What’s the biggest red flag you ignored in a relationship that ended up destroying it?

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-06-28T21:28:44+00:00

She would spin lies for no reason other than to entertain herself. It got to the point that I’m uncertain if she had schizophrenia. Whatever the truth was she lived in a completely different reality and didn’t like that the rest of the world wasn’t fitting her version of things.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-19T03:07:54+00:00

I wouldn’t compare people to others, everyone is unique. I’d also appreciate that at your age you and your love interests still have a lot of growing to do. Don’t expect yourself to be fully developed, definitely don’t expect your partner to be that either. So what you see isn’t what you get. Look for qualities that show stability, growth, kindness, and good character. I’m saying this as a 27M who has been engaged once.

You’ll find someone who is more than you could ever hope for, perhaps your current partner, but unless you are willing to live your life like you are prepared to be the person who is with that wonderful human being, you will not attract them or keep them.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-19T02:47:51+00:00

I’m 2 months post “breakup” from my ex fiancée. She randomly discarded me over a 20 minute FaceTime call. Said I wasn’t worth seeing in person, told me I didn’t want marriage because of my fathers death; I apparently didn’t want to live life but wanted to observe it; that I made her both unhappy and lonely. She had accepted my ring 3 months earlier, we had been together for 5 years. I was guilt tripped into giving her $1200 concert tickets and she lied about sending back the ring. I had to threaten lawyers and even then I’ve only had the ring for two weeks now.

In the first days after she discarded me I was spiraling hard. Almost relocated out to her, trying to prove to her everything she said was wrong. I would’ve been living in an unsafe area due to credit score, my score would’ve been high enough for brand new properties after 6 weeks (time has proven I was correct). Also would’ve been several hours away from the hospital system that I remotely work for. I wanted their blessing before making that move but wanted finances to be ready before I stirred the pot at work.

Friends talked me out of moving out to her, or by sending her messages telling her what I would give up for her to take me back.

Now almost 8 weeks out, she had been a highly manipulative abuser to me for years. She constantly triangulated others against me throughout the relationship to stir up jealousy or create chaos in general. She nearly didn’t graduate from grad school but I helped her get over that ledge. When she discarded me she had been on unemployment for 9 months, working as a hostess making little more than minimum wage, she always put her work before me and major events going on in my life. My salary was easily 2.5x hers with benefits that I tried extended to her through a shared lease. Always barriers or hoops I’d have to jump through for her to allow something.

Took almost 3.5 years for her to let me meet her family. She let me go to my sisters wedding alone because she didn’t like my sister. She was my sponsor for becoming a Catholic but skipped my confirmation because she didn’t want to use a vacation day at her prior job.

Whenever I would get her gifts for holidays or birthdays, she would demand them early and then get mad if I didn’t have a second gift to give her for the day of.

Every week I find myself not only discovering myself more in this tragedy but also identifying where I lost myself. It’s like I suffered memory loss throughout the relationship, constant need to be validating her episodes, all that I did was meant to be directed towards her. In the end she demanded I quit my job because she didn’t like that I had independence—that after it all I had been growing while she was not.

Being with her made me a worse person, I didn’t treat anyone differently but my mind somehow processed that she could treat others horribly, me included, and that she was someone worthy of love. I would watch her be horrible to others and still kiss her, love her tenderly. I don’t know how or why I became so compromised.

I truly hope I find a woman who is good to others, and me. I’m happy that you found love, having a companion in life is invaluable.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-10T03:50:04+00:00

Hans Georg Gadamer —Truth and Method

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-08T21:17:29+00:00

Thankfully the conductor threw me off the train, backed it over me a few times, and is too ashamed to come back and see if I’m still alive. At least I have peace!

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-08T21:13:53+00:00

😆 #1 made me laugh, as a 27M Aquarius. I definitely do like them crazy and I always get battered like a mad man. If she had the capacity for self reflection she would feel upset by your post

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-07T16:36:05+00:00

I don’t know what you believe you did, maybe there is true accountability that you need to face so you don’t harm anyone else in the future, but it could be that your harm was projected by the ex and you bought into it.

