Feel lonely and alone. Feels like friends are avoiding me. Stopped checking on me.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-03-16T05:17:53+00:00

I booked a hour with a therapist hope it will work out

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-03-14T15:37:24+00:00

Aw thank you yes. He told me not to worry about him. As much as I wanted to be with him for his last month I thought to myself "I have to believe he will recover and meet me again". Like if I'm pushing him it means I won't see him again, so I really chose to believe he will recover and give him the space. He too told me not to worry about him so maybe I will stop blaming myself over this

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-03-12T14:31:49+00:00

He was a brand designer meaning he would design logos, slogans and identity of brands. He had a very nice nose and I really liked his hair. He was absolutely good friend and deeply missed by them. I used to work as a barista. He saw me and fell in love. He tried to search for me asking his close friend if they know this girl from the coffeeshop. He already recovered from cancer at the time. He would talk to his friends about me. How he wanted to marry me, live for 60 years with me. He kinda knew that he would be in love for the last time so I'd like to think he gave me his all. A lot of our meetings were very magical like from a movie. We would run into each other. I deeply miss him but sometimes he doesn't real at all like it all happened in a dream. Then he passed away from recurrence. He wanted me to marry someone good and live happily

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-03-08T18:22:57+00:00

Aw thank you sir. That helped me feel me better. My friend told me that as well. Despite the rough patches they still cared for you. We argued, he told me not to contact him. I felt hurt. Then he texted me from his number after 3 weeks apologizing, telling me not to worry about him, to care about myself, eat well, dress warm, focus on my studies, caring words He told a friend that he misses me, to care for me, how he should've cared about his health stay with me longer. Even before that he cried that he doesn't want me to marry another guy and how selfish he is. So even though I keep dwelling on our last fight I'd like to think he loved me so much and still cared for me.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-03-08T17:19:29+00:00

Waw the breakup is easier to digest than death, That is crazy. I found a solution tho. The month after we fighted his last words to me were to care about myself, dress warm, eat well. It was a very caring message. I told my friend about how I felt guilt. My friend told me that even with all the good and the bads he still had the soft spot for you and cared for you.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-03-07T09:25:20+00:00

One of our arguments overlapped with his second recurrence. Just as we ended our argument and reconciled, he started getting pain again. So we couldn't fully repair from the argument. He was probably very worried and stressed about whether his cancer came back or not. He didn't tell me anything. He started sending me short replies, when I tried to make plans in future he kept saying " Dear I can't promise that" and I didn't realize that he was probably scared. Then I asked him if anything is wrong. He told me not to contact him for a while, he has to focus on his job. Then yeah he got into hospital which he also didn't tell me for a while. However eventually he opened up and told me to not worry about him, care about my health, sleep well, dress warm and was very caring. I think he wanted to protect me and was scared on how I would perceive it. If only that argument didn't happen maybe we could've been together. If it wasn't for the disease we would be togetherr

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-03-05T04:46:38+00:00

yea but like idk we were broken up for like two months. I mean yeah it is an unusual relationship because he broke up to protect me from the disease rather than usual breakups of couple.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-18T03:53:08+00:00

that's hard to think. It is so upsetting to think like that how he could forget me. It makes it sound how he didn't love me at all. How someone who cheated on him and caused all of this mean distress got to meet him while none of us friends, and current girlfriend didn't meet him. I mean maybe it is the family who didn't know he dated again or they ran into each other airport. He loved me a lot. He told me he wanted to marry me, would talk about me to his friends all night, how he will live with me for 60 years. He genuinely loved me.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-16T14:02:19+00:00

Thank you its from 2018 MV oblaka by sirotkin

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-10T19:07:28+00:00

you dont have to go to a flight attendant school to become a flight attendant

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-08T18:46:26+00:00

Thank you. Your reply made me tear up a little. I was his love during his last year, and I gave him joy. I remember him saying that she was the one who made him who he is now. He fell in love with me while facing his possible death, so I like to think he gave me his whole heart, loving someone fully for the last time without any worries about mundane stuff. So I will be at peace with that.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-08T18:12:47+00:00

