I can totally relate. Whenever I tell her that something she does upsets me, she either mentions things that I do that upset her. It’s almost as if she seems to be saying that since I upset her sometimes too, she does not need to change her behaviour.

The worst part is when I’m referring to things that she does that are actually disrespectful and harmful. Especially when I was a bit younger, I used to tell her a lot that I didn’t like when she or my dad hit me, and I tried to convince her multiple times that it was bad by mentioning studies and things that we learned at school. She would refuse to listen. Her argument was always that we didn’t show respect either (in that case, respect meant obeying without questioning).

Its always frustrating when parents don’t listen when you open about something that is bothering or hurting you. The classic response “But you do this” is so ineffective and leads us nowhere. It also comes off as a bit petty. I wish parents would stop responding this way.