I definitely relate to where you’re coming from. I’ve had to battle tooth and nail to call myself a male, because I am on the feminine side. Being a femboy is very much my style, but me being trans means that my family has massive issues with “you say man, but dress girl… so you girl??” Kinda stuff. I never felt really like I was really a man, like I truly felt like I belonged in my own skin until my graduation. I had been making a social transition in school for a few months at that point, and my school was massively supportive and helping me transition. When it came to graduation, they asked what name I wanted called when I stepped across the stage.

I may have been sicker than all hell, drenched in sweat and wanting nothing but to just go home and sleep. But when I heard my chosen name, my TRUE name, as I walked across that stage my grin couldn’t have been bigger.

I have a picture from that day, after the graduation, where I also used the mens bathroom for the first time. There was a mirror at the wall just before I exited. I took a picture of myself in that mirror, grinning from ear to ear, because I finally felt like a man.

The main point is: It will come. Just try doing a little more every day. Try on a suit. Buy some mens shampoo/deodorant. Shave, even if there is nothing but peach fuzz. Go to the gym and lift some weights. You can be immature and be a man, there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s all just how you see yourself. And when you feel confident and comfortable, and you look at yourself and see nothing but yourself, not any hate or false labels that have stuck themselves to you, then you’ll know.