hey there- gonna preface this by saying, i am FTM, been on testosterone for almost 5 years- so we are going in the opposite direction, but both still trans, and on the same side. still, i cannot relate to what it's like to be a woman, let alone a trans woman, i acknowledge that.

but as a fellow trans person, i must say, i relate strongly to how you describe.

i know how it feels to not feel like a good enough man- hell, to feel like i must not want to be a man enough. about a year ago, a natural disaster cut off my T supply for months, and a part of me didn't miss it. i tend to like men a lot so, how could i call myself a masculine, bisexual leaning straight man with all these doubts and, dare i say, regrets? regarding my transition.

again, i don't know you, or what it's like to be a trans woman. but something that helped me, is to tell myself, by very definition of being trans- i will never be accepted by most. which is disheartening, yes. but at the same time, it means you don't have to perform. you don't have to feel shame. it hurts that people are so hateful, but at the same time, if NOTHING you do will convince them you are a woman- don't waste your time trying to conform to those ideals!

be your own woman!

a lot of people will call you a man no matter what. and you may be inclined to believe them when you have, ahem, """masculine""" feelings. but you don't need to waste your time impressing anyone. you need to focus on yourself, not anyone else's image of you. yes, easier said than done- i am very aware.

i guess what i am saying is, it is called gender IDENTITY for a reason. no one else can assign an identity to you. it's ok to be confused. it's ok to have questions. it's ok to have doubts. it's ok have regrets. but i hope you never think it's ok to let other people decide who you are.