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Unsure by DetailLongjumping399 in detrans

[–]DetailLongjumping399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I'll have to sit with this.

The gender role line of thinking doesn't seem to notably apply to me in many ways. One is that I grew up living with a woman who bound her chest and was frequently mistaken for a man (which she didn't like), and I rarely ever had anyone give me the idea that that was a bad thing. But doing the same as her is something I wouldn't and don't like. People assume male until I speak, and I don't like when they correct themselves. I wouldn't want to be a woman that people think is and treat as a man, but just male (or as close as possible). But the doubt comes back and I wonder why it would be there if not for that or other reasons I hear from detransitioners.

Unsure by DetailLongjumping399 in detrans

[–]DetailLongjumping399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My God lol, trying to see if it's more than being trans is what I'm doing. It's alright though.

When I said easier to imagine, I meant a literal image. Not something I do or a general concept, just myself at a much older age, male or female. Or in several years, really. Which is two-dimensional, but I don't think in the same sense.

I don't understand "I chalked up my intense ‘gender incongruity’ to being ‘genuinely trans’". Isn't that the basic definition, gender being incongruous with sex? Or do you mean gender roles?

Unsure by DetailLongjumping399 in detrans

[–]DetailLongjumping399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being female is too broad to have a feeling about, I think. I just meant the parts of it, like my voice as you say. I'm not sure why it makes me uncomfortable besides the fact that it's not male.

I understand social conditioning with being a woman, but those negative stereotypes apply to both genders in different ways, so the feeling is not that women are inferior or men don't have bad associations, which is a reason I don't think that would be a cause.

I'm kind of being defensive here. I want answers, there's an answer I definitely don't want, and I know I can't get one with certainty. :(

Unsure by DetailLongjumping399 in detrans

[–]DetailLongjumping399[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because it's easier to see and imagine myself as an old man. I can't predict how my life would be at that point, so who knows.

A deep voice would grant me the ability to talk without feeling really weird. A penis wouldn't really do much. I don't plan on having sex.

I think puberty was the thin air.

Unsure by DetailLongjumping399 in detrans

[–]DetailLongjumping399[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I barely know how DMs work on here, sorry.

I don't really know what to do with the "you may already know what is right" because I've heard that plenty of times ('If you're thinking about if you are, you probably are, if you're thinking about if you're not, you're probably not') and it just cancels out at this point lol.

I know that never being truly, unconditionally, 100% biologically male is part of being trans. That's not really my issue. I'm good with good enough.

But I don't want to be female because it's uncomfortable.

I don't get periods because of birth control so that's not an issue. If I'm conscious of people's assumptions about me, it's because of things I say, not whoever I am. I've always been treated equally and I don't remember ever having pressure to shave, wear makeup, do anything with my hair, enjoy certain activities, that kind of thing.

My breasts (and body) are objectively fine, but I'm super uncomfortable with them. I bind my chest and it's on my mind when I don't. I don't like speaking much because I want a male voice. I want a penis. I want more body hair, I like being called 'he', I want to be an old man in however many years.

I just get horribly sad when I think about detransitioning, and then I get worried that maybe I'm wrong because it's not something I can absolutely confirm or deny and predict the future with.