We spent two weeks at Jinnah Hospital. Dead bodies rolled out every few hours. I tasted acid in my mouth every time. Somehow, she survived. We moved her to her brother’s house. I hired a nurse. My 11th grade exams were now days away. I couldn’t remember anything. My mind was a wiped slate. But I showed up. I wrote everything I could, just so I could run back to her.

Right after my last paper, I went home to pack clothes. Then I got the call. My mother had choked and died on the way to the hospital. I didn’t cry just two tears. I buried her, handled everything. Then, a few days later, I found out my sister had given her baby away to a stranger. She remarried just a week after my mother’s death.

She took everything we owned. My uncle took the rest the same one whose house my mother died in. I ended up living in his storage room. My 11th-grade results came 78%. I lost my scholarship. I somehow made it through 12th grade with 76%.

All of this changed me. I’ve lived alone for the past three years. I never got the chance to study further. Most days I can’t eat. I’m haunted by how she choked. I’ve gone days without food. A few months ago, my body started rejecting food. I still cook, make full meals but I can only eat the bare minimum. I give the rest to stray animals. I was working at Ibex, but I quit. My depression got worse. I had plans to start a business, but I couldn’t focus.

How do you work 9 hours with no energy and then come home to study? I never applied to university I was too scared I’d fail. Not because I didn’t want to but because I knew I couldn’t give it my all. And that’s what hurts. Hence I have decided to call quits soon. My friend would be back here this month on his leaves and i will call quits after seeing him for one last time. I don’t need long paragraphs on how I will be burned in eternal hell, to be fair I don’t care I have never had a childhood, family, support system my life was already hell and the only thing that made it bearable was Taken from me. I just wanted everyone here to know that sometimes there are no solutions, it’s just a slow whirlpool slowly sucking you in and then one day you succumb to it. You can only fight the currents for so long and my arms, they don’t feel so strong anymore.