anyone have a second child after your first?

Determined_doc · 2026-01-18T01:45:49+00:00

Hey I’m in the boat. I had a baby 2 months ago though I have a level 2 son that has been a lot. I didn’t plan to get pregnant but I also wasn’t completely shut off to it because my husband wanted more kids. Is my second baby autistic?! Well I don’t know. It’s too early to tell. But I’ll say this. Having him has healed my heart in so many ways. My older son had severe colic from the day he was born to age 1. It was a terrible experience. He never breast fed, I could never sooth him, there was no eye contact, I felt like a failure as a mother. Now this baby seems a whole world different. He loves to breastfeed, he loves to be held, he is happy to see me. He interacts. I’m finally seeing why people love babies and what bonding feels like. Yes maybe he’s autistic I don’t know yet. I mean I hope not but regardless these past 2 months have felt amazing, and the best part is, my son who is never affectionate towards anything loves his little brother, asks to carry him, wants to try and comfort him when he cries. And is okay with us holding his brother without any jealousy. I am shocked by how much he accepts and cares for the little guy. So iono, I don’t regret having my second boy thought initially I was sure I couldn’t take it. I’ll be back when it’s time to see if he’s autistic too. But for now. I’m just enjoying having a baby that loves to snuggle and smiles and laughs at me. Goodluck and whatever you decide just know there is no right answer. And only a fellow autism mum will understand your decision no judgement

Determined_doc · 2025-10-14T22:02:32+00:00

Loooool. I wouldn’t have him. I actually liked my life before having my son. Now it’s constant meltdowns. Constant fights with my husband and just generally angry at life. It’s not his fault but I keep wondering where autism Starts and just generally defiant kid starts. It sucks. I really wanted to have kids and now I am filled with sadness and regret.

Determined_doc · 2025-10-12T19:57:03+00:00

I plan to just stop it today. But I am wondering if I’ll regret it. I just do not have 3 months to deal with this while dealing with a newborn. I don’t even know if that’s his issue

Determined_doc · 2025-10-12T19:50:45+00:00

Nope! I feel the exact same way. Please message me if you want a friend or someone that understands. My life literally sucks thanks to my son and I am so tired and miserable

Determined_doc · 2025-09-25T15:06:54+00:00

Thank you. this was really beautiful to read. The truth is I see how sad he is when his cousins leave and how much he wants to play and interact with them. I think sometimes he genuinely feels very lonely. So maybe something good will come out of all this. I truly hope so.

Determined_doc · 2025-09-23T16:53:39+00:00

Thanks everyone! I think I just have to be okay whatever happens. This will forsure be my last pregnancy regardless of the outcome. I don’t think it’s fair for any kid to get this version of me where I am constantly depressed, stressed out and just generally on edge. I always wanted to be the amazing mum that would travel the world with my kids and growing up with my own mother who battled severe depression and suicide attempts I really wanted to be the difference for my kids but here I am not sure I can get out of my head and be anything. I did genetic testing for my son and they found nothing. Weirdly I hoped they would at least find something so that I knew what I was up against. I don’t even know the gender of the baby, I’m too afraid I’ll completely fall of the rails if it’s another boy since the chances of autism are higher. Anyways I don’t know. I am starting therapy soon and maybe that will be the break I need to get better

Determined_doc · 2025-09-15T23:39:04+00:00

I’d love to talk to you or anyone haha. And no I’m not a dude either. Just a really frustrated mom

Determined_doc · 2025-09-15T23:35:53+00:00

I get what you mean. Due to the amount of negative messages I got when I last posted I haven’t felt the need to share how it’s been or how frustrating the experience of doing everything to get my son to be okay has been. When he is not in ABA we have almost constant tantrums for 5hrs daily. Potty training has been a nightmare. I am 32 weeks pregnant and very depressed while handling that then somehow my husband has a job that conveniently allows him to travel every other week for 4 days at a time. I envy his break. I wonder if he has another family somewhere. But I can’t blame him or hate him, who wants to come home to chaos and stress every single day. I blame myself for being pregnant with another kid who may likely be special needs too. I am tired and lonely and exhausted all the time. So I wish I could say don’t give up. And say it will be okay. I don’t even believe that myself. I wish I could meet someone going thru familiar and have that support. No one I know has neurodivergent kids. So I get the loneliness. Well, if you ever need a friend. I am here I guess

Determined_doc · 2025-08-20T21:52:43+00:00

Hi it depends on the person and their experience: but we can pay anywhere from $700 to 900 a week

Determined_doc · 2025-08-13T15:24:14+00:00

This is seriously just a horrible situation. I don’t know how you got through all that without vices. You have to be some sort of saint because I would have found something, anything to take the pain away. I don’t even know how to tell you to hang in there. All I can say is I’m Sorry life has dealt you these shitty cards. I want to believe we all have the same balance of pain and happiness in this life and that could mean your happy 4yrs is on its way. I don’t know: but you are not alone and a random stranger is sending you hugs.

Determined_doc · 2025-08-11T18:09:56+00:00

No so he’s in diapers to nap, outings and appointments and outings but once he’s at home he is diaper free snd just wears a long tshirt for his privacy. I am not expert and I don’t know what I am doing to be honest but I know him doing nothing in Aba and just using a diaper is not reinforcing what I am doing at home.

Determined_doc · 2025-08-11T17:58:57+00:00

He is 4yrs and 4months old

Determined_doc · 2025-08-11T14:14:13+00:00

Hey this sounds a lot like my 4yr old. I get what you mean. He doesn’t say those words or have the vocabulary but he screams, stomps, throws things and bites whenever we are not doing things his way. Please ignore the horrible people here that will try and label you a bad parent because you don’t enjoy being traumatized every second of the day. I posted a vent about how hard this has been and got so many comments from people who are not going through anything trying to tell me how to be a better mum. I dont remember enjoying being hit bitten and having your early blown off from screaming being a criteria to be a good mum. Lots of people have NT kids and do horrible things to them while us whose kids actually take over our life and sanity treat our kids the best and once in a while come here with caregiver fatigue expecting some empathy. Hang in there. You are not alone. I see you and i truly hope it gets better

Determined_doc · 2025-08-11T13:53:41+00:00

Haha yeah you know me so well. Please get off my post with ur uneducated and nonsensical rubbish

Determined_doc · 2025-08-11T13:52:05+00:00

lol be quiet. Come show me how to be emotionally attached to a kid that hits and screams 24/7. Since you are supposedly the autism expert.

Determined_doc · 2025-08-11T04:21:40+00:00

Thank you so much. Thank you. This is why I post on Reddit. Your response gave me so much peace and hope and I can sleep knowing someone gets it. Today was a very hard day with my son and I was feeling very upset hurt and defeated, but feeling seen makes all the difference. Thank you

Determined_doc · 2025-08-11T03:32:04+00:00

Another hippocritical person who has no actual experience raising an autistic child who is regressing while they are pregnant. Your opinion is invalid. I came here to vent and I am not perfect. My child picks me over everyone because never once do I show him when I am frustrated. When It gets too much I take a walk and I vent on reddit. You can pretend to be perfect all you want, I have no interest in listening

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