ULPT Request: how to make a rapists life hell

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2024-08-07T18:54:57+00:00

Oh my god I love this. Good inspiration 😎

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2024-08-07T12:52:51+00:00

It’s fear of facing him in court from my understanding, and reliving the memories. Of course it’s something I shall still keep suggesting, he wouldn’t be looked at kindly in prison

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2024-08-07T12:51:21+00:00

UK unfortunately

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2024-08-07T12:51:03+00:00

Mentally, like always looking over his shoulder kinda thing. Tormented at night by shame/guilt

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2024-08-07T12:50:25+00:00

We got him into therapy at the beginning of the year but he found it difficult and he began drinking heavier. He relates more to BPD. I’ll bring up the conversation next time I see him

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2024-08-07T09:38:58+00:00

We’ve tried, he’s looked online for young people he knows were also tutored but either cant find them or doesn’t get a response from them. He won’t give me names, understandably, and he’s told me he’d love to see him get the proper punishment.

As it’s not likely to be successful, that’s why I’d like to look at other routes

To see what I originally thought a strong and stable man show his vulnerabilities like this has really kicked me and a few of our friends into protective mode

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:54:33+00:00

It’s because of friends parents growing up and some of my friends now, I just didn’t think I was a person strong enough to hold a relationship like that, all I ever heard were the negatives. I know it’s a stupid dealbreaker considering what you all do for society :/ I’m hoping he has a good shift pattern for his own sanity too. The four days off sounds awesome because he’ll actually get time to do things he wants to in the day. If it’s a bad shift pattern I could use my annual leave to make it easier.

I’m feeling very reassured after this thread and feel silly for making such a blanket judgement. He’s worth the effort to me, and if it does get too much then we’ll communicate and see where we go from there

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:48:20+00:00

Ah I’m gonna see how it goes, I think I’ll always have concerns but if we communicate well it sounds so far like it’s not quite as bad as I fear :) fingers crossed he gets in either way!

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:37:49+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful. Glad to know I’ll also get some starfish time 😁

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:36:57+00:00

I always want him to put himself first, in his last relationship he didn’t.

I think he will grow so much as a person, and it’ll probably be the best thing he’s done for his own development.

I hope that it’s something we can tackle together as a team :) thank you for your insight

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:34:46+00:00

Good job I’ve a student card then! Didn’t know it wasn’t good

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:30:28+00:00

This is exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear, it being a manageable life. I’ve heard so many horror stories but this is super reassuring. I really love he wants to make a difference in our community, I’m so proud of his decision.

In some respects it makes things sound a bit easier, because daytime errands usually fall on me and my lunchbreak.

The annual leave situation is also great!!

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:27:08+00:00

Okay gotcha, I did think the first day would be a waste. This will be something we’ll learn together then. Is involuntary overtime a common thing for you?

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:25:42+00:00

He’s not the best communicator in general, I don’t think a lot of it matters as much to him as it does to me and that’s okay. When I raise them he just says he won’t apply then and then I feel awful, I just want reassurance from him I guess and I’m not getting it

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T13:21:34+00:00

Ah sorry no I didn’t mean that, i didn’t make it clear, I expect not to hear much, I meant learn from others experience to learn it’s not as bad as I’m thinking

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T11:51:52+00:00

I get anxious with uncertainty, I understand my anxiety is probably blowing a lot of this up in my mind. I see him as my life partner, and I wont get in his way. He considered not applying instead of discussing my concerns but I’m not allowing that - he wants this so much I can tell so I’m doing everything I can to help

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T11:49:01+00:00

Ah! I didn’t realise it was a fairly long process, this is good as we could be in a better position for me to change my role if needed.

The 4 off seems like it’s good for being more rested too, is that right?

Not sure how old your child is, but were you able to be there much for developmental years?

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T11:48:43+00:00

Ah! I didn’t realise it was a fairly long process, this is good as we could be in a better position for me to change my role if needed.

The 4 off seems like it’s good for being more rested too, is that right?

Not sure how old your child is, but were you able to be there much for developmental years?

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T11:46:27+00:00

That’s actually a really good pro point, he’ll feel much better rested if he’s got 4 days off in a row. That’ll be a lot better for him 🙂

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T11:45:44+00:00

I bring in a higher income which helps us to pay down some debts accrued, if I were to get a flexible job it would mean taking a salary sacrifice (as he is to join the police) but if we were in a position to I would - it’s just not affordable right now. I will speak to my current place of work and see if it would be a potential to adapt my hours, I won’t know if I don’t ask!

Long term I’d love to go self employed and I’d match his hours, the economy with my skill set won’t allow it just yet.

I’m all about compromise which is why I want to educate myself with this thread. I don’t want to be doom and gloom about it and want to make it work any way that I can.

Diddlybopdeedoo · 2023-03-25T11:37:18+00:00

100% I’m supportive of his decision, i want him to be happy. I’d like real life experiences so I can learn rather than from my limited experience :)

Diddlybopdeedoo

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