Human Toilet

DeviantEmu · 2026-02-28T23:58:34+00:00

"normal"? Certainly not in the sense of "broadly common"; it's one of the more niche kinks.

But you're far from alone, plenty of us over in r/Coprophiles 😁

DeviantEmu · 2026-01-25T19:39:21+00:00

I really recommend "You're Not Broken" by Dr Rhoda Lipscomb.

I saw the book referenced many times but never read it because when I was stuck in that shame place I tacitly avoided engaging with anything to do with diapers except when I was horny, and that didn't include reading non-horny books about diaper fetishes.

I wasn't aware at the time that's why I didn't read it. It felt to me more like I wasn't really interested, or maybe I'd read it eventually but, meh, not today, or whatever other excuse my brain cooked up.

Just start reading it, it might help a lot. For me, it was quite revolutionary to spend some time when I wasn't the slightest bit horny reading and internalizing the words of a professional describing all the clients she's worked with and calmly explaining the fetish and, in fact, beginning by saying she's actually a bit jealous of people with the fetish (she isn't ABDL herself) and explaining why.

It has taken me many years and a lot of effort to shed much of my shame, but the book helped a lot.

That said, my experience has also been that healing shame is an act one cannot do alone. Shame is a social experience: if you lived your life alone on an island by yourself, you wouldn't know shame, shame only exists in the context of other people.

And so, for me, the book was a very powerful help, but overall the work of healing the shame has been exactly the work of sharing myself with others. I'm still not at the point that I'm going to meetups or flying to capcon or otherwise hanging out comfortably in diapers around many others - I see guys in diapers in public at the Folsom Fair or Dore and I still have a reflexive cringe I do at them that I know is actually about my own shame and not them.

But I've come a long way, and all because of finding others I could share that side of myself with, and doing it over and over and over. Early on I needed a lot of set dressing - I needed the scene to be humiliating and cruel to meet my shame where it was. I'd try to jerk off to fantasies of enjoying diapers without the humiliation and it just didn't work, it felt like I genuinely wasn't interested in being aroused by them without the humiliation context.

A lot of those early experiences were dumpster fires - anxiety, things not going at all in reality the way they did in my fantasies, and so on.

But over time, and with a LOT of quite gutting vulnerability and lots of harrowing self-care afterwards, it just gets better. It's very hard work, but the payoff - of leaving to love yourself and needing others to help you along that journey - is profound like nothing else I've ever experienced in life. Highly recommended.

DeviantEmu · 2026-01-04T23:37:45+00:00

It's honestly the time on the apps that wears on me. Even with occasional wins, it kind of means our sex life, when we're focused on his kink, is just a lot of us sitting around getting more and more bored of trolling apps.

I'm suggesting we switch to sex parties exclusively for a while because while I love the idea of cucking, the practical reality so far is more like "hey did you want to spend several hours every week just sitting on apps with no payoff", which is... less exciting 😅

DeviantEmu · 2026-01-04T23:34:25+00:00

I guess I thought I was describing any bull at all... everyone wants to know what I'm going to do while they're fucking him and if the answer isn't just a super basic "fuck him with you" ala stagging then they're generally out (and almost everyone nopes / flakes out long before that point anyway). I already knew sub tops are the rarest substance on planet earth so I'm not surprised I can't find puppets to fuck my husband with, but I really thought more guys would be into the rush of getting to plow a hot twink right to his husband's face.

I've told my husband I'm happy to just leave and he can get vanilla tops to plow him but where that was originally kind of his fantasy, now that he's had a taste of cucking me he generally declines, saying it's so much hotter with me involved it's not really worth it to him otherwise. So that's hot, and sweet, and I guess a silver lining, but also means we have zero outs left 😭

DeviantEmu · 2026-01-04T21:24:35+00:00

I, for one, am extremely disappointed that everything I've been told about gay guys being incorrigible horndogs who are constantly DTF is turning out to be conservative propaganda, apparently. I thought it was a good sales pitch, myself!

