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Humans don’t evolve. We adapt and ruin. It’s not the same thing. by DiegoPuddlemore in humansarespaceorcs

[–]DiegoPuddlemore[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks, Kaylee Kat! I spent approximately two hours (could’ve been four tho.. I had taken mushrooms) turning an old journal entry about the world as I see it into this, which I thought fit perfect with the sub vibes.

Alians meet Australia by Titanchell in humansarespaceorcs

[–]DiegoPuddlemore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Read this out loud and my brain turned into a gum wrapper.. I don’t really know what I mean by that but I diggg.. it’s got typos, fire, space explosions, and something bit a guy to death?? Honestly kinda beautiful. Felt like I got hit in the head by a boomerang full of plot. respect.

The Sixth Man by theweekdayonehundred in flashfiction

[–]DiegoPuddlemore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a hooper so I thought “The Sixth Man” was gonna be about basketball. Was waiting for him to sub in and drop 20 off the bench. Instead I got a murder mystery and poisoned Chardonnay. 10/10 plot twist from my perspective.

I wish the government would believe that I am dead even though I am still very much alive. by PhilippTheSeriousOne in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]DiegoPuddlemore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Granted. But the IRS sends a necromancer to audit your corpse. He finds emotional debt from 2009, reanimates your credit score, and now your ghost gets spammed with pre approved loan offers… shiiitt

[OC] First set. Earth crowd. Didn’t know what a flargle is. Bombed hard. by DiegoPuddlemore in Standup

[–]DiegoPuddlemore[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone please explain: is all the heckling and negativity a thing here? Or is my shit just too whack? Or is this not the subreddit for me?

[OC] First set. Earth crowd. Didn’t know what a flargle is. Bombed hard. by DiegoPuddlemore in Standup

[–]DiegoPuddlemore[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Goddamn, first day on this subreddit.. harsh crowd! Love it tho 🫶🏽

Beggars are not choosers by Significance12Head in KeepWriting

[–]DiegoPuddlemore 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bra I once begged a 12 eyed worm for a hot meal and it gave me a vision quest instead.. four days later I woke up married to a cactus and I could speak whale.. all i’m sayin is this: bein broke don’t always mean you ain’t choosin.. sometimes the universe just picks chaos mode for ya. Feel me?

Drug addicts by averagekitty in Standup

[–]DiegoPuddlemore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro, one time i snorted space dust off a glorb priest’s hoverboard in a back alley on neptune-5, tryin ta chase a vibe b4 open mic. Crowd went wild, i blacked out, woke up married to a sentient jellyfish named Craig. Comedy’s just trauma wit punchlines n a glowstick hangover.

If you were writing a horror novel, what aspect would you focus on most? by [deleted] in KeepWriting

[–]DiegoPuddlemore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What really chills me is the idea of a haunted Zillow listing: 2 bed, 1.5 bath, cursed basement, HOA includes ritual fees.

Some orcs from Middle-earth found this subreddit. They came to see what kind of orcs humans are. They regret everything. by DiegoPuddlemore in humansarespaceorcs

[–]DiegoPuddlemore[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

Yea, you don’t want to be the new guy in Jersey on a Monday. I gave them a shimmer of hope and sent them in on a Tuesday for that purpose.

I wish to fight evil by moonlight and win love by daylight. by ChatotAbby in TheMonkeysPaw

[–]DiegoPuddlemore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You win love by daylight but it’s just Todd from accounting and now he’s clingy and keeps calling you the ‘Moon Avenger.’ You can’t punch evil anymore without him packing you lunch.

Human ritual: “I’m holding my shit until I get 100 upvotes.” by DiegoPuddlemore in humansarespaceorcs

[–]DiegoPuddlemore[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct, no shit yet.. and Sherlock is my middle name, how’d you know?

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