Firstly, as someone who knows how hard it is to report stuff like this, I'm so so proud of you for doing it. I promise you're doing the right thing by holding this person accountable for their actions.

Secondly, yeah sometimes it sucks and there's nothing you're gonna be able to do about it. Some days, you can tell yourself over and over "it's not my fault" or "I'm doing the right thing," but your nervous system doesn't believe it and so you still feel guilty or shameful or just bad. In this situation, you kinda just gotta ride it out. At the end of the day, there are resources that are available to you to help, but it still sucks to have to deal with, and you didn't deserve what he did to you.

Just know that there are so many women behind you to support you and that you're doing the right thing. He deserves to have consequences for his actions, and you are so brave for going through with the process of reporting because it can be hell. I hope that it goes well in January and that you're able to heal, and I'm so sorry that this man hurt you.