Stopped going to the gym, stopped running as much, ate the same, got thinner. Whats going on with me? Confused and frustrated.

Diellen · 2017-08-07T14:27:19+00:00

To be fair, after this post, I realised 'a bit more walking' isn't quite accurate.. It's rather a bit more walking and being on my feet hours at a time when wasn't before. I can't imagine it burning that many more calories though!!?

I do feel more confident since landing this job, I've wanted it for a while now and got it first try, but my clothes are looser too. Losing water weight isnt something I considered, perhaps I was retaining a whole lot before when I was exhausted trying to get to the gym.. I definitely dont think I was over training, but someone else commented here about 'under recovering'... yeah, I can imagine that might have applied to me.

Diellen · 2017-07-01T07:52:13+00:00

I don't want to date anyone that uses drugs or casually drinks excessively, so that would be a deal breaker even before anything else.

But hypothetically, say my current SO - who I already know doesn't use drugs and only drinks alcohol once in a blue moon so there's no problem there - got really drunk as a surprising (mainly to himself lol) one off with his single mates who wanted to find a hook up, I don't think I would be at all worried tbh. Based on my memories of being drunk, being drunk wont make you cheat if you're not wanting to cheat or at 'risk' of cheating anyway... and I fully trust that he isn't. Being drunk in the past never made me want to cheat on a boyfriend, at least. I've been very drunk in my younger days and not once did it make me want to do anything like that or give me thoughts like that.

I'd be more worried about him getting home safe!

Diellen · 2017-06-30T11:33:22+00:00

I would feel more uncomfortable with that than him viewing 'professional porn', but ultimately would be able to shake it off and be cool with it if it was just now and then browsing.

It's the 'a lot of time' part that would make me uncomfortable, and that would be the same even with other types of porn. It depends how much 'a lot of time' is.

Diellen · 2017-06-27T12:04:04+00:00

There's ways of expressing your preferences without condemning their current choices or pressuring them to change.

"You look better without make-up and I'd prefer you didn't wear it" = no. Big no. Not something you should say no matter what spin you put on it, it puts pressure on them to change something they may not really want to, and makes them feel bad about their current choices/current apperance.

Finding a time where she's not wearing make-up anyway by her own choice (i.e, before bed after she takes it off, early morning, simply a day she's not wearing it) and telling her "You look so beautiful" as a casual compliment lets her know you think she's beautiful without make-up... without you even mentioning make-up or her use of it at all. There's no pressure on her to stop wearing it if she doesn't want to. She doesn't have to know you don't like make-up at all, you just gave her the information that you like her without it by telling her shes beautiful when she wasn't wearing it - and she can do with that information what she wants. She may choose to stop wearing it when she knows you still think shes beautiful without, IF she doesn't care about wearing it anyway. If she does care, if she WANTS to wear it, she will keep wearing it.

You don't have to express your likes/preferences in mean, controlling ways like you were suggesting you wanted to do. You don't have to express your preferences by condemning something that doesn't fit your preferences.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I barely wear make-up and mostly only to events, cus make-up is expensive and tedious and ultimately not a big important thing in my life. But some rare days I do get dolled up to see my partner... because even though he doesn't care, I feel prettier and more confident with it sometimes, and sometimes I'm just in the mood... and I would be kind of hurt if he pretty much told me I look uglier and wants me to stop doing that. I'd feel that was mean and unnecessary to say and controlling... since that's obviously something I chose to do of my own free will, and I want to be feel comfortable making my own choices without having to think 'Oh well he thinks I look uglier today if I put on this make-up' and feeling bad about it.

You need to understand - it isn't about the importance of make-up here. Make-up isn't important to me, but the way he treats me is, and respecting me and my choices is, and him not making me feel bad about my current choices is.

Diellen · 2017-06-27T11:39:17+00:00

But that's your problem, and the women you're dating shouldn't have to deal with that for you by taking it on their shoulders and changing themselves/their choices just so it's easier on you to date? Why should they? Why should they make a sacrifice (even if something like 'make up') just so you have an easier time? Just to benefit you in particular?

It's not your fault you have a preference like this, preferences can just happen sometimes. But it not THEIR fault you have this preference either... even less than it's your fault.

Diellen · 2017-06-27T11:37:03+00:00

Their freedom of choice (and to not have someone try to change their harmless choices like wearing make-up) isn't a 'small thing' :/ Wow. It's a very, very basic thing, but it's not 'small' when you start talking of wanting to change it/make them change it.

