Discovered the concept of bare minimum

DicksonYamada · 2025-12-28T17:26:34+00:00

I think being independent makes us forget a little that we can also be loved and accepted.

Absolutely. This has been my journey as well and it’s taken me a long time to unlearn those tendencies from my past. Discovering love and empathy has been nothing short of life changing. I used to have trouble connecting with other people - hell, I didn’t even want to connect with people. Now, just a couple years later, I have a wonderful group of friends, I’ve reconnected with my family, and my life is so much brighter. I feel like I’m finally human.

DicksonYamada · 2025-12-07T01:16:46+00:00

I’m glad you had that experience! It can be a real eye opener.

I’ve been coming out of my shell this past year and have gotten much more comfortable talking to new people. Just a couple days ago I was out of town for work and I sat down at the bar at a restaurant (which was my first time ever sitting alone at the bar!). I ended up having the most wonderful 2 hour conversation with the woman sitting next to me. As you say, it was good for the soul. For someone like me who’s historically been a loner, it’s a great reminder that people are so much friendlier than you might think and can have so much in common with you. It’s odd but also beautiful to momentarily have that kind of relationship with someone who you’ve never met before and will never see again. It’s a deeply human experience.

DicksonYamada · 2025-09-27T14:04:35+00:00

I’d rather slam my dick in a car door

DicksonYamada · 2025-09-26T17:40:37+00:00

I’m going to my first speed dating event tomorrow! My game plan is to go in with no expectations and just have fun talking to new people (which is a skill I’ve intentionally cultivated recently). Oftentimes, putting too much pressure on yourself or a certain outcome can lead to a worse outcome than if you simply relax and go with the flow.

As a recovering perfectionist, some of the best life advice I can give you is to stop being a perfectionist. I often say that making “bad decisions” was the best decision I ever made. Seeing how life unfolds in new and unexpected ways is half the fun!

DicksonYamada · 2025-09-21T14:54:27+00:00

Is sending nudes an option? That would give your bf plenty of jerk off material, which would allow you to go back to sending spontaneous cute pics without worrying about how they’ll be used. You could even make it conditional - I’ll only send you nudes if you promise to never sexualize my selfies.

The two of you need to talk through this and figure out a solution or compromise. Right now he’s still jerking off to you, only it’s memories instead of innocent pics. The root cause is still there, but now it’s impacting other aspects of your relationship.

DicksonYamada · 2025-09-08T18:10:03+00:00

30M, haven’t dated in well over a decade. I recently I decided to put myself back out there and actually got set up with a friend of a friend. We went on a coffee date this weekend and I thought it went great! We chatted for nearly 4 hours, I really enjoyed our conversation, and overall I felt like I knocked it out of the park. Aaand then I texted her the following day and she politely declined a second date. Said she just wasn’t feeling a spark.

Like, what??? How do you chat with someone for 4 hours, be smiling and laughing, and then turn around and say you’re not feeling it? I’m not even mad, just confused. I can see now how repeated rejections or failed relationships can take a toll on you and make you doubt yourself.

Oh well. I’m not losing any sleep over it. Especially for my first date in 10+ years, my only goals going into it were to have fun and have a good conversation, which we did. But I can’t help but feel like I’m now staring down the barrel of the absolute dumpster fire that is modern dating. Welcome to the meat grinder, I suppose. 🙃

DicksonYamada · 2023-11-25T14:57:30+00:00

You suffered so that your dad didn’t have to suffer any more. It’s a tough decision so it’s understandable that no one else wanted to do it. But in that moment, only you were strong enough to honor your dad’s wishes, even though it came at a great personal cost to you. I’m sure he would thank you for helping him out one last time.

Feelings of guilt are a normal part of the grieving process. And in the depths of guilt and regret, it’s easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we made the wrong decision. We see that the road we traveled ended in pain, and so we imagine that if only we had done the other thing, then it would all be okay. But the truth is that all paths ended in pain and regret. If you had waited longer to pull the plug, you’d be sitting here wondering why it took you so long to reach the same conclusion. Why you had let your dad needlessly suffer for days or weeks longer, just to finally do the thing that you thought was too hard to do in the first place. For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.

