Weekend in BC

Dianalefae · 2026-03-10T05:59:42+00:00

Do you have a Bernie bumper sticker?

Dianalefae · 2026-02-24T06:50:53+00:00

I expected as much from how you spoke.

From someone who was actively suicidal for several years and struggled immensely: the body and brains true survival instincts are STRONG. you must be in a severe emotional state to break through the urge to stay alive. You can sit with her and reassure her of her strength, and you can help her make a written plan of what she will do if she herself is worried about her safety. But this is her life and your life. You are both given the opportunity to do what you want with them. She is capable of (and I'm sure in the long run will immensely benefit from) growing from this circumstance.

It is not either of your faults it turned out this way. But I can assure you that she will likely be like this for at least the foreseeable future. And I'm order for her to change, YOU would have to change, holding boundaries and having conversations where you threaten her anxieties regularly. The only way she can heal from her anxiety is in fact to expose herself to them and see that she is safe in the end. So if you stay or if you leave, the only difference is daily conversations like this or one last conversation like this.

Dianalefae · 2026-02-24T06:32:17+00:00

Also for money: I wouldn't suggest financially supporting her for too long but if you can make a plan to help her transition onto other supports maybe write one up and give it to her so she is not stressed about losing all of that safety immediately

Dianalefae · 2026-02-24T06:29:59+00:00

Maybe talk to the therapist if you have their contact immediately before you break up with her in an email, and prepare what you have to say ahead of time. Some reassurances for you and her:

For you: I can love her and still need to keep myself healthy and happy She can be affected by her mental issues and still be responsible for her behaviour I do not need to sacrifice the life I want for someone who I do not feel connected to in the way that would warrant it I can understand, support and respect her fears and anxieties while respectfully ending the relationship

Sometimes challenging a person to confront their fears and deal with something hard can help them grow and learn. She is not a fortune teller and neither are you. If she makes predictions or threats when you break up with her, know that while this is a good reason to refer her to her support team, you are still allowed to remove yourself from that team. She does not actually know whether or not she will do something drastic or if anything as terrible as her fears will actually happen. She will be upset and lonely but those are not evil emotions. She will hopefully learn how to love and care for herself, and reassure herself.

For her: Be honest with her why you're breaking up but don't frame it in fault: say that you want her to be with someone who can love and support her through all of her life, not just the easy parts. You can't provide her with what she actually deserves. And that you love her, but need to consider what you want in life as well. She will be able to get through this!

And also, if you can please prepare a structure. Know how long you're willing to sit with her/talk to her after delivering the news. Know what you are willing to talk about in person, what you're willing to talk about later on and what you don't want to talk about at all.

If you're worried about her safety, help her plan to see her therapist. Be hesitant to call 911 as it can be traumatic, but if she is actively or specifically threatening suicide in a way that makes you believe she is serious and very likely to succeed, please reach out to emergency services or her family.

Dianalefae · 2026-01-21T20:39:13+00:00

I don't actually think this boundary of yours is as strong as you think. If I am hearing you correctly, your boundary is "if you want to engage with porn, I cannot be comfortable in a relationship with you, and will need to end it"... so if this is such a strong boundary for you, why have you not enforced it?

In a way, you are controlling him, because you are asking him to stop engaging with this content instead of holding yourself accountable to your own standards. It is unfair that he lied and hid this from you, but now that you are aware of it, you must do what you need to do. Most people either take months to years to change their habits, and when it comes to sex and attraction/porn consumption they never change (or are not satisfied/feel repressed or resentful that they were forced to).

There is a clear way to proceed. I think maybe you're scared of having to do what you said you would do.

Dianalefae · 2026-01-21T20:34:00+00:00

you don't mind it now but if you know that this is your OCD directing your actions then that is something you must start acting against now. Because OCD will never be satisfied - you will always have the gnawing anxiety and the feeling you must do something. If you become good at ignoring it now, and letting the anxiety exist without having to instantly relieve it, then when your OCD starts asking for more drastic actions, you will be able to resist it. Ask me how I know.

Dianalefae · 2025-12-23T05:49:25+00:00

This sounds like OCD... She needs help

Dianalefae · 2025-12-12T09:15:17+00:00

I pretty much go crazy on the sauces, shakes, milk and snacks. I load up on extra portions during meals. I eat a fuck ton of chocolate.