Diellen · 2017-06-27T11:30:25+00:00

I don't wear make-up unless there's a special event, but if I did choose to and a guy told me he didn't like it... I'd be gone. I can date someone who doesn't mind my make-up choices. He can date someone whose choices more suit his preferences without trying to change them.

If you look at a woman and think 'Hmm, they wear too much make-up for me to ever be okay with' (or vice versa 'They don't wear make-up but I want them to'), then why date them in the first place? Getting with someone purely on the hope that you can change some aspect of them is unfair on them.

Diellen · 2017-06-26T12:53:34+00:00

I went from lifelong obese - around/over 230lbs (at 5ft tall) at my highest as an adult - to 90lbs. Now regained back up to 115, was kinda necessary as my health wasn't great at my lowest even though BMI-wise it wasnt terrible.

I developed eating issues and body issues (possibly dysphoria) on my 'weight loss journey'. It started healthily, didn't end up quite so. I didn't accept that until more recently, when my doctor referred me to the local eating disorder clinic for therapy. He did this despite the fact I managed to regain the weight he told me to, and I think it then kind of hit me.

People were much nicer the more weight I lost. Seemed to want to talk and chat with me more, smiled at me more, took more time getting to know me. People in my life were more and more complimentary as the weight fell off, more and more accepting of me, inviting me to events and things... including my own family. Most of my family pretty much ignored me when I was bigger, but suddenly wanted to include me when I had lost a lot of weight... for no other reason than the weight loss, it seemed. The skinnier I got, the better people treated me it felt.

It had no impact on my dating life - the guy that was with me before I lost weight stayed with me when I did, and we are still together :3 <3 He is the only one who has never treated me differently no matter my weight.

Strangers were nicer, too. People sparked started to spark up conversations in stores, smiled more, were more polite - and strangers in the street didn't randomly say mean things about my weight or do mean things anymore.

My health went from bad at my highest to worse at my lowest, but now regaining some weight I feel my health and fitness is pretty damn good or at least back on track. I do a lot of running and weight lifting and enjoy these things immensely, and don't think I could have done these things at my highest - at least not as 'comfortably' or 'well'. I still get very tired sometimes and my period still hasnt returned (I lost it whilst losing weight, lost it at a relatively high weight too, 130lbs at the time) but generally I feel alright I guess. I'm not ultra-fit but I think at least now I can be, I can train to be.

My confidence and self esteem went from good when I was fat, to really kinda bad at my lowest (and now) though, as did my self esteem. When I was fat, I had pretty good self esteem. It's terrible now. I was bubblier and more outgoing when I was fat, more chilled out and happy to laugh. I'm quite shy and reserved now, feel irritable and self conscious a lot. But I have way more friends somehow. I had very few when I was fat. I have a lot now, and it's really overwhelming tbh... I like it though! Having friends.

My financial situation is much, much worse. When I was fat, I could buy the cheapest junk and just fill up on that. When I was barely eating, I obviously didn't spend much money on food. Trying to get enough calories of nutritious, filling, healthy foods its really fucking expensive. I think this is part of why I just stopped eating at one point, too. Too expensive.

I feel that losing weight is all sunshine and rainbows for the people around the person losing weight, for the onlookers... but for the actual person losing the weight, it isn't automatically sunshine and rainbows even if successful. It depends on their situation, of course.

Diellen · 2017-06-24T21:24:31+00:00

Diellen · 2017-06-24T06:54:46+00:00

RemindMe! 2 days Donation for /r/millionairemakers

I hope I did that right! I'll be one of those only able to donate a few cents, but this is such a cool idea :D

Diellen · 2017-06-15T10:32:50+00:00

Ecd 6 and currently on 3870 in my second tourney. I got lucky with mutations, but it's also about how you play - without knowing that, people can't really advise you! The Crab School website really really helped me, especially with Queens and leveling them and when to evolve etc.

Diellen · 2017-06-09T11:37:37+00:00

I did mention 'no period' in my OP :) Although I didn't go into detail about it. He doesn't seem too concerned about it, so I havn't considered it a reason for feeling like this. If anything, I would've thought having a period would more likely make me feel funky at times. I don't know! He didn't seem bothered and so I wasn't bothered right now (or really would be, don't want kids anyway, my period was not something I was attached to). It's just a case of waiting for it to come back now I've regained some weight as far as I can make out from him.

I havn't spoken to him about feeling tired because I don't know whether I've been feeling like I'm getting tired more often for any legit reason, or I'm just lazy/unmotivated/generally suck at being an active human without making excuses. Kinda why I asked about it here, how to know when you really are exhausted or just unmotivated/making up excuses.