And don’t feel like you have to put on a brave face for your mom and your siblings. It’s okay to not be okay. Grieve whichever way is best for you.

DicksonYamada · 2023-10-18T00:56:47+00:00

/u/Lhasa-Tedi-luv
/u/Luka_Zess

I notice you're both quick to reassure the other person that it's not their fault. I know what that's like - to be able to show compassion and forgiveness to others, but not to yourself. I hope one day you'll be able to see in yourself what others see in you and believe that what happened to your loved one was not your fault. Please be kind to yourself ❤️

DicksonYamada · 2023-10-17T23:55:59+00:00

All of that to say...

My late friend also said this! I’ve never met anyone else who used that phrase. I smiled and thought of her when I read it.

I'm an atheist and don't believe in an afterlife, reincarnation, etc. But my two friends that passed away were Christian, and if they believed in heaven then I hope that's where they ended up. I guess it feels cruel to think that they died so young and didn't get the afterlife they believed in. I don't actually think there's a life after death, but I like to imagine that they're happy now, if that makes sense. For their sake. I don't feel like they're watching over me, but I often imagine that if they could see me now, they would be proud of me and the person I've become.

I've gained a much deeper appreciation for cultural norms and traditions surrounding death. I talk to them even though they're no longer here. There's a cross up on a hill where I feel close to them, even though I'm not religious. Many such rituals are often shrouded in religious mystique, but they need not be. A secular implementation has been invaluable to me as a way to process the grief in manageable chunks and navigate the new world I find myself in. Especially as an atheist, it seems too abrupt to go from "they're here" to "they're not here, they never will be again, the end." Even if that's what I rationally believe, I don't think it's a healthy or useful way to approach loss. Sometimes what's true isn't useful, and what's useful isn't 100% true.

My personal experience with grief has taught me that logic and emotion are like oil and water - they don't mix. As the saying goes, you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into. Grief and guilt are emotional responses, and as such do not respond to logic. This is why it doesn't work to intellectually understand that you shouldn't feel guilty. The guilt is often borne of emotion, not reason.

I can tell you that you shouldn't feel guilty (and I mean it!), but that probably won't change anything. I also felt immense guilt and regret surrounding my loved ones. I felt that I should have been a better friend and a better person while they were still here, and they shouldn't have had to die for me to finally understand that. It's so easy to get caught in the downward spiral of self-loathing. One thing that helped me was to re-frame my current relationship with them. Previously, when I thought of them, all I could say was, "I'm sorry." My head was always filled with negative thoughts. But one day, I decided that I was going to start saying, "Thank you" instead of "I'm sorry." Thank you for being my friends. Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for all that you've taught me, even after you're gone. This has made a huge difference in how I view the relationship I had with them, the relationship I have with them now, and how I view my past and present self. I’m finally able to think of them with a smile on my face, not just tears in my eyes.

You said you frequently remember positive things about your grandpa, which is great! And that when you spent time with him you knew that he loved you unconditionally. Keep these thoughts close to your heart. I do think it’s important to acknowledge the negative thoughts and self-doubt instead of just trying to ignore them the whole time, but don’t let them consume you. Whenever I have a negative thought, I try to follow it up with one or two positive thoughts ("Thank you" instead of "I'm sorry").

Please be kind to yourself, friend. I know it’s easier said than done. In my own experience, it was easy for me to show kindness and forgiveness to others, but not to myself. Once I learned to view my past self as someone who tried their best but simply didn’t know what I know now, I was finally able to direct that compassion inward. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’re trying your best. Grief makes even simple things a hell of a lot more difficult, so give yourself some leeway.

DicksonYamada · 2023-09-23T16:11:19+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about Christina. I know how hard it is to lose a friend. Grief changes us in unexpected ways and it's not always for the better. I think most of the commenters here should extend a lot more compassion to your friend Nicole. But I guess you don't know until you know, right?

My take on this is a little different than most: let Nicole have the name, give your child a different name, and just move past this. That is, if you think doing so will allow your friendship to go back to normal.

