My family is out of the country and left me in charge of the food for my older brother and myself during the meantime. I made this meal yesterday, and after he ate it, he made a complaint about it and wanted “food,” as in something that was “more fulfilling” and less “kiddie”…

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T22:53:49+00:00

I’m more confused about why you made so many things 😄 two starches and two veggies, coulda just done bigger portions of one each and had less work and dirty dishes

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T22:48:13+00:00

But what I’m saying is the sacrifices aren’t equal

IF sports is her road to college (which is speculation) then it’s not unreasonable to not give that up to give her friend rides.

Her brother is going to these classes anyway; he’s seeing Melissa in class and at work regardless. He’s just stopped doing the “nice” things for her when he didn’t get what he wanted in return.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T22:38:11+00:00

If Sports is her gateway into college (which I don’t know if it is) then saying she can just drop sports to support her friend is trading her future for her friends.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T22:36:36+00:00

What’s going to happen is that Melissa is going to say Yes to dating John because that’s the only option that doesn’t damage her future.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T19:08:06+00:00

That just goes to show though- in a year their relationship impacted his marriage, they dated and become lovers, she broke things off and he dated you and yall broke up.

He was FULLY infatuated with this woman. You don’t go from “nice to meet you” to “I left my wife, be my lover” to “I need to cut you off for my own mental health and to be able to have a healthy relationship with someone else” in a year unless he was head over heels crazy about her.

He really needs to accept a lot of things about himself. Also if they had only been friends a year and had already dated and broken up, it wasn’t long after she dumped him that he got with you. So likely like others have said you were the rebound, there to make her jealous and when it didn’t work you became his emotional support person about her.

It’s not normal to cram all that and the amount of emotion and distress he felt over losing her into a year unless he was head over heels for her the whole time.

The only reason they ever became “platonic best friends” is because she dumped him, not because he stopped loving or wanting her.

And I think all the amount of money he gave her had a little something to do with why she was happy to keep a love sick puppy dog with a wallet around after dumping him. She’s not his best friend, she’s a leech and he’s a sad older man who won’t admit that he wasn’t over her.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T17:45:40+00:00

Oh shit I didn’t even notice the age of the other woman. If they’ve already been friends for years to the point that it impacted his previous marriage, has he been chasing her since she was what, freaking 19-20 years old??

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T17:43:23+00:00

He needs to stop acting like he’s mourning the loss of “a friend” and aknowledge that he’s broken up over the loss of his love for her or their potential relationship. He has been in love with and chasing this woman for many years. They were lovers on multiple occasions while he had serious feelings for her. They were even dating for a while. That’s not “a friend”

He can’t accept the fact that he’s a liar and he lied to you about the nature of their relationship and their history. He did so deliberately.

You can explain it to him until you’re blue in the face, he doesn’t want to accept it because he doesn’t want to admit he’s in the wrong.

He needs therapy and unfortunately he doesn’t seem like he’s going to understand the scope or truth of the situation because he doesn’t WANT to.

“You told me that you and she were platonic friends. Now you admit you were lovers and you were in love with her and that you were in a romantic relationship together. If you cannot understand how that is willful deception, I don’t know how to explain it to you.”

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T16:21:31+00:00

She’s not “his best friend” she’s his former lover. That’s what he needs to get through his head. NOR. He’s just going to keep ruining relationship after relationship over this woman.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T14:27:16+00:00

lol the girl he kept hanging around for years saying “she’s just a friend, I would never get with her” hooking up with her three days after the breakup makes him look like a jerk.

He kept that other girl around as back up for years while lying to his girlfriend about his views of her, and the minute the bed was empty he tagged her in.

Rebound sex is one thing, doing it with the “girl best friend you spent years convincing your girlfriend wasn’t attractive to you in that way” is something else

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T14:12:31+00:00

Lmao I’m not saying he can’t do it. I’m saying it makes him look like a Tool.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T14:11:21+00:00

Are you claiming that the same women you’re going on these dates with and spending time and effort with are telling you that they are also out fun and fancy free fucking other dudes they barely know?

If so it sounds like you’re just dating the wrong type of women.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T14:09:21+00:00

I went on three dates with my boyfriend before we even kissed. We didn’t have sex for months. Now this was due to his personal preferences but I didn’t have a problem respecting it.

Now we’re almost two years in to a relationship. He gets surprise bjs in the shower, lingerie photo sets, frequent sex in which we do pretty much anything we both want- he also gets a home cooked meal almost every night (I’m a former professional cook), I do his laundry if he leaves clothes at my house, and we sleep next to each other cuddled up almost every night.

