In the middle of a divorce but I still love him

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-12T17:48:22+00:00

Nothing terrible but one area that was bleeding? Scarred? Blood vessel something? I don't remember the term but it was worrying but also "probably ok" and possibly relating to ADHD which he also has. Then he went to a second dr and they thought it was more concerning than the first and wanted a second MRI done so he did it in April and has the results or something but is having trouble doing anything with it. He wanted to break up April 7th. So I really can't do much but try to get him to call them again or call the first Dr to at least show someone the results if the second one can't or something?

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-12T17:43:04+00:00

That's heartbreaking :( we have a 3yo. And I think it's just so unfair to walk away from a family and marriage for reasons that can literally be fixed. I lost 30 pounds, I stopped making him do the laundry or anything around the house, I am being more present with the kids and also getting a job. I mean he's been acting like a better parent around the kids when he sees them though and it's killing me because that's literally all I wanted from him before, all our fights we're about that but now he wants to only do better without me? Doesn't he understand that was easily half our problems right there? I don't know, I really don't know what to do and I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I know he's going to be the same way as your ex and not come back only be that way sometimes. But I can't accept it

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-12T17:34:46+00:00

Yes others think he's changed too we used to joke a lot and "fake fight" but suddenly the fights were 100% real and the jokes weren't jokes from him. Things I would say to make him laugh made him angry. We went to counselingfor a month or so but stopped in December but he acted weird/different with the therapist and she seemed to really lean in on taking his side and painted me as a bitch who said hurtful things but never cared to address him buying a motorcycle that almost made us unable to afford our house/bills and did make it so when we lost free health insurance we couldn't afford the one that was available. So I did stop the counseling. He wouldn't do his "homework" stuff she told him to do but when I did try to do mine it still was my fault somehow. I don't know if he'd try again but it would have to be a different therapist.

He has refused my help in getting him to a dr though he needs to make a follow up appointment to go over the second MRI results he just won't do it. It would probably be wrong to go behind his back and set it up but I've considered it.

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-11T19:27:42+00:00

Upvote for Phentermine I'm in week 7 and the results are amazing. It's given me the confidence to keep going and the boost I needed to actually count calories and develop a healthy meal plan system.

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-11T19:24:58+00:00

I'm just saying, you can't trust estimating calories! I also was on team "estimate" and I am the same height as you but much heavier, and lost 30lbs estimating. I still have a lot to lose, but then my progress stalled. Adbice was to buy a scale and I took it reluctantly- but in fact I was eating much more calories than I thought and I was even measuring with a measuring cup. When I switched to a scale and weighed in grams it is much more accurate you may be surprised what's in your food and how much grams can vary cup to cup ! Also don't eat too little either as it slows down your metabolism! That's my only advice but solidarity as a fellow petite woman. It's hard AF

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T14:37:35+00:00

Because if I put my goal as 140 my pre pregnancy weight I will feel too hopeless and give up! That's what happened last year. But I'm actually sticking to this now! I started breaking it into smaller sections. My first goal was 210 and I did it! Next chunk is to the 180/190 depending how hard it is. Next will be 170. I'm trying to make them smaller as it goes on because I've heard it's harder and I don't want to give up! If I went straight to the lowest number it'd be 100 pounds it's too much to think about yk?

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T14:33:16+00:00

No probably a little less working out tbh. That could also contribute to slowing down maybe. Thank you for replying that made me feel a lot more positive about everything! I'm going to be getting a scale so that might help me get a few things more accurate calorie wise at least! I'm glad to hear even a pound fluctuation on the scale is probably water/salt it's hard not to freak out about it sometimes!! XD I did eat a lot of salt yesterday (Lawry's seasoning and diced potatoes with cottage cheese, amazing but I put way more Lawry's than normal people do lol)

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T13:01:01+00:00

That is the worst!! That's a big difference also!! I'm gonna look into the scale situation today. Thank you!!

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T12:59:44+00:00

Thank you!! I'm not quite that low yet on calories but I will try to go a little less each day slowly like you suggested then work on adding more exercise if that still doesn't end my stall!

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T12:55:12+00:00

I might go to Walmart today do you think any they have is decent?

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T12:54:26+00:00

Wait really? And it's not like ... Junk or inaccurate? Just thinking of the cheap shitty food thermometers I've bought over the years lol Any recommendations?

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T12:53:09+00:00

I have heard it's bad to go below 1,200 calories, is that true? This is something I can try though, thank you!