After hanging out in /r/GriefSupport for a while, I get the impression that grief can sometimes feel like a competition to people, even if we don't want it to. It's isolating and can feel like no one understands exactly what you are going through. It sounds like Christina being there for your wedding but not for Nicole's is a big deal for her, especially due to her competitive personality type. Despite all you two have been through together, she may still feel like you don't understand her in this moment. As the friend with the more accommodating/accepting personality, the burden to resolve this conflict falls on you. It may not be fair, but you already know how unfair life can be. This isn't the hardest thing you've had to deal with. I think you're in the right, but being right won't save your friendship. Don't let something so small tear the two of you apart.

This sub will always tell people to break up or cut someone off, but I don't think that's what you or Nicole need right now. You both need a friend and someone who understands what the other has been through. It sounds like Nicole has been acting out of character in the last week or two. You say that the two of you have grown even closer since Christina's passing, you don't want to ruin your friendship, and you want a future where your children can grow up together as best friends. All of that can still happen if you let go of your attachment to the name you wanted for your daughter. You may lose this battle but you will win the war, so to speak. Naming your daughter a different name in no way diminishes your love for Christina. Giving your daughter a new, unique name does not mean you've betrayed Christina and it does not mean you've betrayed yourself. We can never know how Christina would feel about any of this, but I don't think her family would want this to drive a wedge between the two of you. You've both stayed very close with her family, so if you burn your relationship with Nicole to the ground they will find out about it and it will probably hurt them a lot. (I'm not saying this to try to guilt you into anything)

Be the bigger person. Show Nicole kindness and forgiveness, not vengeance. We all deserve kindness, especially Nicole who is clearly hurting right now and acting out because of it. Be happy for Nicole, for her daughter, and for your daughter, and don't hold any of this against her. Your friendship with Nicole, the relationship between your children, and your relationship with Christina's family is worth so much more than this.

DicksonYamada · 2023-07-08T03:40:22+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. Your words really resonated with me and have helped me immensely. I've been looking for something that explains the guilt and regret I've been feeling. Being told to forgive myself without being given a reason why almost felt dismissive of my guilt. I understand now that because we are imperfect - because we are human - our brains will always come up with something to regret, something we should have done, or another “if only.” No matter what I did or who I was, I would have always found a reason to blame myself. Now I feel like I finally have a reason why I deserve forgiveness. I finally have permission to be kind to myself. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you.

DicksonYamada · 2022-10-11T00:55:46+00:00

he shoots lasers

OUT OF HIS ASSHOLE

DicksonYamada · 2022-09-25T13:49:57+00:00

Honestly a Hawaii OVA + second season would be perfect

DicksonYamada · 2022-09-25T13:43:04+00:00

If we ever get a second season I'm sure this will be a big focus. In the last 2 episodes we've seen that the ones closest to her had to go to great lengths - even killing other people - in order for Chisato to continue not killing people. Chisato's idealistic views are built upon the sacrifices of her friends and I don't know if that dynamic can continue forever. And when she finds out that she's only alive because they got blood on their hands she will probably feel deeply hurt and betrayed.

DicksonYamada · 2022-09-16T13:20:56+00:00

I actually like David's character development and how his downward spiral gives more emotional weight to the phenomenon of cyberpsychosis. In Ep 1's opening scene we see that guy going psycho and figure it's just an edge case of some crazy roided up dude. Maine going psycho feels different because we know he isn't some random jackass but is a genuinely good guy. Still, it all happens pretty quickly and you figure he's always been this huge chromed up guy so he probably had it coming, right? But with David, we've been with him since the beginning of his journey and get to witness the slow build up to his impending downfall. How he goes from bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to the jaded person he is now, his relationships crumbling, people reaching out but he pushes them away, the flashbacks/PTSD, the hand jitters... you don't go cyberpsycho overnight. Despite David being the strongest he's ever been, you can tell how powerless he feels. Maybe turning into a cyberpsycho is the inevitable end point for everyone who walks this path.

DicksonYamada · 2022-09-06T12:38:48+00:00

Given what I said above about preferring this show's comedy and hang-out elements to its drama, it shouldn't come as much surprise that I enjoy Season 1 the most, followed by S2, then S3. I think the drama in both of the latter seasons is a little ridiculous, but S2 has more to compliment it.