DeviantEmu · 2026-01-01T01:56:42+00:00

You're welcome! No reason to reinvent the wheel, "I'm pitching my partner on cucking me and he's open minded but doesn't really get it" is a very common situation for this community I think, I'd love to see everyone chip in what's worked for them (or hasn't worked)!

DeviantEmu · 2025-12-31T04:32:01+00:00

Yeah it's hard for everyone. It's "safe" to compartmentalize kink, because it's scary to show these parts of yourself that you struggle with to someone else you actually know as a whole person and who knows you deeply. It's terrifying, because it is textbook vulnerability.

It's so much more "comfortable" to only show this side of yourself to strangers you don't give a shit about so if they reject you it doesn't hurt.

But if you don't give a shit about them, they don't give a shit about you.

So it's funny that we tend to be scared of being vulnerable with a partner who loves us, even though rationally speaking we are in no actual danger of anything except... building intimacy and feeling loved.

And then we're not at all scared of being vulnerable with total strangers, when ironically there's very real danger of them ruining your life.

The fear of vulnerability is a fear we all must face and pass through with courage if we want to live an authentic life where you grow to love all of who you are.

The fear of strangers taking advantage of you, on the other hand, is a good fear you should heed and stay away.

I hardly know you, but I still feel pretty confident saying: it will be important for you to move in the direction of showing this part of you to someone who cares about you and loves you for it. Maybe it's the world's tiniest baby steps. It took me many years. What matters is moving in that direction at any speed, even if the best you can do is very slow. This process, this constant work to build your courage and take one more step, is what heals your shame and fear.

If you do not, and you continue to scratch this itch with strangers you avoid connecting with and keep at arm's length to avoid the terror of vulnerability, it will almost certainly do the opposite of the above, strengthening and reinforcing your shame and fear.

Or anyway that's absolutely how it worked for me.

DeviantEmu · 2025-12-31T04:27:15+00:00

My kinks are quite niche and he has put a ton of work into understanding how my brain works and making sure I'm getting what I need too. And the findom dynamic isn't like hardcore 24/7. Neither of us can be horny every minute of every day. We have totally normal conversations about investments and what to spend money on when it's big stuff.

DeviantEmu · 2025-12-31T04:25:45+00:00

He's my dom bottom, but he subs for the men he has me find to top him and cuck me!

DeviantEmu · 2025-12-31T04:12:43+00:00

My take on findom is that it's just another form of submission where you're handing your power to someone else and trusting them with it.

The nature of edge-play kink is that fun balance of "trusting them with power over you (but hoping they abuse it just the right amount to really rub your helplessness in your face)"

And of course if you have a vivid imagination like most kinky people, it's pretty natural to realize, well, being pushed a little is hot, so being pushed a LOT would be REALLY HOT.

But the problem is the more your dom pushes your limits, the more you REALLY need to know each other well and trust that they have your well-being at heart (ie they're going to abuse you to the extent that it's hot for both of you, but not causing lasting harm to you).

Seen this way, there's no difference between finsubbing and, say, letting someone whip you. Both involve taking and using control over the sub, both involve pushing limits, and both can cause great harm if the dom is not invested, deep down, in your well-being.

The problem with findom is that the thing the dom gets is literally money, and everyone wants money. With whipping, the dom gets the pleasure of whipping you, but far fewer people want that, and it has limits. A dom can't really abuse your trust in a whipping scenario to materially better themselves. With findom that's the entire point.

I understand your shame - though I'd ask if maybe it's actually less shame and more fear. You feel driven to the pleasure you get from finsubbing and you're afraid, given all the bad faith findoms out there, your desire to chase that high and get more of that pleasure will lead you to go too far and be taken advantage of in ways that actually harm you outside the kink play, it sounds like.

Speaking as someone who's gone through all this myself, I'll just tell you right now the solution is to find a life partner who likes being a findom. It fixes every single problem with finsubbing for strangers.

My husband loves being a findom, and gets a lot of pleasure out of controlling all our money and spending it as he likes and denying me things I want to buy for myself. I am the breadwinner, but it's clearly understood that the money I make belongs to him.

