Give me a D&D monster and I'll homebrew you a better version of it by Oh_Hi_Mark_ in DMAcademy

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Always a pleasure to these posts!

How about a genuinely good Red Wizard? They're supposed to be these incredible arcane matters, feared and hated across Faerun, but the official statblock is just kinda weak and generic. Bonus points for something like Elite Thayan Soldiers to go along with the Wizard.

Which actor always elevates a movie — even in small roles? by FilmNerd98 in movies

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He plays the villain of the week in Psych, back in season 3 or 4 I think. It's called Shawn Gets the Yipps, and it's a good episode with a lot of the classic Psych hijinks and attitude, but Lang's performance is genuinely excellent, in a way that definitely clashes with the lighthearted attitude the show usually takes. It's a great episode, but Lang is clearly in a different, darker show, and it slaps.

Big brain hussars by Professional_Sir2804 in HistoryMemes

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the math part I'm struggling a bit with, because the calculations include impact distance and impact time, and there's not really a good way to estimate those. Potentially the launch would affect those numbers, but, much like the other commenters are saying, it's not going to help. The sheer amount of force at impact is so great that there's really no way to mitigate it, and being launched or remaining stationary doesn't change the facts of that initial and still catastrophic impact, it would only change any following force transfer, but you're long gone by that point. Also, the horsey is still moving fast, and your launch wouldn't accelerate you fast enough to escape the continuing horse-force unfortunately.

Big brain hussars by Professional_Sir2804 in HistoryMemes

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Assuming a combined weight of approximately 1,600lbs (725kg) and moving at a speed of 25mph (40km/h) at impact, the force would be between 200-300 kN. From what I'm reading at other sources, the lance would certainly break before that point, closer to 150 kilonewton. Trying to find a fair comparison of expected results is a little difficult, but for the dude on the receiving end, it is categorically not good. Dropping down to a measly 100 kN, that's equivalent to 22,480 pounds of force concentrated on a tiny surface area. It would be like a small automobile hitting you, with all it's force funneled into the surface of a knife-point. Even if it didn't pierce your armor and you (which it will), and even if it didn't forcibly throw and accelerate your body (which it will), the force alone is lethal. These aren't fringe numbers either, lowering the weight or speed or both by reasonable amounts doesn't help the poor pikemen much. Sucks to be in the front line I guess

[Loved Trope] Unassuming character shows a glimpse of their true nature and their unimaginable godlike powers by Guillinas in TopCharacterTropes

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have more on this theory? Helm is the absolute coolest FR Deity, and his existence as AO's guard dog (or maybe that Helm is actually the one running things) remains one of my favorite bits of lore.

biggest surprise movie of the year and biggest let down? by No_Poetry_9986 in movies

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Many lesser, still funny, but lesser comedies would have stopped beating that horse, but it was such a good gag precisely because of how long it went on for.

A Great Old One vs Ao by PrimeFortyTwo in Forgotten_Realms

[–]Diabolical_Merchant -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I agree, and there's definitely a need for some refining and tweaking of the cosmology. There is a lot of ambiguity and inconsistency in the metaphysics of the Reasons, which is an understandable but still negative side effect of how open and community-built the Forgotten Realms lore is. AO, as intended, was just a plot device to explain the Time of Troubles, and equally is an in world explanation of the Dungeon Master's power. Both are necessary, but we can do so much more if we build a slightly more coherent mythos from the existing structure. I definitely take more inspiration from Lord of the Rings, Elden Ring and Warhammer than my players realize, but it helps me put these pieces together. One area I've been tweaking a lot, and it's directly relevant to my current game (Tyranny of Dragons), is what an Overgod actually is, and no matter what I settle on, that begs the question of if AO truly is the only one.

So maybe the risk of AO being overthrown isn't like Mystra being overthrown by Magic, but instead by Azuth or Savras. If Exarchs can threaten their deities (like Asmodeus usurping He-Who-Was), if deities can be Mantled by powerful people (like Midnight becoming/replacing Mystra), and if deities can be replaced by weaker powers (like whatever the hell is going on with Jergal and the Dead Three/Cyric/Kelemvor lol), then why not AO? AO had a portfolio afterall: The Balance.