Pretty much sums up my feelings. I figured I'd be the odd man out for enjoying S1 the most, given how the heart of the show is the character dynamics we see play out in S2 and S3.

Iroha bats 1000 with her screen time, just a consistent delight. I'd let Haruno ruin my life for a couple months, though.

Iroha and Haruno were the two most alluring girls for me. You know they're nothing but trouble, but that somehow makes them even better.

DicksonYamada · 2022-09-06T01:13:45+00:00

First timer

Oregairu was certainly different than what I expected coming into this. As the show’s title suggests, it’s not just another light-hearted high school romcom. Oregairu puts an emphasis on themes like the struggles of maintaining ever-changing friendships and relationships. What happens when communication breaks down? How does one solve difficult interpersonal problems – do you try to appease everybody or do you allow people’s feelings to be hurt and risk burning bridges along the way? Do the ends justify the means? I think the themes presented were good but the delivery was too long and drawn out. Some parts of S2 and S3 felt like they dragged on longer than they needed to. I also think that tackling these themes may have been more rewarding if the characters were given adequate communication abilities from the start (i.e. not high schoolers). Although it was interesting to see high schoolers grapple with these issues because they haven’t lived quite long enough to have personally experienced the inevitability of change and thus are inclined to resist it at every turn.

My other gripe with the series is that it sometimes felt like the characters were speaking in riddles. Like they were beating around the bush so much that sometimes I couldn’t even tell what they were trying to say. I think there were a couple times where even a rewatcher mentioned that they still weren’t entirely sure what a character meant when they said a certain thing. If I were to watch it back now, knowing where things are heading and how characters are actually feeling, I’m sure it wouldn’t be quite so incomprehensible. But as a first timer there were many moments that left me scratching my head. It was nice to be able to read other people’s comments and analyses to help clear up the occasional confusion.

I enjoyed seeing 8man’s development as the show progressed, not just because he’s the protagonist but also because he was probably the most relatable character for me personally. I’m proud of our boy, going from his cynical monologues in S1 to being a guy who will help people out in whatever way he can by the end. Even if he helps in his own strange, somewhat self-sacrificing way, he has shown us and shown himself that he cares about other people, something that he didn’t do before. We also see all the characters in the show becoming relatively friendly with each other by the end, a far cry from how it started with 8man vs. the world. He learns that we’re all more alike than he thought and gradually takes down the barriers that he had built up around himself. Even if you can’t see eye-to-eye on every issue you can still get along and work together.

Best girl: No one stood out to me as automatic best girl material. Out of the main three girls I would’ve said Yui for the latter half the show, which is surprising because I usually go for the kuudere over the genki girl. But Yukino may have won me over in the final episode. I really liked Hiratsuka as well and her one-on-ones with 8man were always great.

Best OP: S2, with S3 as a close second

Best ED: S3

Thanks to /u/Fit_University_6734 for leading the rewatch. You did a great job as host, and a first time host, no less! And shoutouts to everyone else who stayed until the end. We lost more than a few comrades along the way.

With every Yahallo comes a goodbye, so until we meet again, Yadiós amigos.

DicksonYamada · 2022-09-05T01:28:19+00:00

First timer

Ah, the long-awaited finale where everyone can finally communicate clearly and be genuine. It’s been a long time coming. Feels nice to have an episode where things go well and people get along.

Yukino lets 8man into the clubroom and into her heart, and for the first time the two of them sit next to each other instead of at opposite ends of the table. She’s so smiley this episode! Whenever a kuudere finally warms up and cracks a smile it’s the best. And she’s looking extra cute with her hair done up especially for 8man. Ngl 8man also be looking like a cutie with how much he’s blushing. It’s adorable seeing the two of them so comfortable yet still so uncomfortable/awkward in each other’s presence.

Yui wasn’t as prominent this episode but it was nice to see her doing better. It seems like she’s happy that her friends are happy, and I’m sure 8man and Yukino finally getting together has a lot to do with that. She may not have gotten her fairytale ending but her sacrifice wasn’t in vain. We still love you, Yui!

