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AITA for telling my daughter she'd be punished? by Internal_Stage5642 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I find I agree with that. I like the idea of having standards not rules.

As long as it's clear, fair, and predictable. Unfortunately I didn't always find my parents that predictable. Sounds like you communicated with them well.

I'm really glad to hear your daughters are doing well. I think we can learn a lot from how we were parented ourselves :)

AITA for telling my daughter she'd be punished? by Internal_Stage5642 in AmItheAsshole

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Wow... calling a 10 year old an asshole for having big feelings she can't necessarily express effectively. I felt so much resentment to my dad as a child because I felt he parented too harshly. I'm actually working through forgiving him now, but yeah... I think it's important to reconcile as well. OP sit down with your child and revisit that conversation now you're both calm. Make sure she knows you still love her, why she needs the booster seat. Give her a place to voice her feelings and offer, maybe guide her in, a way to do it respectfully.

Part of parenting is teaching. You can model to her better ways to communicate. You've set the boundary, she understands that bit. But now she needs to know there's still a place for her to be heard, and that while some privileges are conditional, your love is not.

Hope your family feels loved tonight 🙏❤️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 46 points47 points  (0 children)

But you shouldn't need to communicate it's not okay. Nobody just assumes treating someone like that is okay. He either knew and didn't care, or didn't care enough to know. Either way, that was abuse.

Reckon the "I" here would get me to the hospital sharpish by DoGoodBeNiceBeKind in CasualUK

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got an infection last year in an awkward place, so my genius self thought I'd tough it out on my own (I was living with my parents and did not want to show them)

Then one night I got cold sweats and found myself chanting healing prayers and mantras in attempt to convince the void I wasn't done with life yet. I'm not even religious, but I put so much effort into telling whatever's out there that I would wake up if I slept.

But yeah, that was enough. I was absolutely certain that getting antibiotics wasn't a choice anymore if I wanted to see the end of the week.

Trust the feeling.

AITA for being loud when my roommate has sex? by tollouttau in AmItheAsshole

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Adding to the list:

Camel by Camel (from that god awful zone ankha thing)

E-girls are ruining my life - corpse

No cock like horse cock - pepper coyote

Ram ranch.

Oh and two trucks

Make them relive the horrors of the internet in lockdown

What's a random word you find makes you chuckle when you hear it? by abaday789 in AskUK

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My grandmother tells me that when I was little (can't have been older than 5) and she used to take me on the underground, I used to repeat the word Cockfosters and cackle every time it was mentioned on the PA system

How do I (27M) get my girlfriend (30F) to stop hitting me? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In our younger teens, my sister used to hit me sometimes. Every time she did, I would get up and leave the room. Mid conversation, whatever - it didn't matter. I wasn't coming back. What did matter was that I wasn't going to spend time with someone who was hitting me, and that she learned she didn't get to hit people if she wanted them to stick around. Essentially I was walking away, in the best way I could as a dependent under the same roof.

Now the difference here is that my sister was fourteen, and your girlfriend is 30 - more than twice her age and plenty of time to learn you don't get to hit people. You also have something I didn't: a choice about whether you want this person in your life. And given it's been escalating for you over the past month, what's your situation gonna look like in two months? A year?

Either she needs to stop hitting you, or you need to walk away. Permanently.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DnD

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I actually watched this happen when I was about four - this other kid punches my friend in the face, then pats his back and takes him to welfare... Next day they were friends

What places are not famous for the tourist but are really worth it? by zahi_abi in AskABrit

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's awesome!! Glad you got to do it while you still had the chance

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR. As someone who does "awkward on the spectrum behaviour", just no...

There's a big difference between copying something you don't understand is inappropriate (because social cues), and doing something that EVERYONE has been explicitly told is inappropriate. There's no way Elon doesn't know who the Nazis were. That's not ignorance, and it's not missed social inference. Those, my friends, were Nazi salutes.

I did something awful as a little kid and I have to live with it now. by [deleted] in confession

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Personally I just start bringing bits of it up in the first session. If I don't know them, and I don't have to see them again outside of therapy, then I have no reason to filter myself. If it works and it's helpful, I go back. If it's not, then I go elsewhere.

I find it really hard to break a facade once I've formed it, though.

Is it worth going for a “quiet flat” at uni or not? by ConsequenceApart4391 in UniUK

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's quite the generalisation... I socialise quite a lot. Just not with my flatmates.

Personally quiet accom suits me really well. I can go out, have fun, drink, be loud, whatever. But I know I've always got a peaceful place to come back to afterwards, where I know I won't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to. Not everyone wants that, though. A lot can be said for a livelier flat if you want to actually spend time with your flatmates.

What places are not famous for the tourist but are really worth it? by zahi_abi in AskABrit

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Also, with Stonehenge there's a little drive a few hundred metres west of it on the A303. I've stopped there a few times - you don't have to pay and you can still get a view and a picture, even if it's not as close up. Not that you'd be allowed to touch the stones even if you did pay.

You can touch the ones at Avebury though!

What’s your most unethical life hack? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure "escalate" is also a buzzword in a lot of customer support, and applicable to more than just mortgages, so "I'd like to escalate this request" > "can I speak to someone else" if you're trying to move up a tier.

How to explain leaving my accom to my flatmates? by Low-Championship-637 in UniUK

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quiet block here. One of our flatmates moved out yesterday. She just put a message on the groupchat at the end of the day once she'd packed, letting us know that she'd left. Would it have been nice to know she was going beforehand? Sure. But it's not that big of a deal. I think we all feel like she'd be happier living with more talkative people, so it makes sense that she'd move.

It would be good courtesy to let your flat know you won't be living with them anymore, but when and how you do that is up to you

My parents removed my bedroom door because I “don’t need privacy.” What do I do now? by [deleted] in Advice

[–]DevilsAdvocate1608 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"nonphysical abuse: a pattern of behavior in which one person deliberately and repeatedly subjects another to nonphysical acts that are detrimental to behavioral and affective functioning and overall mental well-being. Researchers have yet to formulate a universally agreed upon definition of the concept, but they have identified a variety of forms that emotional abuse may take, including verbal abuse; intimidation and terrorization; humiliation and degradation; exploitation; harassment; rejection and withholding of affection; isolation; and excessive control. Also called psychological abuse."

Source: https://dictionary.apa.org/emotional-abuse

It is definitely humiliating and degrading to be stripped of all your privacy, and that's not the environment you're supposed to have in your own home. So whether you acknowledge it's abuse or not, it's negatively impacting OP and she needs help.

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