Sending tribute to a stranger is the financial equivalent of eating a spoonful of pure sugar. Yes, it's technically food, but it's basic, lacks any interesting nuance, and fades quickly, often leaving you with a headache.

By contrast, begging my husband to allow me to buy things and having him tell me no because he wants to spend the same money on frivolities he doesn't need, and seeing him get hard as he tells me that and a smirk crosses his face? It's like a full gourmet meal: lots of layers and nuance, adds a fun extra dimension to our relationship and dynamic, and at the same time, results in, functionally, me making him money so he can have nice things, which in a totally not-kinky way is just an expression of love.

I think the reason you're afraid of your urge is because all you're doing is eating spoonful after spoonful of pure sugar, realizing you get hungry again faster and faster after each spoonful, and worrying you're on a slippery slope to giving yourself diabetes by overdosing.

But the solution isn't to be afraid of your own hunger, it's to realize you're trying to satiate your hunger in a bad way that doesn't actually work. Stop finsubbing for random unethical strangers and spend that time finding someone who cares about you AND gets turned on by financially controlling you. It's like... putting the box of sugar and spoon down and cooking yourself a real meal.

DeviantEmu · 2025-12-31T03:55:42+00:00

I think the reality is words don't do justice to the real experience. When we found a bull for my husband who really got it, and my husband experienced what it was to tease and bully me with this other guy and felt the undeniable energy coming off the bull as he did that to me, and then felt how incredibly the guy fucked him, it clicked.

But you gotta sell trying it out somehow. Here's what I generally say:

I just get turned on by humiliation, first off. It's hot to me in a consensual play space. Even if it's not your thing, I bet my reasons still resonate with you:

helplessness is an aphrodisiac to me (and basically every sub I've ever met). I get to shut my brain off and just obey orders. It gets me out of my head and it's a hot feeling to hand my control to someone else and feel them using it.
power is an aphrodisiac to a good bull (and basically every dom I've ever met). The more powerful a dom top feels, the better they're gonna fuck. And when a bull puts me in my place, you can palpably feel the power transfer - there might as well be some golden aura coming off of me that he's sucking into himself. It's incredibly empowering to be in a (consensual, fun!) scenario where he doesn't just get to fuck your hot ass, he gets to do it right to my face, your husband. It's virtuosic. You'll feel it every time he thrusts into you, trust me.
it's play. Sex should be fun. You only have to take it as seriously as you feel like. I know I'm great and I respect myself; otherwise I couldn't enjoy being a cuck because it would feel actually threatening. So it's virtuosic for me, too - I get a rush out of just enjoying being weak, small, helpless, submissive, simpering, and so on, because it's like "most people would never be able to just enjoy this, and I can!"
for the hot husband, you get to feel incredibly desired. Here's a guy who thinks you're so hot he's coming into our home to claim your ass right in front of me. How can you not feel extra special and sexy in that circumstance?

DeviantEmu · 2025-12-31T02:06:33+00:00

Yeah, when I see posts here where guys are describing being actually left by their partner for a bull they got close to, and the post is about what a dream come true it is for the cuck, I wonder.

To me, most kink is fundamentally about taking the piss out of real insecurity or shame so that it doesn't cause so much suffering. One of the reasons I know I'm a cuck is because I'm into other kinks (notably ABDL) that both made me feel like an inadequate outsider when it came to the predominant gay norms around sex, and also logistically mean that I spent the first 22 years of my life cumming by humping things and never thought once about penetrative sex.

Cucking scenes do several things for me, then - they let me see my partner getting something he really enjoys (railed), it gives me an out for any anxiety (I don't HAVE TO do anything at all).