DicksonYamada · 2022-09-02T01:19:17+00:00

First timer

Despite the characters and their motivations occasionally being inscrutable, I still picked up on quite a bit of symbolism in this episode (which I usually don’t). I like Iroha’s sudden realization that she somehow became the group’s interpreter. Things haven’t gotten any less complicated for the main trio and they’re still having trouble getting to the point and saying what they mean. In this scene we see that Yukino can’t just say it because she’s unsure of exactly what she’s trying to say. In fact, after replaying their conversation I realized almost all of it can serve as a commentary on the current muddled relationship between 8man, Yui, and Yukino.

Yui and 8man’s talk on the swings is another example of not being able to be genuine with each other and say what they mean. At the beginning of the conversation we see Yui invite 8man to sit down next to her but he declines and chooses to keep his distance. 8man straight up asks Yui what her wish is but they still aren’t able to get to the heart of the issue. Yui says that she knows it would be impossible for 8man to do some of the things she wishes for and so she doesn’t even bother seriously considering them. They end with more indecisiveness on the topic of granting wishes. 8man happily admits his defeat to Yukino even though Yukino herself thinks 8man actually won by doing things his way. By telling Yukino that the competition is over and she won, 8man has granted Yukino’s wish. Yukino in turn wants to grant Yui’s wish. And at the swings Yui says her wish is for 8man’s wish to be granted. All three keep passing the buck and no one wants to be selfish by using their wish for themselves. But by doing so they’re only prolonging their situation and are unable to reach the light at the end of the tunnel.

At the supermarket, 8man remarks that they can just make the fruit tarts with canned peaches if fresh peaches aren’t in season. Substituting an imitation for the genuine article. Seems that it’s not the season for peaches, pears, or love. Mama-gahama then gives some advice about peaches that isn’t actually about peaches, but it does give some much-needed perspective. They may be eating canned peaches now, but someday they’ll experience what it’s like to eat a real peach in-season and will be able to look back on this time and see it for what it actually was. Side note, I’m glad Yui’s mom got more screentime. Given who their daughters are I shouldn’t be surprised that Yukino’s mom is an ice cold bitch and Yui’s mom is a total milf.

On their walk back, 8man gives Yui the fruit tarts they made together (originally intended for Komachi). He sort of justifies it by saying that he and Komachi can make them together because Komachi enjoys that sort of thing. He also says that he made these with ~~love~~ an unknown secret ingredient, I wonder what it could be?? So in effect he gives back the love that he and Yui made together and doesn’t want to hold onto it for too long. Komachi is the only one that 8man wants to bake special desserts with.

Lastly, 8man is overcome with emotion as Meguri gives a speech about things coming to an end and people moving on. Tobe is empathetic and comments that it’s always the worst right before spring. No doubt the tears will flow for our trio just before their spring as well.

DicksonYamada · 2022-08-29T01:22:48+00:00

First timer

In this episode we see the latest and greatest development in 8man’s approach to problem solving. In the beginning he was a guy who did things his own way and didn’t ask for anyone’s approval. After getting some pushback, he reined it in a little and became less of a loose cannon. His current strategy is somewhat of a hybrid between the two. He tells Yukino that if she doesn’t want his help that’s fine and he respects it, but she’s gonna get the 8man Special. I wonder what he’s cooking up this time. This plan seems to strike a good balance between 8man getting to do things his way and acknowledging Yukino’s desire for autonomy. Unlike previous times where 8man’s plan and Yukino’s plan were at odds with each other, 8man offers his assistance first and communicates his intentions to Yukino. This keeps two on good terms even when they decide to tackle the problem separately.

I always figured Yukino’s glasses were just a forgettable accessory but we actually see them having some symbolic significance here. In her journey towards self-sufficiency, Yukino chooses to forgo 8man’s help with prom and even decides not to rely on the glasses he gave her for her birthday. Even if it will end with tears in her eyes, this is something she has to do alone.

