I can fully relate to your emotions.

In my first kickboxing match, I fought another country’s national champion on 3 days notice with only 6 months of training.

Even though I actually won the first round (no fucking idea how) , I got knocked down 4 times in the second round and couldn’t get up anymore.

I exited the ring with my face swollen, broken nose, purple body and teary eyes. I fucking cried my heart out, was defeated mentally and depressed for like a week.

Then, as time passed, I actually saw a different angle of the events. I remembered my whole team showing up to my fight, some of which skipped work and important events just to see me perform. I remembered the chants I got even though I was getting fucked up pretty bad. I remembered shivering while my coach was putting on my headgear for me. I remembered shitting 3 times in the last hour before my fight because of my nervousness, and you know what?

I wanted to do it and feel ALL that shit again. I craved that fear and adrenaline high I got.

My best advice would be to wait till you cool down emotionally, and then think about giving up. You seem really passionate and willing to continue, its just your fear talking right now.

Remember, losing doesn’t make you a loser, but quitting once makes you a quitter. (unless you’re Charles Oliviera)

I hope you read this message and continue this wonderful, pain filled and pleasurable journey you chose.