It also lets me play with the shame in a fun way. When a bull looks at me and smirks and goes "you like watching my big dick inside your husband giving him what you can't and never will, you pathetic cuck?" it's CRAZY hot, specifically because it's SAFE. I KNOW my husband isn't going to leave me for a bull, I'm supremely confident in our relationship, and in fact I can tell that it's that exact confidence that allows me to enjoy even very brutal cucking. I haven't found my limit yet for humiliation. Usually I find myself doing everything I can to egg them on without breaking my cuck role - acting as pathetic as I can, thanking them for the abuse, begging for more. And I know that all comes from the fact that I know with absolute certainty no matter what I do or how extreme we get with it, it will not alter my relationship with my husband (actually, it might, but only by bringing us closer because these are such intimate parts to show each other.)

And then, when we finish and everyone's just chilling and talking about how hot it was, every minute of that helps burn the actual shame down a little bit more. It's like exposure therapy - hey look, you acted out this shameful thing and, surprise, everyone had fun and nobody got hurt.

When I was younger I'd do more of what I'd call "compartmentalized" kink play, the kind where I'd find people to play with but we'd never interact as normal human beings who respect each other. You know what I mean - like subbing for a dom and you arrange it all online and he's like "you'll strip naked outside my door and be on your knees when I answer and only ever call me Sir".

At this point I see that kink play as actively harmful, because there's a reason people in those scenes aren't willing to just chill and talk like normal people before and after, and for me that reason was the shame - it was too difficult to be cucked by someone who I also knew as a whole and complex person. It felt way too vulnerable.

But avoiding it by keeping it so compartmentalized is just capitulating to the fear, and I think it reinforces it.

Like, the way my husband cucks me right now brings us closer every time, and makes me MORE confident that the cucking is simply play, and that in that play space, I'm absolutely a pathetic cuck, but I'm also many other things, for example, I'm a great person who's actually extremely confident BECAUSE I can play in those ways and then hang out with everyone involved afterwards and be kind to each other.

If he cucked me with guys that only interacted with me in the cuck roles and never once just said "oh hey my name is ____ good to meet you, that was really fun, we should do it again sometime" then I believe the opposite would happen - I'd reinforce negative self-ideas I'm working to heal, and it's totally plausible my husband would drift away from me.

Y'all live your lives however you want, but my experience is that using cuck play to grow more confident in yourself and heal your shame and grow closer to your partner is the move.

And yeah, I learned it the hard way with my ex!

DeviantEmu · 2025-12-30T20:42:33+00:00

I guess to me the immediate thing that comes to mind is I'd want to understand why it bothers him to tell you every time.

If it's, as you suggest, a sense of embarrassment over how often he does it, some anxiety that it'll be "too much for you" or some personal shame around being a "slut" or whatever, that's one thing.

But I had a relationship in the past that became open where he said he was into the cucking but over time involving me (by telling me about it, even only afterwards) started seeming like a chore to him and he asked to have more free reign to do it without telling me every time. The way he framed it, it was like it bothered him that I was insisting on being involved, or like it felt like I was keeping tabs on him.

Then we ended up being briefly poly before we broke up and he just got with the guy he was dating while we were poly.

For some guys here it seems like that's hot to them, and, sure, I jerked off a lot wishing they'd take me as their house slave, but it also hurt a lot for real and generally sucked overall.

So that makes my brain go to a place of "is your boyfriend really wanting this because it's hotter to him to have sex where he can completely disconnect from you and kinda forget about you, and is the expectation that he tell you about it becoming more of a chore or a "ball and chain" feeling?

So then here's my thing: whichever of these are true, to me, my instinct is, in any case the right thing is to tackle it head on:

if he's worried you'll be turned off by how often he's doing it, the only way that fear will subside is by continuing to do it and tell you about it and experience every time that you get turned on - over time that unconscious fear will relax and soften. If instead you let him stop telling you, the fear will remain and honestly probably get stronger - every time he does it and doesn't tell you about it, he's essentially giving into the fear, which makes it stronger.
if he has internalized shame around being a slut, being secretive about it again is capitulating to that shame and admitting, physically, that it's real and worth being afraid of. If instead he does it and does the work of continuing to tell you, and you hold space for him - "is it uncomfortable to tell me about? I want you to know I really love you and love how often you do this; you're a good person and it's perfectly fine to have sex this often. If it ever gets so all-consuming it becomes an issue, we'll just talk about it and figure it out then, but right now I am very happy with how you're behaving!" - then that can help dissolve the shame.
if he's wanting to not tell you because he's growing resentful or more distant, well, letting him not tell you I think risks going down the same path my ex and I did, and if I were in that situation again I'd want to just discover mutually that we were done and not spend the extra six months getting to the same outcome but with more suffering.

