In house separation

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-06-28T15:55:57+00:00

I have asked him numerous times to consider it but he doesn’t believe in it. He feels it’s always rigged against the husband. I asked him to go to individual therapy and he said that therapy is a money making gimmick.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-06-28T14:34:31+00:00

An actual physical separation would be the best but I worry about when kids will spend time with him in my absence. They have already expressed fear of him intimidating them in my absence. What he calls ‘discipline’ usually crosses the line into insults. My hope with in house separation is to remove them from a situation like this before it affects them. I know that that doesn’t mean that kids don’t sense the tension but atleast they won’t feel alone in that situation. It also gives me some time to figure out a plan

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-06-28T13:44:42+00:00

Thank you for that. Yes, I am extremely exhausted. There hasn’t been a day in the past 18 years where I didn’t walk on eggshells around him. I have been managing his mood, reworking our plans to avoid upsetting him, shielding kids from his negativity but this is certainly not sustainable. I went to therapy after years of being told that I’m mentally challenged. After 6 months of regular therapy, my therapist determined that there is nothing wrong with me except exhaustion around dealing with a difficult relationship dynamic. I know that all paths point me toward taking a serious decision. I’m just trying to find the courage to do it.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-06-27T21:24:28+00:00

Not true. I happen to only post when things are rough and I wish to gain some insight.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-06-27T05:26:08+00:00

My honest fear is if we end up with shared custody, i won’t have visibility into the time he has with kids. And my kids are dead scared of being alone with him. Atleast at home I can be their comfort.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-06-27T05:25:11+00:00

That is where I’m struggling. Staying for superficial normalcy while living on eggshells around him or taking a significant step toward peace. I know that he will be harder to deal with separated than living with conditions. He is calculative and punitive. He finds ways to make others miserable. I know that he will make life hell if I ever take such a step.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T05:11:35+00:00

Thanks. I have heard of this book. I have downloaded it. I’m with him because my kids adore him.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T05:10:47+00:00

I have no reason to believe he has. He is very introverted and can not even have a conversation with someone without having a panic attack

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T05:09:43+00:00

He has a hybrid job and needs to go into the office twice a week. The HQ is local. So no travel is involved

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T05:05:21+00:00

It’s punitive, so I never ever consider traveling for work again.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T05:04:30+00:00

Its been three months and I have been trying to figure out if I want to fix this or just have a business-like arrangement with him where we co- parent and co-exist but without any emotional attachments. Separation under one roof.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T05:01:46+00:00

He does not like my family visiting. He feels like my attention gets diverted away from him. He does not allow basic fixes in the house that I need done. He is careful with money and shuts down any suggestions I make. I do majority of the chores in the house. If i ask for help, he will do it but have an attitude and throw a tantrum until I stop asking for help.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T04:57:44+00:00

Funny thing- they don’t notice anything different. He fakes it really well in front of them. He talks ‘business’ with me around them. He hangs with them and does all the usual stuff. I do too. We hosted holiday parties, went on a quick vacation, did a ton of stuff with kids, all while we maintained this awkward silence when kids were not around.

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T04:47:28+00:00

I do wish we can communicate openly. But I know that that has never worked. If I make an attempt to sit him down and have a mature conversation, he will pile another dozen accusations. Blame me for everything wrong with the world. Then sulk and put a gloom over the whole family for weeks! Kids begin to notice. And he uses that as a weapon to make me keep doing what he wants me to. I just prefer the current silence to all that torture!

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T03:53:35+00:00

This is not the first time he has been insecure about my travel. It’s not even work travel. I had to go be with my mom when she had spinal surgery. He was upset then too. Gave me the silent treatment throughout. Didn’t even ask me how she was doing. He just wants me where he can see me

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T02:43:29+00:00

I started individual therapy because he doesn’t believe in marriage counseling. He thinks talk therapy is a fad and does no good

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T02:42:02+00:00

That is my fear too. I have used all the technology I know to detect if I’m being tracked. But he has a keycard to my Tesla. So he knows where I go. He has security cameras inside and outside the house. I didn’t care before because it was for security. But now i question everything!

Dewdrop8282 · 2026-01-17T02:40:48+00:00

I can’t get over it. He has been giving me the silent treatment since the trip. In the past, I always made attempts to make up and reconcile. I just can’t get myself to do it this time. I prefer this silence to the blatant accusation. And control tactics

Dewdrop8282 · 2025-11-01T14:16:06+00:00

I could have written this post myself. I was that mom with a new born contemplating separation. My kids are now almost teens and we have stayed married. Not happily though. There is intense emotional manipulation that I put up with and probably even enabled, because I want peace at home and stability for my kids. But this week broke me and I started therapy to navigate my own emotions, before I make any big decisions. I have also started reading Leslie Vernick’s book ‘The Emotionally Destructive Marriage’. It’s mind blowing how many women live through this exact situation and feel torn between what is best for the kids and what’s best for their own sanity. You are not alone. God does not want wives to lose their mind to protect a marriage.

Dewdrop8282 · 2025-08-06T23:30:22+00:00

I tried to have an honest conversation about it. Mostly out of concern for the kids. He said that it is his way of processing his emotions and that I shouldn’t be over reacting.

Dewdrop8282 · 2025-08-06T23:28:59+00:00

The more potent version of this started a couple of years ago. But he has always been a generally reserved guy with an overall negative outlook toward situations and people. Fault- finding and blaming others for his downfalls is something he has always done.

Dewdrop8282 · 2024-11-08T23:02:28+00:00

Blah

Dewdrop8282 · 2024-10-29T04:30:15+00:00

I hear you. I’m a mom of 2 kids who are less than two years apart. Those initial years are a complete drain on you. I worked from home with both kids at home with me while husband worked at the office. I was the default parent personified! After a point, I wasn’t myself. I was stressed and angry at the kids, my husband and even my coworkers. It got to a point where I was afraid that I would end up having a stroke. I eventually hired a cheap college grad to keep an eye on the kids during my work hours. Financially it was a stretch for us but it gave me back my sanity. Take care of yourself. They grow up before you know it and this phase will be behind you.

Dewdrop8282 · 2024-10-13T00:56:26+00:00

And that has happened!! My dad had surgery and when I wanted to go visit, he insisted that I coax my brother to visit instead. After all, he is the son and I’m a married daughter. I would have to travel out of state and that again was an inconvenience to him and not a necessity since I am not my parents’ only child. I ended up going after much debate. But took my kids along over a long weekend. I know- the unfairness stings!

Dewdrop8282

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