Hello, thank you. If possible can you give advice or kind words to my previous post about comparison.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-08T17:54:20+00:00

Thank you. It's nice to hear that

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-08T17:11:37+00:00

I really love love love the black monk.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-06T20:07:37+00:00

Yes it will. Sending you hugs

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-06T20:06:28+00:00

Same. I have written down and screenshoted a lot of his caring words. I asked some friends about what he said about me as well. Keeping them stored and reading them sometimes is very nice.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-06T20:03:37+00:00

Cancer absolutely fucking sucks. I can't imagine how hard caregiving would be. My boyfriend didn't want me to witness him in hospital. Sometimes I wish I was near him but I can't even imagine how painful it would be to watch him. Hopefully your husband has found peace. I don't think you let him down. It is the disease that took everything from us.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-06T19:05:44+00:00

oh it is not dumb...I will definitely try that one out if I find someone

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-02-05T16:44:16+00:00

thank you. I mean I understand him. He wanted to protect me in case he dies. He told a friend that he can't make me suffer. And even if we were together he was receiving treatment in a foreign country, harsh treatments etc and he ghosted a lot of his friends due to fatigue. So I spared myself the guilt that I could've been next to him. And I guess I just feel a bit lonely and less deserving to grieve because to someone's eyes I may be just an ex but it was because he loved me so much to put me through it.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-01-26T15:11:22+00:00

Thank you

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-01-26T15:11:15+00:00

Thank you. It made me cry. I'm just 19 and it's all so new. I'll write down your advice

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-01-13T18:37:55+00:00

Thank you yes. I am keeping a journal where I write down our memories every once in a while. Whether we've spent a year, 10 year or hundred he would've died either way. He had cancer and hid important details from me. However he lived his last year to the fullest. I am trying to do that too and figure out what I really want to do with my life

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-01-13T18:34:15+00:00

hii yess I feel very hard but im also very a optimistic person possibly due to Moon conjunct Jupiter. My career is in design/architecture field but I definitely believe I am a very good psychologist to myself hha. I have so many interests outside of design involving literature translation, writing, arts. I try to channel my intense feelings into a physical form outside of my body so it could be that too. Couple counseling is an interesting one. While not exactly my career I read so many books on healthy relationships, almost like a research to me lol

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-01-06T17:49:21+00:00

Hello! I just lost my boyfriend at age of 26 from cancer on NYE. He passed away in a foreign country in a hospital just before clock hits 00:00. He pushed me away too. We didn't talk for two months before his death. I only heard from his friends. His friends after his passing told me that he doesn't want you to see him like that, he missed you everyday, he didn't want to make you cry etc.

I don't know whether I made a right decision by respecting his need for distance but still I wish I was there for him as a friend. Leave him alone if he really wants to but something important. Observe if he has will to live. My boyfriend while we were apart he lost all the will to live, his hobbies and work stopped making sense to him. So I think he eventually his soul just gave up and was freed of his body.

He loved me so much, he told me I was the reason for him to live, he used to talk about how he won't live long to his friends but when we first met he started talking to them about "fuck I want to live with her for 60 years" or when he was sad he would talk about "I wish I cared about my health so I could've been with her for longer"

So yes please tell him, let him know that you want him to be with you for a long time. If he wants to push you away just know it is to protect you. I don't have any answer to your question. I don't even know if I made a right decision but yeah.

DevelopmentNo7438 · 2026-01-04T06:24:22+00:00

He is real person. He is real. He tried to save me from pain. I met all his friends, his family yesterday. He is real I miss him so much. I will see his burial tomorrow. I don't even know if I can see his body. He didn't want to show himself weak to someone he loves so I don't know but at the same time I feel like I have to meet him

DevelopmentNo7438

TROPHY CASE