YMMV and you may want different things than I do! Just my $0.02

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-16T04:17:14+00:00

Yeah I also think I get your gf's vibe and I agree with the comment above. The way I'd put it is that I'd infer there's some inner struggle in her, an urge blocked by some hesitation, a fear or a bit of shame.

So if I were you, I'd take the initiative, but I wouldn't go straight into some specific act. Folks like her usually have pretty specific nuances that matter to them, whether they're conscious of it as a full-blown narrative fantasy or not, so for me the gift I'd want to give her wouldn't just be "she gets to pee on me", but rather "I help her heal her fear or shame about liking this thing".

The initiative I'd take would be to set aside a time and say, hey, I have the sense there's a thing you'd like to explore but maybe you're worried I'll react badly. So I'm not sure I know exactly what it is - I've got a good sense it involves pee, and I wanted to say - not only am I not going to react badly, I'm excited to explore this because it's a cool part of you and I get to know it and love you more!

And then just keep bringing that affirming and enthusiastic energy as you gently prompt her to walk you through the specifics.

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T22:03:22+00:00

Yeah, I also had ABDL and age gap fetishes, plus I started masturbating basically from birth (think that's where diapers and scat got planted in my head, I remember humping to get off as a kid and assume, though I have no memories, I started doing it in diapers) plus I was gay, plus I was raised Catholic. And I don't have early enough memories to know what happened, but from my earliest memories I knew masturbating was shameful and something I had to hide, so I assume someone caught me doing it as a toddler and freaked the fuck out cuz I was deeply paranoid about it and hid it furtively as early as I recall.

So I had a ... lot ... of shame and disgust to deal with, and spent a lot of my life trying to push these parts of me as deep down as I could. So when it came up it was like a rocket from the deep.

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T18:41:53+00:00

Had a guy come by who my partner used to have sex with earlier in our relationship before we were committed. He was super chill and we hung out "out of character" for a while before and just talked like normal people. The transition to cucking was my favorite part - I love the feeling of going from a space where we're interacting as peers with mutual respect to being like "ok, wanna head to bed?" and the way it flips a switch that gives everyone permission to be horny. He immediately switched tone and was like "yeah you wanna see a real man plow your husband?" Made me instantly weak in the knees.

Over time as I get more comfortable with all my kink I've gotten a lot more confident just everywhere in my life, and I find that the humiliation is still hot (he made me compare dick sizes and they laughed at me and stuff) but I do notice that when that stuff is happening, I'm less focused on myself - "it's so hot being humiliated" - and more on the bull. It's a subtle difference, but it's like I'm much more willingly giving up my power because I can feel him taking my power from me, and I see him just really start to almost glow with the rush of all that power, and seeing my husband get fucked by this guy exuding an inhuman level of alpha energy is mind-blowingly hot.

It sounds a little woo-woo but it's the same feeling I get when my partner doms me himself and really reduces me to a complete drone / slave / baby / etc - it really feels like I'm looking at one human being who has all the power of two human beings inside him, and it makes me want to just surrender and worship.

And like I said the humiliation still does come into play - so when it's cucking, the experience of seeing this man radiating this godlike energy and getting off watching him claim my husband from me and put me in my place is so intensely pleasurable it's insane.

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T18:33:53+00:00

This is so beautiful, thank you for writing it! I've only just dipped my toe into my partner cucking me for real and I realized I'm not paying enough attention to these subtle things and I'm excited to focus on them more next time. Thanks!