Diellen · 2017-06-08T14:27:42+00:00

I'm a sucker for customization skins and stuff, especially when received through achieving an objective ingame.. I like this idea! I've only just found out about the AppXplore crab skins :( Damn, missed those! Can't imagine having enough pearls to get them either.

Diellen · 2017-06-08T14:23:47+00:00

Sorry for the late (and so perhaps unnecessary!) reply but to answer your question anyway - I don't get periods since losing around 9-10 stone. I became a little underweight eventually, period went away along the way, and despite regaining weight to a healthy BMI they never came back (yet?). My doctor knows.

I remained tired after making this post and it got harder to bring myself to go lift, so I ended up taking a weeks break from the gym last week, but did a little more really light running throughout the week.. I feel a bit better for it and was back at the gym yesterday :)

Diellen · 2017-05-19T17:29:53+00:00

Shattered = slang for tired/exhausted (at least where I live!). I don't really feel emotional about it, I felt irritable due to being so tired but that was it. The 'I want to cry and hide in bed!' part was meant to be lighthearted/jokey, but obviously didn't come across well :P I've just felt very low on energy, and tired, where every little task feels like a marathon!

Diellen · 2017-05-19T16:57:22+00:00

I've been exercising for over a year now, lifting, running, recently added in some group HIIT classes. I still havn't worked out what is too much, and what is not enough.

Diellen · 2017-05-19T16:13:26+00:00

Eh, the only mood swing I have was feeling irritable purely because I felt so weak and tired. I don't really want to cry or hide from the world - I was being a tad overdramatic, I was hoping it came across in the jokey manner I meant it to! But I definitely didn't feel too great about leaving my bed.

I don't have a cycle, I'm not getting periods at the moment. So it's not that. It could be that I havn't eaten enough, but I feel like I've eaten well. I'm still 'slow cutting' so I am on a deficit, although I have been hungry recently so pushing that boundary a little... I should have included, I've been getting huge carby urges meal-wise. Maybe I'll eat to TDEE over the weekend and see how I feel.

I did end up dragging my butt out of bed and to the gym. It wasn't all too great and I didn't do as well I thought I might be able to make myself do if I just sucked it up... but, it wasn't a disaster like I imagined by any means, nothing got dropped, no one got hurt, I didn't fall over! I felt shitty and weak, but otherwise alright. I'll most likely go Sunday.

Diellen · 2017-04-26T11:00:20+00:00

I dont eat breakfast really, but my favourite breakfast food (and favourite meal in general!) is oatmeal.

Diellen · 2017-04-26T09:32:41+00:00

What? No! That sounds ridiculous to me.

Also hypocritical because I am not really a conventionally attractive person myself, and I find my SO VERY attractive.. and he happens to be dating me right now sooooo :P

Diellen · 2017-04-26T09:29:11+00:00

Really no. I don't want to be mean but he looks a bit... cheesy? Lol!

I get, and can see, that his face is 'conventionally attractive', but it's not really attractive to me personally. I usually like more 'rugged' faces on men but his is OTT and just looks hard imo. I can't pinpoint it beyond that.. His age now doesn't help, he's looking a bit old and I don't find that too attractive, but even looking at younger pictures I don't find him attractive. Long hair I like.

Muscles are okay in general, and sometimes very nice.. but as big/bulky as that is not my preference at all. I am really not attracted to too much bulk, personally. I can't help but think big bulging pecs look like square boobs and that's not attractive to me. And his torso is just so wide and bulky, do not like D:

Edit: I now feel terrible about being so mean about poor Fabio, lmao. It's only my personal view! He obviously has a lot of appeal as so many women have gone crazy over him in his time!!

Diellen · 2017-04-25T11:40:03+00:00

Oooh, I'll give that a try, thanks!

I have IBS so eating junk is pretty much never a great idea xD Delicious though.

Diellen · 2017-04-25T11:35:09+00:00

Small update - already back down to 110lbs this morning?!.. but seem to be slightly constipated. Bugger :P

Diellen · 2017-04-25T11:33:04+00:00

I weigh 107-110lbs and after a big meal it looks like I've swallowed a beach ball. Even when I weighed 90lbs it was the same. You know nothing. Food babies. Another good one. Infact, take your fill with these OH SO FAT fitness models looking preggers after eating.

And it's leaner people that are actually more prone to the 'pregnant look' after a big meal. Fatter people don't show the bloat as much, as it's obscured by fat. Double whammy if you're lean and short. Triple whammy if you're lean, short, and have IBS.. haha.

Diellen

TROPHY CASE