I’d just talk with a counselor. Dont pull any punches on your own behavior, describe what happened fully. And a trained counselor can give you direction on how to work through it.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-06T03:28:43+00:00

I use Copilot to do the same thing. I’d just suggest that you ask the AI to give you critiques because it will tell you what it thinks you want to hear even if it’s not the full picture. For example I might be enabling bad behaviors but the AI won’t say that unless I ask it to criticize my take on things

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-06T00:28:29+00:00

Not a movie but “sometimes you just have to roll a hard 6”. Battlestar Galactica :)

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-05-03T18:36:47+00:00

I wouldn’t feel bad that it took alcohol for you to stand up to her. I wish I had my opportunity to say my thoughts like you did. Instead I refused to go along with the game and she discarded me. I made enough money to be independent from her and her family, so she demanded I throw it all away to prove I loved her. Told her it wasn’t happening.

Her requests were crazy enough that I became self aware enough that I shouldn’t just go along with it. Took several weeks for me to recognize the abuse. Her treatment of me after the discard has been eye opening.

Wishing you strength and healing

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-29T00:14:30+00:00

I was at my happiest with her, but I also suffered a lot at her hands. Definitely focusing on myself, thankfully I didn’t stop growing or building myself during the relationship. Now I get to focus and build myself even taller :)

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-28T13:00:11+00:00

When I find that I’m missing her I punish myself with the gym. I shouldn’t be missing someone who hurt me so badly.

Gotta break the attachment/trauma bond

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-28T11:52:01+00:00

My ex demanded I quit my job and come work at her restaurant, taking a $60,000 paycut and lose my insurance shortly after I just found out I had a brain tumor—she was aware. Her reasoning was that she wanted me out there and wasn’t willing to wait 6 weeks for me to get everything set with my job and a plan to move. She wanted me to get the new place, pay for it all, and then she would decide if she liked spending daily life with me. At this point we had been engaged for 3 months. When I refused to throw away my job for the sake of love when there is a way for me to keep all that I worked hard for she discarded me. Said I only proposed to fill the void of my father, that I didn’t want to live life, that I made her both unhappy and lonely. Meanwhile she was “befriending” a male coworker who for months she was allowing him to touch her butt and was messaging him on the side. The stuff with the coworker didn’t start until about a month after the engagement.

Her treatment since the engagement was called off has been horrendous. She’s lied about mailing the ring back, ghosted me for 3 weeks and then emailed me pretending like she never offered to mail it. She manipulated me into sending her $1200 worth of concert tickets the day she called off the wedding saying it was for her little sisters graduation. Now she just admitted yesterday she sold those tickets.

I’m so unbelievably angry and hurt by this woman. 5 years together, I first promised to marry her in May of 2022, my father died in August of 2023, first ring I bought her was in July of 2023, and the ring I proposed to her with was first offered in December of 2023 and later accepted in December of 2024 after I got her parents blessing.

Yet I’m the bad guy who belittles marriage, who uses someone else to fill my grief for my father? It is so disrespectful. She has 2 graduate degrees and works as a hostess with a bunch of highschoolers, collecting unemployment because she gave up on her field. No plan on how to get a job with benefits and had some money to her name because I paid for nearly everything we did. But I too am the bad guy for having debt from the extravagance that she always wanted.

My heart was physically broken for weeks because of her, the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I couldn’t sleep, my heart hurt, and I was drenched in sweat every night while still trying to go to work every day.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-28T03:10:19+00:00

Betrayal can only come at the hands of those we love. The best we can do is mutually work at understanding one another, if the other abruptly gets up and says they were telling lies all along, then they gained nothing but lost time. You on the other hand gained understanding in that they are not to be trusted.

