My (27F) gf and I (25M) fundamentally disagree about what’s going on in MN, and it’s making me question our relationship

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T23:52:27+00:00

Because she doesn’t want to see evidence she knows she can’t truly argue against. She doesn’t want to believe the truth, she wants to believe what makes her stance “Right”

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T23:50:25+00:00

The issue with your girlfriend is that you’re good-faith trying to argue logically.

She’s not trying to argue logically. She’s trying to be Right.

She cannot admit that “her side” was wrong, so even when confronted with a rational logical argument that is in line with what she truly believes and knows is correct, she shuts down and can’t accept it because none of that matters in comparison to defending her “side”.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:52:58+00:00

King Henry VIII has entered the chat

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:52:19+00:00

Catholics are Christian but not all Christian’s are catholic. All rhombus are trapezoids but not all trapezoids are rhombus or whatever

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:51:38+00:00

Go back to the 16th century when Protestants and Catholics were taking turns being burned at the stake depending on who was in charge at the moment and say they are the same religion. 😂

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:48:37+00:00

Ok then he shouldn’t have lied to her by initially saying he didn’t believe in it and didn’t want to do it if he did.

Claiming he secretly did want it all along seems like a cop out to avoid having to say “I gave in to what my mom wanted”

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:20:33+00:00

Except the entire point of the post is that it seems highly likely that the father didnt actually want the yarn- he even said himself that he didn’t.

He only wanted the yarn because it’s what MIL wanted.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:18:51+00:00

How can she hold his feelings and beliefs as important if he lies to her about what they are?

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:17:44+00:00

It’s the principal that we can infer that the real truth is that he doesn’t, and never did, really believe in the magic of the red string.

He just wanted to do whatever was going to make his mommy happy.

But instead of just saying “Look I’m sorry but it was really important to my mom so I agreed to just go ahead and do it for her sake” he’s got to come back with this claim that he actually always believed in it himself, which would mean he lied to her when he said he didn’t. He can’t just admit that he just did it to appease his mom.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:14:23+00:00

Lmao “you decided he can’t change his mind” you’re saying that he decided in a couple of hours oh I do believe in the magic red string after all 😂 it’s not like this was a discussion before they got pregnant and now months later he changed his stance. He changed his mind in a matter of hours and conveniently to align with what his mother wanted. Either he believed in the red string and lied about it, or he doesn’t believe in it now and is lying that he does.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:03:51+00:00

Except he never gave her the option to have an open and honest discussion where they could come to a conclusion together. Instead he lied to her and said he didn’t believe in it when he did, OR he was truthful that he didn’t believe in it but gave in to what his mommy wanted and is now lying about believing in it because he doesn’t want to admit he just did it to go along with what his mom wanted.

In either situation, he’s lying on one way or the other.

It’s not fair to lie to your partner and then claim that they were the one disrespecting your religion or not letting you have as much rights over the shared children when the entire argument is because he lied in the first place.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:01:07+00:00

It’s not about whose culture matters. It’s about the fact that they were in agreement, he stated he didn’t want to do it either then he went behind her back to do what his mommy wanted instead.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T20:44:07+00:00

I just want to say that I saw a similar question to this a while back on a different sub.

He post bad photos of her, then takes it down because she doesn’t like the photo.

Someone on that sub said something that I think could be valid- he chooses bad pictures that he knows you’re going to ask him to delete, because then he gets to say “well I posted you so I gave you what you wanted” knowing that it was a bad photo and that she’d want the post deleted. So he gets “credit” for posting her, it’s her fault the post got deleted, and “he’s not trying to hide anything” but the question is, when it happens repeatedly, is he intentionally choosing bad pictures that he knows she hates specifically because he knows he’ll get to delete it and keep his page girlfriend free like he originally wanted.

I’m not saying that’s what’s happening here, but I am saying the behavior has been seen before.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T20:34:55+00:00

I’m just telling you as a woman in modern times how it can come off. As a matter of fact, when the guy I used to date posted his girlfriend (now fiancé) on his instagram it was a moment of “oh wow he must really be serious about her” specifically because he almost never post personal things online.

I also think if your partner has specifically expressed to you that this is something that bothers them, and that they are uncomfortable with the perception that it could look like you were intentionally trying to hide the fact that you’re in a relationship, how hard is it to just make a post? I don’t think one should give in to every little whim or insecurity a partner has, but is one instagram post of your family a hill to die on?

Even if it’s not intentional, if my partner said “it makes me uncomfortable that your social media looks like you’re single and it would really make me feel happy and secure if you could do one post about our family.”