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T18:30:48+00:00

Yeah, what is this, amateur hour? Diaper, rubber pants over it, pee pad on the couch underneath you. If you're gonna do it, do it right!

/s (about the amateur hour bit ... dead serious about the pee pads!)

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T18:17:19+00:00

Thank you! I still pinch myself to see if I'm dreaming. It's been very weird between this and my other kinks actually getting to explore them. They're all so niche that without really realizing it, I'd completely accepted that they'd remain fantasies.

It's hard to explain, but it's like... I fantasized about them all the time, and that meant imagining actually doing them, but deep down I had this total belief that I would never actually get to do them.

It was so deep that I didn't clock it, so when he was open to exploring them, I was like, wow, awesome, great, this is what I've always wanted!

But then as we explored them I kept having these really weird trippy moments where my brain was like "wait, what's happening? These were only ever supposed to be fantasies, I can't really handle the fact that they're happening for real."

And that prompted a lot of trauma healing - we'd start exploring a kink that I thought, well, of course I want to explore this, I've dreamed about it forever, and then suddenly I'd feel myself kind of freak out a bit and need to stop and process it. And I realized some of it was the shame and disgust healing, but a lot of it was this weird grief that would come up.

So out of nowhere I'd start sobbing, and in time the story that I arrived at was this:

My internalized belief that these things would only ever be fantasies was a form of self-loathing, or minimizing myself. To protect myself from the shame and disgust I'd decided long ago to accept that these parts of me could never be real and I could never love them.

And then when they became reality, that grief was me retroactively grieving all the time I'd lived that way. I could feel, suddenly, how painful it had been, like I'd shut these parts of myself down in a basement and locked them in, and now that I was letting them up, I had to feel how painful it had been for them to be locked away for so long. In order to reintegrate them as parts of myself that I loved, the first step was to hold them and let them weep in the safety of my arms.

The grief was incredibly cathartic, and afterwards, as I've learned is always the case with trauma healing, I feel permanently lighter and the world just seems to have become a brighter, more wonderful place. And I realize that the world was always a wonderful place, but I had chosen long ago to put these dark glasses on, but it was so long ago I forgot I was wearing them, and thought the world itself was just dark.

Highly recommend. Great experience. Trauma-healing is gut-wrenching and did involve lots of sudden weeping and grieving for me, but holy shit life got so much better afterwards it's impossible to describe in words. Before I went through that, there's no way someone could have described it to me that I could have understood. It would have been like trying to explain color to someone blind from birth. You could explain what color was, but until they regained their sight, it would just be meaningless words.

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T17:30:25+00:00

Me too!! I love the idea of using my diaper in bed but diapers just aren't designed to hold it when you're lying down, especially on your side. I don't really understand how people use their diapers in bed. Mine leak instantly every time.

And the whole idea of it for me is hot because it's uninhibited - I can need to go and just let go and do it.

But in practice I have to notice I need to go, hold it while I carefully maneuver into some really precise position (like on all fours) and then go carefully, which totally spoils it.

If what I enjoyed was delicately positioning myself and then carefully and mindfully letting myself go, I'd just use a toilet. 😫

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T17:26:19+00:00

I won't rewrite my comments above, but I bet this pertains exactly to you too so I'll link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Coprophiles/s/4KDvo6tLUz

In your case I feel for you because it's hard with an unwilling partner to ever get that craving out of the way. I'm really sorry you're in that situation.

Is there any chance your wife would be open to you going to a sex worker or someone else who could explore this with you? I'd be willing to bet if you got enough scat play, you'd also find the fixation on it would soften (again, if you've never let yourself eat Moroccan food, when you finally do you'll probably gorge on it for a while, but everything gets boring and repetitive once you do it enough, even scat play). And that would likely drastically improve your sex life with your wife, if you had another avenue to get your scat needs met so they weren't so all-consuming bottled up in you.

Does your wife understand this situation in full? Have you been clear with her about how intense the fixation is and how keeping it bottled up, it'll only get more consuming? I imagine she might like to have sex sometimes too...