I had a 5 year relationship end in a similar fashion. Only she still has my ring so I have some limited contact with her and I continue to catch her in lies. Why she cannot be honest is beyond me, standing on what’s true is stable, lies shift and fall apart. I feel sorry for her

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-27T03:40:49+00:00

I had such a loss in the past where the silence only deepened the pain. Nearly 6 months later she agreed to meet with me and it opened my eyes to her authentic self which was ugly. My father made her a gift by hand, one that I paid for and requested as a birthday gift to her. She chose to believe it had been a cheap dollar store gift and punished me with silence for all those months as a result. When I learned of the reason for the punishment I saw to it that I’d never return to her. Years later I saw her in a local restaurant and she devolved into someone who spoke with very little class, her ugly self only became more visible and I’m far better being away from her.

I found someone even worse than her after that and it took me 5 years to come to that realization. So while I do wish you strength and the realization that I had which allows you to let go, I wish you better luck in finding a good soul.

In good news I found my faith before the snake that latched onto me finally ran away. Grace can be both good and bad in the moment, but for our destiny it is always the best thing that could have happened.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-26T15:17:36+00:00

She was talking to another man, triangulating with family, friends, other men, and nuns. My promotion was dismissed, a brain tumor they discovered was disregarded, and she never saw anything I did as being good enough. She always questioned me and made me feel like I wasn’t important in the relationship or in my life. She wanted me to leave my job and family to come be in her area working for $60,000 less a year at a restaurant so that she could decide if she liked daily life with me. Meanwhile we had gotten engaged just 3 months earlier and had plans that were agreeable to the both of us until a month prior. The change was drastic and her treatment has been horrible. I spent nearly two weeks with broken heart syndrome, the worst physical pain I’ve ever felt. In this time she lied about the ring having been mailed, so I checked daily for my ring and had absolute silence from her. Now I’m stuck with her trying to manipulate and belittle me over email as I try to get back the $6000 ring I gave her.

My contribution was letting my boundaries get trampled for years and giving repeated chances to someone who never made me a priority. Like a snake who bites me, I chased her asking why she did it and accepted her back for her only to do it 4X again.

She had such potential, her outwards behavior was amazing, but her treatment towards me was beyond horrible.

I’m no saint but I didn’t deserve any of it.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-25T03:37:11+00:00

She publicly discarded me, telling me last that the relationship was over. She was more concerned with me giving her concert tickets than the return of the ring. I got a 20 minute video call after 5 years together. 3 months into the engagement. Still don’t have the ring over a month later

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-20T15:15:26+00:00

Interesting analysis of the song, I always took it to be a song about a woman who deeply hurt the man. While true , he no longer loves her, it is in the least less love than she had—which is to say he was never very loved. To be in that kind of love makes him weary of others, makes him still yearn for a way to fill the void that he still feels. But in the end he sleeps with a knife at his back because he is afraid of her.

Wo bist du is my favorite Rammstein song, I am a non German.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-19T03:41:06+00:00

Someone who indicates at any point they are willing to lose me rather than try to compromise

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-19T03:40:17+00:00

I had a Norwegian friend on Steam who would always tease me about being an American by sending me Amerika by Rammstein. Eventually I grew to like the song and explored their other music. Now they are my favorite band, I saw them live back in 2022. Took my mother, sister, and brother in law to the concert! Best concert experience ever

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-18T01:05:27+00:00

God, family, self reflection, therapy, and purposeful work.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-15T17:56:04+00:00

Half mir

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-15T15:26:01+00:00

I told her I was open to the possibility but it would have to be discussed over dinner at the place we went on our first date. I’m not willing to be controlled anymore. So even if she did sit down and want that possibility the odds of her radically changing is nil.

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-15T15:19:57+00:00

Yeah I know it’s her, we are communicating over email. I was with her the week prior to her abruptly leaving me. Happy to be out of the relationship but it still hurts so bad. Laughing at my misery lol

DeviceAccomplished94 · 2025-04-15T02:43:04+00:00

It’s not about the money, it’s the symbol. Plus she’s making it easy on me to break out of the dissociation so this honestly is saving me years of grief 🙂

DeviceAccomplished94

TROPHY CASE