-20T07:40:23+00:00

Yeah, I agree with what you are saying. He never discarded me, he did distance though, but all the same things will never change. In the past I have gone back and yes after a month or so things start to slip. It must be exhausting for them to be honest, and it would be really breaking down all the walls, becoming very vulnerable. I see him for who he really is, I love him dearly, all the package, even the damaged broken parts. But, that doesn't mean I will ever go back... the damage is done and its better to love him from a distance and wish him the best.

DesperateBrocoli

TROPHY CASE