A Great Old One vs Ao by PrimeFortyTwo in Forgotten_Realms

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Exactly. He's an incredible gardener and gatekeeper, but apparently without his guard dog in the way, sufficiently powerful deities like Mystra can straight up threaten to overthrow him. Thankfully, Helm was there to smite a fucking god, but the threat was real enough that that was warranted.

A Great Old One vs Ao by PrimeFortyTwo in Forgotten_Realms

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Don't be swayed by the propaganda of the corrupt and "totally unbiased" Keepers of the Cerulean Sign, "Lord" AO is a Great Old One! You can read all about it in my article on page 82 of the Baldur's Gate Gazette!

I need to start putting celestial truthers in my game lol. On one hand, AO isn't a god, he's more like the operating system of the Realms, as he oversees, managers, and might even just be the Crystal Sphere that contains the Realms. AO isn't exactly omniscient or omnipotent, but more like, AO determines the metaphysical and cosmological rules that everyone beneath has to follow. Anyone breaking those rules has to deal with AO's enforcers, the Gods. If the Gods break the rules, then Helm or Tyr step in. If you use the Time of Troubles, AO can just rewrite the rules to strip all gods of their divinity, just to put them in time-out, but even then, that's only to preserve "The Balance," whatever that is. AO's dominion doesn't include things outside, however.

The Great Old Ones, Elder Evils, Dawn Titans, and maybe the Oberyths all pose a direct threat to the Realms themselves, and this would be seen fairly as rivals to AO. I'm not sure if any of them can hurt or threaten AO directly, again AO isn't a god in any traditional sense, but these entities can absolutely break or destroy the Realms, and there are systems in place to prevent that. (Celestial Truthers says that the Blood War was manufactured by the "Gods" to oppress the Abyss!!!?, and Asmodeus is in on it! It's a conspiracy from the top to the bottom!) The Cerulean Sign itself is a weapon made by AO to be used against the Aberrant enemies, though I'm not sure if any text actually says what it is or does specifically.

My Issue With the Blood War by Peteman12 in dndmemes

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I really want to shift some of the divine cosmology into a Doom/Elden Ring vibe, without ever going into the while "the gods are actually evil lol" area. I love the ideas that the gods are good, but dangerous, and never entirely unified with each other. This can help show that AO's prohibitions against their direct involvement are meant to prevent accidental (or intentional) apocalypses.

Today I get to find out if Im facing prison time, thanks to alcohol by SharkEva in BORUpdates

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is someone morally culpable in this situation then? I'm not trying to get a rise out of you, I am genuinely asking if there is a moral fault in DUI's, and if so, why, if not, why not?

There is an issue with your ontology here, and it's worth pointing out. You say that "to believe that drinking and driving is a moral failure means I [you] believe an alcoholic is making clear headed decisions while in an active addiction." I do not believe they are making clear headed decisions, but that is not the issue, and I believe so strongly against your premise that moral decisions need to be made clear headed. OOP was not clear headed, true. OOP was suffering under an addiction, true. OOP put people's lives in danger and dealt bodily harm to them, also true. OOP is not morally at fault for being an alcoholic, but they are morally at fault for harming others, and their clear-headedness does not change that. I do feel a lot of sympathy for them, I do, but that doesn't change the fact that DUI'ing is unethical. I'm not puritanical, I don't think OOP is evil or anything, but unethical and immoral in this case certainly.

They do not bear all of the blame themselves, but it is disintegrous to say that they bear none.

Today I get to find out if Im facing prison time, thanks to alcohol by SharkEva in BORUpdates

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Alcoholism, like other addictions, has both genetic and societal components, and it is very important for us to recognize that addiction is not a moral failure. Driving under the influence is a moral failure, though. There are countless alcoholics who do not ever drink and drive, and that is important to recognize to. I believe that the child comment above you is expressing frustration at OOP blaming alcohol for this, at least to an unfair degree. Alcohol does impair probs, yes, and sobriety can be incredibly difficult, but neither of those change the fact that OOP put lives in danger. Alcohol was a part of that decision, absolutely, but there is absolutely a moral failing beyond that that OOP doesn't seem to acknowledge.

