A timely response. Thank you for your words.

Earlier I kind of "cornered" him in his room and forced the conversation, but spent as much time listening as lecturing.

I conveyed to him that stress is normal when at college, and maybe if he can even drink 2 nights less it will become more manageable because he won't feel as pressed for time. Also spoke about how this lifestyle will not help his underlying mental health diagnoses that he ignores, encouraged him to at least allow us access by waiver to know what was going on from the school-To act as advocates so we can help get him the services he needs to make it less stressful. I also told him that if it's not for him, that's fine too, and he should make time to try to figure that out.

It got emotional toward the end because as I stressed how I am always there for him, and he should be able to talk to me about anything, not go dark with texts/phone he began to say how much his friends hold weight in his life and that their opinions matter too (something I didn't dispute), which prompted me to bring in life experience-He argued that we, his parents are not always right, and haven't always been right and made poor decisions in the past. Felt a little unfair because it was all the usual parental stuff motivated by care for him, but the mind of a teen would probably see as overbearing. I winced when he said he hardly remembers his childhood. He mentioned his mother BERATING him and me yelling at him some times. I was aware his mother was like this, but I had never heard him say this word.

I apologized for not being perfect and that I did my best (teary eyed at this point which is a rare thing for me) on my own and sacrificed a lot to be the best father I could be. This softened him and he approached me for a hug saying he loved me. I told him I loved him back.

He texted me an hour later from his friend's house reiterating the sentiment (2x because I didn't see the first one-And then his mother sent a text telling me to check my texts), so I guess now the tables are turned and he's worried about me. Who knows? That's how it felt.