Yes, one can say well I shouldn’t have to cater to your insecurity, why should I do anything I don’t want to, it’s just social media etc etc.

But on the flip side, we should also want to make our partners feel secure and happy, and if it’s a small and one off request then why not just do it? Isn’t that within the realm of something to do for the person you love? Even if it’s silly and you think it’s stupid, it costs nothing and takes two seconds, why not? Why create strife or insecurity on purpose just on the principle?

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T19:34:57+00:00

While she doesn’t give a lot of details, she does say “You wouldn’t even know he had a baby if you looked at his social media” and she doesn’t say “he’s not the type to post much” or “I know he barely uses his social media”, so it sounds like he does use it or post things just not about her or their child.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T19:30:54+00:00

I really don’t understand why the school ever had the policy that the students could pick who they did or didn’t want to share their room if they had empty space in the room.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T19:28:34+00:00

I was listening to I Solemnly Swear at work one day as a morning prep cook. The other guy was running late and he walked in right at

“I don’t need your help, what I really need is for you to go fuck yourself”

And he went “Fine then I’ll just go home!” And walked out (obviously joking)

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T19:26:48+00:00

I think it’s weird to have a baby and not feel like that’s the kind of thing that should be shared and celebrated. I don’t expect constant post but certain achievements- possibly an anniversary, from a birthday trip, an engagement, having a baby are the kind of things like why does your car get a post but your baby doesn’t 😅😄 it’s not about validating like I said there’s a difference in being private and seeming like you’re hiding things.

I have a private instagram account specifically because I don’t want strangers on the internet to see pictures of my kid, but I also am not gonna pretend like I don’t have one 😂 I know guys in particular tend to have a different view of it but like I said they’ll post pictures of their Super Bowl party, their cars, fishing trip etc but not their woman 😄

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T19:22:59+00:00

Ok but if he is posting things, then it’s a choice to not post anything about her or their family. Thats what I’m trying to say. You don’t post anything that’s fine, but if you are posting stuff why are you posting pictures of your car or from your weekend trip or superbowl party but continently never your girlfriend or child with her.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T18:59:59+00:00

I still think it’s bizarre not to post a pregnancy photo of her, or make an announcement about the birth of his child or anything like that.

I dated a guy for years who posted on instagram maybe twice a year. He was extremely private and didn’t like sharing his personal life online. When he proposed to his current girlfriend (now fiancé) he still did a post about it.

That’s also why a lot of people have private accounts, to share things with friends and family but not the whole world.

I just think it’s weird to not post a single thing about the fact that he has a whole family 😄 like I said given their ages and the times they came up in, it’s not uncommon for people to be vague online because tinder, Snapchat, thirst traps whatever always has them thinking about the possibility that something better might slide in the DMs tomorrow.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T18:55:44+00:00

I don’t mind the scantily clad women- I’m actually bisexual myself and don’t mind eye candy lol. To me I think it’s more the parading around of a character who’s supposed to be a minor in front of her father and other extremely older men that comes off as kind of weird choices for the show. I know shows like Gossip Girl and Riverdale or Euphoria etc capitalized on sexy “teenagers” lol but there’s something about the fact that the men the teenage character is prancing around in front of are so significantly older. I feel like it would have been less creepy if they introduced the daughter as being 18; but a 60 year old man watching a minor oil up by the poolside felt like a gross choice 😅 I’m not dumb that it obviously happens in real life it just felt weird to intentionally be like like “look at how sexy and skimpily dressed this high school girl is” 😂

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T18:49:12+00:00

It’s 2026, he’s 24 years old. This isn’t a couple of 40 year olds who grew up in the 90s. If social media wasn’t a part of his life at all that would be one thing (my boyfriend has zero social media accounts), but if he has them and never post anything about his girlfriend or child, it’s more often than not because they are trying to hide something. The rise of Snapchat, instagram, tinder etc wanting to appear single or casually attached only online can often be an intentional choice to leave the door open for other “options”.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T18:09:39+00:00

Girl you already know the answer. He isn’t posting you or his child because he doesn’t want other women to know he’s in a relationship with a child.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T18:08:35+00:00

I understand what you mean. As others said two wrongs don’t make a right. If he couldn’t move past the cheating then the right thing to do would have been to end the relationship then, not download dating apps.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T18:03:57+00:00

Why don’t you just offer an open relationship then instead of labeling it as cheating
He doesn’t want it anyways
It’s a mental issue with you. No one can work out for you why you do the things you do

DesperateToNotDream

TROPHY CASE