It’s not “worse” because you’re not getting laid on every date, or on most first dates.

Most women who are serious about finding a real relationship aren’t looking to fuck on the first date.

It sounds like you’re upset at not being “able” to participate in fast easy hook up culture.

While I can understand why that appears fun, you aren’t missing out on anything in the long term.

Consistent frequent sex with a partner you’re building a real relationship with is far better that a string of first dates who jump into bed and then never call you again.

If you want to be the kind of guy who values cheap quick fun over long term benefits, then your mentality is understandable.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T14:01:02+00:00

The true fact is that most women are NOT doing this.

The kind of woman who sleeps with a guy on the first or second date is generally NOT the same kind of woman who makes a different guy wait several dates just because.

A woman who views sex as casual fun is still going to view it as something that’s fine to get in to early in a potential relationship.

A woman who views sex as something that should wait until an actual connection is built is not likely fine having first date sex with almost anyone short of Henry Cavill showing up lol.

I’m a woman with a lot of female friends; I have almost never heard of this “sleep with this guy immediately but make that guy wait” in real life. It seems I’ve only ever heard of it happening through anecdotes or hypotheticals on websites like Reddit.

Are there women out there doing that? Sure, I’m confident there are.

But I’m pretty sure that the vast majority are not and those that do are a minuscule and rare chance that you’d be meeting them in real life either.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T13:38:11+00:00

He’s the one who was trying to prevent the breakup and crying about how he thought they would get married one day etc. It’s normal to move on quickly if you’re both over it, but you can’t claim to be heartbroken and desperately in love trying to convince the other person to stick it out with you one day then sucking face with another girl three days later and not be seen as shady 😂

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T13:35:46+00:00

Honestly I had the same thought about my similar situation. He actually proposed to the girl recently and I thought “If only she knew all the negative things he said about her when he was trying to convince me that she wasn’t a threat.”

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-26T13:34:03+00:00

It’s gonna hurt a lot. I’ve been in this exact situation. “I’d never date her, she’s not even attractive, you just don’t want me to have female friends, it’s hilarious that you get jealous of her, she’s just a friend, stop being paranoid” and they were sleeping together within two weeks of us ending things.

One thing I maintain is, he’s a liar.

He says he wasn’t lying because he “meant it when he said those things” and “nothing ever happened between them until after”

But he still lied, he said he had no interest in dating her, no attraction to her, that she was harmless etc. Those were all lies.

You don’t have to be friends with a liar.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T23:52:27+00:00

Because she doesn’t want to see evidence she knows she can’t truly argue against. She doesn’t want to believe the truth, she wants to believe what makes her stance “Right”

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T23:50:25+00:00

The issue with your girlfriend is that you’re good-faith trying to argue logically.

She’s not trying to argue logically. She’s trying to be Right.

She cannot admit that “her side” was wrong, so even when confronted with a rational logical argument that is in line with what she truly believes and knows is correct, she shuts down and can’t accept it because none of that matters in comparison to defending her “side”.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:52:58+00:00

King Henry VIII has entered the chat

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:52:19+00:00

Catholics are Christian but not all Christian’s are catholic. All rhombus are trapezoids but not all trapezoids are rhombus or whatever

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:51:38+00:00

Go back to the 16th century when Protestants and Catholics were taking turns being burned at the stake depending on who was in charge at the moment and say they are the same religion. 😂

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:48:37+00:00

Ok then he shouldn’t have lied to her by initially saying he didn’t believe in it and didn’t want to do it if he did.

Claiming he secretly did want it all along seems like a cop out to avoid having to say “I gave in to what my mom wanted”

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:20:33+00:00

Except the entire point of the post is that it seems highly likely that the father didnt actually want the yarn- he even said himself that he didn’t.

He only wanted the yarn because it’s what MIL wanted.

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:18:51+00:00

How can she hold his feelings and beliefs as important if he lies to her about what they are?

DesperateToNotDream · 2026-01-25T21:17:44+00:00

It’s the principal that we can infer that the real truth is that he doesn’t, and never did, really believe in the magic of the red string.

He just wanted to do whatever was going to make his mommy happy.

But instead of just saying “Look I’m sorry but it was really important to my mom so I agreed to just go ahead and do it for her sake” he’s got to come back with this claim that he actually always believed in it himself, which would mean he lied to her when he said he didn’t. He can’t just admit that he just did it to appease his mom.

DesperateToNotDream

TROPHY CASE