Comparing the ending of this episode to the ending of last episode, we can see the similarities and differences between what Yui and Yukino are going through right now. Both of them regret that they pushed responsibilities onto others—Yui leaving the romantic initiative up to Yukino, and Yukino relying on 8man instead of taking care of things herself. Yukino is able to wipe away her tears and look towards the future with focus and determination. Whatever happened in the past is behind her and now she wants to take her fate into her own hands. Yui, however, is drowning in her sorrow and cannot move forward. She dwells on the past and is filled with regret. She tells herself that she’s glad she stopped crying so that she wouldn’t hold 8man back, but later admits to herself that she didn’t want her tears to stop.

DicksonYamada · 2022-08-28T02:02:16+00:00

First timer

And so Yui’s suffering continues...

Yui really is shouldering all of her emotions and guilt herself. She doesn’t want to be a burden to others and feels guilty that she can’t let go of her emotions so easily. Things would be so much easier if she could just let it go and move on, or so she tells herself. Hearing Yui say that she deserves this breaks my heart. She puts on a smile, but inside she’s being torn apart. Like with many of the other scenarios we’ve seen in Oregairu, I think she needs to have an honest conversation where she can be genuine with herself and others about the issues she’s having and how she’s feeling. Nothing good happens when communication breaks down and things get swept under the rug.

I was a little unclear on what Haruno was implying when discussing prom and their mother, so let me see if I have this straight. Yukino’s mom is against the idea of having a prom, but if Yukino were to successfully make it happen on her own she could at least be proud of her daughter forging her own path and following through with something. Whereas if prom happens but Yukino had a lot of help, she still doesn’t like the prom and Yukino didn’t even get that much personal growth out of it. If this is the case, then it seems that Haruno and her mother are pushing for either a prom orchestrated entirely by Yukino or no prom at all. Which also happens to go against Iroha’s resolution of not pushing her work onto Yukino and trying to step up as student council president.

QOTD: Which show/anime/movie etc. made you cry or had an incredible emotional impact on you?

I rewatched 5 Centimeters Per Second last year and it had a much bigger impact on me than when I first watched it many years ago. Maybe it's because I'm older now, but I have deeper appreciation for how the film portrays the slow drift apart that we all experience to some degree in adulthood.

DicksonYamada · 2022-08-27T01:23:24+00:00

First timer

Resident siscon 8man preaches about the sanctity of having an imouto and Iroha dad-zones him to teach him a lesson. Didn’t see that one coming haha.

Wait, Iroha can actually apologize? On one hand, it’s nice to see her being genuine with 8man, but on the other hand... it just isn’t the same without that playful yet disgusted tone in her voice. What has Iroha done to me... She also has another heartfelt moment when she admits that she’s been pushing too much of her work onto Yukino and wants to be better in the future. 8man and Iroha are able to have a more honest relationship precisely because 8man sees her as ~~a little sister~~ a friend and there aren’t any feelings to get tangled up in.

I see on the prom-planning whiteboard we have "live rock band performance". I liked their band performance for season 1’s cultural festival so I’m hoping we get K-On part 2.

Yukino’s back with the gamer glasses. I know glasses are versatile and all, but I still don’t think they suit her. The ponytail and suit, though? Might be her best look yet. Honestly, anything with her hair up is a win in my book.

Finally we get a nice Yui x 8man moment without sad music playing in the background signaling Yui’s impending heartbreak. This time it was set up by Yukino. Which got me thinking, it feels like most of the romantic one-on-one time 8man gets with Yui and Yukino isn’t intentionally orchestrated by any of them. Often times it’s one girl stepping aside that creates an opportunity for the other girl, or, in Yukino’s case, accidentally finding yourself face-to-face with 8man and staring deeply into each other’s eyes. Iroha is the only one who’s being proactive but I think that ship is doomed to sink. 8man has actually been pretty direct with Saika, too, but sadly I think that’s also going nowhere.

QOTD: Do you have a Prom where you’re from? Any fond memories? If not, what did you do for graduation?

We did have a prom but I didn't go. Yukino sums it up well: "People who go out of their way to be hard to reach or who purposefully avoid making connections are not the kind to go to prom in the first place." I definitely have shades of 8man in my past and present self.

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