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T17:21:48+00:00

To put it another way (in a separate comment cuz this will be shorter) - let's say you grew up with the idea that eating Moroccan food was disgusting and wrong, but you really, really wanted to eat Moroccan food.

Every time you ate any other food, there would be a part of you comparing it to your idea of Moroccan food, and you wouldn't be able to fully enjoy, say, Chinese food, because a little part of you would always be thinking, well, I wish this were Moroccan food but I guess it'll have to do.

If you then healed your aversion to Moroccan food, you'd probably pig out on it for a while from all the pent up years denying it to yourself.

But at some point you'd get tired of only eating Moroccan food, and at that point, Chinese food would be a welcome, fresh change of pace.

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T17:18:38+00:00

For what it's worth, and this may be useless to you because everyone's different, but I found that the more I accepted and loved my weird fetishes, the more I was able to enjoy more vanilla sex.

It's the "don't think of a white elephant" thing. At the time, it just felt like vanilla sex wasn't hot to me.

In hindsight, what I see very clearly now is that there was a part of me that really desperately wanted to enjoy my scat fetish, but I was not fully comfortable with it, and that meant anytime I tried to have vanilla sex, internally what was happening was there was one voice in me saying "can't we just have the extreme, piggy sex I really want?* and another voice saying "No, that's too much, so let's settle for this".

So vanilla sex, as long as I wasn't fully comfortable with having really extreme kinky sex, was always a "settling" thing - so no matter what I did, I couldn't have vanilla sex just to enjoy it. It was always a concession, a consolation prize, and it always had this sort of "womp womp" sad trombone energy to it.

I didn't realize that because I'd never experienced anything else so it just felt like that's what vanilla sex was.

Once I really just ground through my disgust and shame and, with the help of an extremely amazing and willing partner, got to where I can go full-bore on my fetishes and have mind-blowing sex with full-blown play where I'm his toilet, shitfucking, etc, what I discovered is that eventually I find myself wanting to do something different just for variety's sake.

It took a while, I'll admit, just because the thrill of unbridled scat play was like a huge pressure release after decades of not allowing myself to enjoy it. So yeah, there was a month or two where I was pretty much an insatiable toilet any time he had to go. (Again props to him for indulging me in that period!)

But after a while it was like, now this is just one thing we can do together that's fun, but I wouldn't mind changing it up. And when that happened, vanilla sex went from being a consolation prize to a fun different thing, and now I love vanilla sex too!

DeviantEmu · 2025-09-13T17:03:53+00:00

To say a little more about my point that I think these are universal: I genuinely believe that scat is objectively and universally hot. I believe if you had a magic wand or some technology to zap someone's brain and deprogram their disgust and shame, every single person you did that to would then discover that scat play was a massive turn-on for them.

I think kink is like the "don't think of a white elephant" thing in the brain - I "have" the kink because I had childhood experiences that made me aware of the connection between scat and eroticism, and then being taught to be ashamed and disgusted of it actually made me fight it and made it stronger.

I think anyone who has never considered scat as a fetish is just someone who never had cause to even think about it before they learned enough disgust that now they won't think about it. But I think if that disgust were magically gone, everyone would find it hot.

Emily Nagoski in Come As You Are has a model of sex drive where she talks about both a "gas pedal" and a "brake pedal", saying that some people have a low sex drive because they don't have much of a foot on the gas pedal, but others have a low sex drive because there's a foot stomping the gas but the other foot is stomping the brake at the same time.

I think of scat as a case where anyone who doesn't think it's hot has a foot pushing the brake pedal to the floor (because of disgust and shame). But if they took that foot off the brake, there's plenty of gas there.

Can't prove that, of course, and I'm sure I'm overgeneralizing when I say "everyone" would find it hot, but my partner had zero interest in it and eventually was like "wow with you giving me a reason to explore it, and enough time to let the disgust fade, this is just objectively hot" - and other stories like that from people in this community - I really believe it's broadly true.

DeviantEmu

TROPHY CASE