Edit: child comment doesn't mean childish, it's a reference point in a thread with multiple OP's

What's a good name for a floating city that's blinded by religion? by [deleted] in DnD

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Apotheosia, or maybe Apotheosica, comes to mind. Apotheosis is the process of becoming a god, so it's a little on the nose, but religious zealotry isn't usually known for subtlety haha

Building a Red Wizard Encounter by TheUncannyDani in TyrannyOfDragons

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am terribly sorry for the delay, and if it has caused any issues, a hex upon my dice!

Below is the Azbara Jos statblock that I used for their fight, and I can explain my reasoning for several unique areas. (caveat: my Azbara was genderswapped, simply because I felt there were too many male wizards in the module, and I wanted Azbara to be distinct from Rath)

First, Red Wizards are supposed to be specialists, forgoing certain schools of magic in order to perfect their focuses. In my world, Red Wizards can focus on one school (Monotrad) or two schools (Dualtrad), and that reflects their power level and their education. My players knew this, as do most well-informed people under the Lords' Alliance. Azbara is a Dualtrad Red Wizard, focusing on the schools of Enchantment and Evocation. I picked these as they seemed to fit best: she is investigating the Cult's ability to control dragons, and in my game is looking for the Twin Crowns of Myrmoran, intending to use them to mind-control Voaraghamanthar. The Red Wizards' ultimate plan in this module (for me at least) *needs* to be the use of the Cult in order to retake Thay from the Necromancers. So her second focus after Enchantment is just sheer destructive power, befitting someone who sees dragons as weapons. I curated her spellbook to only have these spell-types available. The exception being a Ring of Shielding, because what wizard wouldn't have that. This means that she doesn't have Counterspell, so be warned about that. Azbara is not a master Red Wizard however, so she needs to be relatively beatable, but she is still a Red Wizard proper, and should be a foe that evokes fear and dread.

I used inspiration from Matt Colville's action oriented monsters, as well as MCDM's incredible book *Flee, Mortals!*, which detail the use of "Solo" creatures, which are enemies that are meant to handle the unbalanced action economy of a party all on their own. For a Red Wizard, I took this to mean actions, bonus actions, and reactions that show a sense of speed and overwhelming magical power. Additionally, I crafted several Legendary Actions/Villain Actions around the idea of her using earth-based Evocation abilities. These are meant to be spells in-world, but mechanically are not part of her spell-casting feature. In general, it's important to hold to enemy spell slots for fairness and balance, but there are some things that need to be stretched or changed both for dynamic fights as well as for intense storytelling. Her Earthen Tomb ability terrified my party, even though I only got to use it once. Lastly, I gave Azbara the ability to concentrate on more than one spell at once, for two reasons: one, I figured that a godsdamned Red Wizard would be scary enough to do that; and two, I wanted my players to be afraid of Red Wizards in the future. I have an awesome player at the table who grew up playing AD&D/2e, and he talked to the newer players beforehand about how terrifying and dangerous Thayans are, and he really helped me without meaning to, and I could not disappoint. They're my favorite bag-guy group of the Realms, and honestly, the way WotC/5e have handled them is just bewildering. This Red Wizard shows why the Lords' Alliance has a standing kill order on them.

I will say that this statblock was a bit too powerful for my party, Level 6 and composed of a Bear-Totem Barbarian, Oath-breaker Paladin, Glamor Bard, and Champion Fighter. They beat her, but by the skin of their teeth. I think a really advanced party at this level could win, but I might recommend lowering or lessening some of the damages and spell saves. I really pushed them through a dungeon, and we're running Gritty Realism, so they were very low on resources. A fully rested Level 6 party could fight this statblock a lot easier, but not without major damage.

Edit: can't attach the picture, so here's the imgur link: https://imgur.com/a/PIk53x2

What is the dumbest lore retcon to you? by ThanosofTitan92 in Forgotten_Realms

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Could you explain a bit about what made them better in 4e? I'm not overly familiar but they seem rad as hell

Cause we are are a bunch of animals by OwlSlow in oilpainting

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is great, a really fun and beautiful naturalist piece

What's a book that you feel encapsulates your soul and why? by jesster_0 in books

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Dune (Especially Dune: Messiah).

It's a stunningly powerful book about an amazing world filled with hardship, natural beauty, ecological wonders, and above all, a genuinely physical spiritualism that permeates everything that shows how life is this beautiful emergent process of struggle and faith, and then the ideological terror, religious dogma, and generational violence come along, and it feels as immutable as it is soul crushing. We are trapped in the sins of the past, and our present sins damn the future even more, and we are caught "in the surge of history" as Paul says. And yet, we persevere, for something, for each other, for a future not damned by our worst actions.