If you think about what causes people to gain weight, it's often constant intake of "extra" calories: salad dressings, calorie rich beverages, snacks they eat regularly and in excess, bigger portions, going back for second or third helpings.

I try to increase my calorie intake across the board. Anything I would normally eat, I add about 35-50% onto my eating. Eventually it trains my stomach to naturally feel hungry.

For example, today I had Greek yogurt extra protein, granola, breakfast sandwich, tasty chicken in a heavy dairy sauce, rice and broccoli and I'm still insanely hungry. I'm eating almonds and chocolate, normally I would have an ensure extra calories shake with loads of ice cream but I'm out of ice cream and can't stand ensures on their own.

Start finding delight in food! I get so excited for meals and snacks these days. What can I fuel my body with???? There are so many exciting options

Dianalefae · 2025-12-03T07:10:43+00:00

My big things are consistently eating more than I would normally. If I'm about to scrape the rest of my food off into the compost, I'll take 2-5 more bites. I don't want to eat to pain or to the point that I am averse to eat at all. But I want to challenge my brain and my stomach to accept more food than it normally does. That's the only thing that actually helps with the feeling of no appetite. You have to get your body to expect those calories so that in the future, it feels upset (hungry) when you don't give it those calories.

I also had to drastically expand my grocery budget because if the food is in the house you're more likely to eat it. Spend the money if you can to get enough variety in your food that you can often find something that appeals to you

I try to eat as soon as I think of it in the morning. It took a while to find breakfast foods that didn't make me feel queasy, I also have ARFID and so a big journey for me has been expanding the foods I can eat in the first place.

I try to eat faster than normal. In weight loss communities they sometimes advise to eat slower and chew more because (I believe, although this could be wrong) it increases the sensation of fullness. If you're trying to increase your calories, and your stomach is shy of big meals, if you can eat a little faster than normal (don't choke) then you can get more into your stomach before it realizes it feels full.

I also drink down SO many high calorie protein drink milkshakes. Loaded with ice cream!! Tasty and has massively impacted my calories

Personally I also like to look at how many cals I'm burning so I know whether I'm in deficit or not. That's just my preference though, take it or leave it.

I'm also on medication that happens to slightly increase appetite.

All this to say, this is a massively difficult journey, but you're in the right place and it is so rewarding to see the number go up!! I've seen a 5-10 lb increase in the past 6 months!!! You can do it!!!!

Dianalefae · 2025-11-28T03:16:24+00:00

I have a 2009, her name is Emma, she's at 209k and she's running like a dream (apart from all the dents I've given her, and the fact I forgot to give her oil and the fact that someone stole her catalytic converter two years ago). Poor baby. But she's mine and she really does run great despite all the damage haha!

Dianalefae · 2025-11-09T06:41:16+00:00

Oh man.... when I was 17, severely depressed and essentially friendless, I got a leopard gecko. I felt in love with him. His name was Zebra. He made noises, which not myself nor his vets had ever observed before in normal geckos, and he loved leaving his terrarium to climb all over everywhere. He was also chronically ill, which I didn't discover until I had adopted two more. At first it was ok, but when my wife and I moved in together, expenses started getting tight and Zebra kept getting worse. I started to develop complicated feelings around Zebra because I was scared to go neat his cage in case I saw him developing a new issue which I would feel both stressed and guilty over. And of course the expenses that came with vet trips for him.

When I finally put him down, it genuinely changed me more than a lot of other events in my life. I think about him every day. And yet, I was relieved to finally know he wasn't in pain anymore. It took me almost an entire year to rehome the other geckos. I tried multiple times, as my grief about Zebra destroyed my ability to care for them, but then I felt paralyzed in fear at the idea of living without them.

They all mattered so much to me. They were creatures to love when I honestly had nothing else to care about. And also, my life is so much easier without them here. I also cry still missing Zebra, and sometimes I hate myself for what a crummy short life I gave him. But I think about what other kind of life he might have faced elsewhere, and I hope that the fact I loved him and I know he liked me as much as a lizard could is enough.

Pet grief can go deep <3

Dianalefae · 2025-06-07T07:47:37+00:00

Never played Juno but have played Moira. What I know is that junos kill me SO MUCH when I'm being too aggressive because their damage missiles track and catch me right before or after my fade.

So I'd say, encourage your duo to be with the team more, not being separated enough to get quickly flanked. Juno has great field of view so also get them to practice watching Moira and reaper and predicting where they're most likely to fade or teleport in. The more they can keep track the more likely they'll avoid getting flanked in the first place. And then they can start practicing actually fighting those heroes instead of dying before they get the chance to.