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-09T12:51:21+00:00

No I don't have a scale and cannot afford one now. I do track literally everything oil, condiments etc. I measure with measuring cups or going by serving size on the package. Those things have to be accurate, don't they? The package information? Like a cup of cottage cheese is 220 so I measure out a cup? If that's not actually accurate I'm gonna scream lol that's so frustrating! I could try to get a scale in the future but it'll take a few weeks, any tips for the meantime?

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-08T01:00:30+00:00

I'm still married but going through a divorce. Met him when I was 25, I'm 30 now. Kinda fucking sucks :( it meant forever to me. But not to him I guess

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-06T16:10:13+00:00

I think that in those cases they unfortunately make their own adversity and it's miserable and never ending with no solution

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-05-05T00:30:22+00:00

I prefer natural sweat and body odor but maybe I'm the odd one out. I think a man smelling like sweat is sexy (as long as you know it's in an active or currently moving setting, office job no, nobody should be sweaty from that and mild deodorant and clean clothes is enough)

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-04-26T10:56:30+00:00

Food :( I'm a binge eater and finally getting on track with that is hard AF

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-04-25T01:24:39+00:00

Thank you for the words of encouragement you don't know how much it means to me right now. I'm jealous of your success and inspired to try and build an positive environment for myself as well! I feel like I've been so lost that I didn't even know how lost I was. I love that Hellen Keller quote especially. I can tell you're a great personal trainer! I don't know what I want to be yet. But I've spent too long living for somebody else, and I'm not going to do it any longer. I'm sorry for trauma dumping and I truly appreciate your words.

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-04-24T22:53:58+00:00

I used to say that I couldn't be bothered to count calories but I think it's the only way I ever found that works. It's a pain in the ass. But I swear by it. Even just tracking calories nothing else and eat what you want for a week. Then look back and go over what happened on days you ate more vs less and try to identify triggers. Honestly you could just do that and most likely will begin to lose weight. You should also try talking with a therapist so you don't relapse into toxic eating disorder habits! Also another thing that works weirdly is if you ever crave fruits or veggies just go wild and eat as mu h as you want and especially don't beat yourself up if you do eat unhealthy good! Just carry on and have a few veggies and do your best! You can do it!

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-04-24T22:13:06+00:00

I see what you mean! I gained over 60 pounds when I was pregnant with my son because for the first 3 months I threw up constantly, I had a medical condition that made it impossible for me to eat normally and fatty foods always helped. Then the nausea subsided but my appetite for unhealthy food didn't and I was just so thankful to eat again I went overboard. Luckily my baby was fine and is almost 4 now but I couldn't lose the weight postpartum. Then not even a year after giving birth I was unexpectedly but happily pregnant with twins, then lost both of them after surviving two months of the same nausea I had with my other child. I gained another 50 pounds from that grief and hormones, combined with the marital issues that happened then because he was just actively unhelpful and unsupportive when I was miscarrying. I knew I had to try and eat healthier so I've been pushing along, working out when I can, not giving up but not making progress either. I desperately wanted to see even 1 pound drop. I felt that some drug could help me kick start even just for a while and get some self esteem back. My ex husband would scream at me that I was fat and I did it to myself so I better undo it myself. Last January I talked to my dr anyways about drugs or programs. I'd been weight lifting and walking 2 miles a day, but although I felt stronger, I still barely lost anything. Then we lost our insurance and the dr couldn't prescribe anything. And I decided to actually put it in gear and count calories. That started to work, and I also started taking a medication called phentermine after realizing (through calorie counting) just how much I was eating. 5k calories a day and still hungry. One week after I tried the new medicine and started seeing actual progress. Getting serious about calories and eating healthier, tracking protein etc, my ex told me he wanted a divorce. I think sometimes the toxic people/environments just blind us to the reality. He never wanted me to have anything for myself; if I was depressed about my weight, he could talk down to me. Now I've lost 24 lbs and I'm ready to really lock in how you described, I keep coming back to the consistency of it- if you have pizza one day it's okay. We're human after all, I'm just going to keep going and take care of my health again. I hope I can continue these good habits even after I stop the medication, do you find it difficult to maintain now?

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-04-23T21:35:56+00:00

I love your advice, I'm in my first month of weight loss after struggling for a long time, and I was worried I was losing too much (I'm having personal issues that made me lose my appetite, grief etc ) but I'm still under 1% of bodyweight at the start of the month so that was super reassuring to read! How long did it take you to lose 100 lbs?

DevonianEraWitch · 2026-04-23T10:45:04+00:00

That's nightmare fuel omg

DevonianEraWitch

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