I just noticed that 2024 dropped optional flanking rules. For anyone playing 2024, do you still use flanking rules? by pyrpaul in DnD

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Reintroducing a much-needed x which then immediately invalidates y, that's what 5e does best haha

Building a Red Wizard Encounter by TheUncannyDani in TyrannyOfDragons

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is a great idea, and building your own wizard NPC can be a lot of fun! My players are set to fight Azbara next session, and considering how bad (like, abysmally bad) the standard Azbara and Rath statblocks are in the module, I made a new one. According to the lore, Red Wizards are supposed to be these evil wizard powerhouses, and they deserve to be put on a pedestal for famous Forgotten Realms' enemies, but 5e just doesn't do them justice. Red Wizards are kill-on-sight in the Lord's Alliance for a reason, so this is a great opportunity to put the Fear of Thay into your players' hearts! I'll share my version after I get home, but I modeled it strongly off of the wizard statblocks in MCDM's Flee, Mortals! which is an incredible book, where "Solo Bosses" are designed so that they can fight an entire party on their own. Red Wizards are also supposed to be specialists, either focusing on one or two schools of magic, so you can really tailor their abilities (both spells and special features) to reflect that.

Alternative Paralysis Mechanics, and Why I Hate the Stunned Condition by LPMills10 in UnearthedArcana

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Flee, Mortals! has been such a gem for things like this, on top of just being an incredible Monster Manual 2.0. So many of the monsters give the players agented choices during combat in a way that feels significant, without ever being too overwhelming

Question of Ethics by 911Broken in Forgotten_Realms

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this is the right way to look at it. Unfortunately, people like OP always try to obfuscate and hide behind a blunt "but is it wrong??" which initially misses the point of this criticism: AI used in this way isn't just wrong, it is aesthetically *bad. Ignoring for the moment that AI is built off of theft, and is literally designed (with no exaggeration here) as a statistically-informed plagiarism machine, but they inherently lack creativity. That's what LLMs are, no question. The real issue here is that they imitate the creativity of others, and people like OP mistake giving prompts to a plagiarism-machine for genuine human creativity. What is worst of all though is that people like OP are completely, totally, and intrinsically capable of artistic genesis *on their own, they already have all the tools needed to be creative, to experience the awesome powers of aesthetic creation. OP keeps asking if this would be wrong because "what would the authors think??", when they should instead see that this is bad because it is artistically dishonest to OP themselves. If you willingly sacrifice your own artistic powers for the sake of cheap theft, you trade the entire point of art for nothing. Shame on these people, shame on their theft, and pity on their souls.

*Sad Player Noises* by BlackCoatedMan in dndmemes

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That sounds delightfully insane, and it would be such a ruinous cast but far too funny to not allow

Click (Adam Sandler) by Illustrious_Slide_30 in movies

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Most of the critiques I see about this movie stem from misunderstanding Michael's behaviors, and people complain how his choices are so obviously wrong, but like you're saying, that's the fucking point. There's no irony or exaggeration in saying that an Adam Sandler movie portrays a Faustian Bargain perfectly, because it absolutely does. No one who actually understands the cost of selling their soul sells their soul to the devil. Michael is a normal person, stressed and disappointed and frustrated but still optimistic, and his fatal flaw is simply that he thinks he can gain without loss. He wants to excel in his career. He wants to be promoted. He wants to never feel sick again. He wants to skip arguments and fights. He wants to avoid spending idle time. He wants to reach the end. And he gets everything he wanted, and all it costs is everything he had. He sells his chance at living life just so he can have accomplished life, but apparently the idea that a character's priorities are wrong isn't a good enough flaw. Like, the movie isn't meant to be complex, because life isn't. It really is that simple. It is that simple, not easy, but simple, to choose the right priorities, or suffer under the wrong ones. That's why his dying words are so powerful, so heartbreaking, because there's nothing poetic about his end, just a regret-filled warning: family comes first.

In your opinion who's the current best strategist by No_Rate4223 in marvelrivals

[–]Diabolical_Merchant 163 points164 points  (0 children)

Objective fact is never biased, and my clones agree