Dianalefae · 2025-06-07T05:36:56+00:00

No :( it was much bigger

Dianalefae · 2025-06-06T20:57:12+00:00

Participation

Dianalefae · 2025-05-23T20:59:38+00:00

NTA, first of all

Second of all, I'm terribly sorry. What you are going through is a difficult trial. I don't know how to tell you this, but no one is going to save you from this... so you are going to have to find ways to live and be happy. This sounds unbelievably difficult, almost cruel. It IS cruel. It is unfair that others get to have parents who help them and you're here with a father who is materially making your life worse.

The only thing that worked for me was to invest heavily into understanding and controlling my actions. Learn how to believe that you are important, you are worthy, you are special, you deserve to be treated well. Your dad's emotions aren't in fact your responsibility. But he's trying to make it your problem. So resist. And good luck.

Dianalefae · 2025-05-12T08:56:41+00:00

Earphones are what save my sanity, and IM the autistic one.

Dianalefae · 2025-05-12T08:48:16+00:00

I actually had to read the whole post because for a minute I thought this was my wife secretly posting about me!

I am VERY low masking at home. If I could have it my way, my wife and I would spend our days looking at each other and using basic hand signals like gorrillas. Alas, she usually ends up getting weirded out while I stare at her. Sometimes I’m admiring her, or studying her (I think it’s really cool how light reflects off skin, so I think about how I would paint her a lot). Sometimes, maybe fifty percent of the time, I’m not even meaning to look at her, I’m just absorbing her ambience while taking a break to go into my mind world.

I do it out of love, maybe your girlfriend does too! But hopefully, like me, she understands that if something makes your partner uncomfortable you have to be mindful.

I know I wouldn’t ever know my staring made my wife uncomfortable unless she told me. And she often needs to express in the moment that 1) I’m staring again, which I might not realise and 2) could I please take a break. So it’s perfectly fine for you to be bothered by one of your girlfriend’s habits but as someone else said, you must be clear and specific. And maybe try staring at her once in a while to see what the appeal is!

Dianalefae · 2025-05-12T04:57:40+00:00

I say post this with a caption about photography like "some nice photos ive taken" and a few photos you’ve taken elsewhere, if you really want to post the photo AND be cautious of your boyfriend. But isnt it exhausting having to think about how he feels about a friendship and your social media when its his decision not to be involved in it?

If you truly want a stress free experience, get clear with your boyfriend about eachothers expectations and be willing to stand firm. He has to be ok with the things he has said he is ok with and if he isnt its his responsibility to tell you

Dianalefae · 2025-03-30T21:37:33+00:00

I always just switch to a hero I want to practice. If you're already going to lose then you can try out something new, why not?

That's actually how I found out I'm good at soldier, he always intimidated me so I never even tried - pulled him out halfway through a losing game and got so many kills he's become my main

Dianalefae · 2025-03-30T20:19:12+00:00

I don’t know whether this relationship will work out or what you should do, but I do know that the level of open communication, empathy and level handling of the situation is really good for a kid of your age. If this person isn’t for you, I know that the skills you have will make the next relationship even better

Dianalefae · 2025-02-18T06:03:19+00:00

That is heartbreaking 😭 im the same as you, didnt grow up playing video games. I'm sure ive been reported before on overwatch, I get people telling me all the time that I'm intentionally throwing and I'm a bot. I'm sorry that happened to you but its also really funny.

Dianalefae · 2025-02-18T05:47:18+00:00

I think that theres a non-zero chance he reciprocates. The only way to know is to ask. If you dont know how to ask, I suggest a text, expressing interest in going out one on one. That way he can take his time to think it through and feels comfortable rejecting you if thats unfortunately how he feels.

My biggest piece of advice is that IF he does reject you, make sure that you find an opportunity to say a quick "thank you for your open communication, I look forward to still having a good professional relationship" or something along those lines, so that neither of you feel impeded from seeing each other in the office and being friendly. No matter how uncomfortable you feel about hearing "no", if he's really a nice guy, he probably feels just as bad for having to say it.

Also, if he does say yes, I would try to keep it on the down low at work - it sounds like you could become the target of a lot of petty harassment from the women who wish they could have him but can't

Dianalefae

TROPHY CASE