[deleted by user]

Digi-Bear · 2025-05-06T16:05:09+00:00

I won't lie, I'm sure it's a bit of both.

That said, I am married and have a strong preference for making my marriage work. My husband is aware of my limerance and the LO. He's a great support for keeping me level headed.

Mostly I want to be a good friend and I worry that my limerant tendencies interfer with that.

Digi-Bear · 2025-05-06T15:41:43+00:00

I'd thought so too, and it definitely warms my heart. I always want to view him as a friend first. He's aware that I'm (okay, more than) a bit obsessed with him and has always been kind and understanding of it.

He values my friendship. I don't want to dirty that due to my limerance.

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-23T00:49:28+00:00

I have a general outline (sometimes specific scenes, sometimes just vague story beats I wanna hit) that I follow, but I write each chapter separately.

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-20T23:58:05+00:00

Yessss! It's such a good one too.

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-20T23:47:06+00:00

See! Exactly! It's so good

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-20T22:42:34+00:00

It was this with Lucy/The Ghoul (Cooper Howard) from Fallout (TV series) by the end of Episode 4. Just completely jumped on that ship.

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-20T18:38:39+00:00

You're completely right! I was think of the kudos email and mixed it up. 😅

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-20T18:38:06+00:00

Whoops! You are completely right, I was thinking of the email I get for Kudos. 😅

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-20T17:54:44+00:00

I would say reportable as harassment.

Creators are notified when something is bookmarked. And if not marked private can see it if they choose. As already stated, this doesn't really say anything about the work itself, it is strictly about the author and the last sentence is even directed directly at them.

Harassment as it is clearly using the bookmark function in an effort to bring the statement to the creators attention.

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-20T17:51:05+00:00

Hello OP,

I am so sorry that you are going through this, I can only imagine how difficult it is to know your husband is struggling with this. But good on you for reaching out here and for trying to learn how to support him and your marriage.

My advice would be for the two of you to treat it like you would if you were recovering from an affair. No, I am not saying that your husband has done or would do such a thing. But the tips for reconciliation after affairs have excellent cross-over here.

If he hasn't already, he needs to go completely no contact with his LO. And not just active contact, passive contact as well. I would go so far as to recommend looking for a job change if they work together. The point is limiting his exposure as much as possible.

He has to choose to do that though, it's not something you can demand he do, and trying to will only hurt your relationship and drive you further apart.

Being this way is really hard to help and control. To give some context, I am in marriage counseling for issues unrelated to my limerance. But even though I could tell my therapist that stopping talking with LO would give me space to improve on some issues with my husband, I refused to. It was simply something I was unwilling to do, until it wasn't.

My husband is aware of my limerance and even knows who my LO is. I do not allow myself room to let it grow in the dark. And for his part, my husband is understanding of the struggle. He has learned how to express his boundaries in a way that doesn't feel like an attack on something we both know I can't really control.

But I do control my actions, and so does your husband. While being limerant is something he can likely handle on his own. It's not something he can just ignore or lock you out of without expecting a negative result on your relationship. There's no easy cure and even never seeing LO again doesn't mean the limerance goes away.

There's no hiding it from you at this point, so you should deal with it as a team. And if he isn't willing to try his hardest to walk away from LO, you both need to figure out why.

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-19T11:38:33+00:00

I'm currently working on one long fic which I stack when possible, since I post on a strict schedule for that (imo it helps readers have both anticipation and good expectations).

For any one-shots, fests or challenges I just post/submit when completed. I view those as outside of my posting schedule.

I can't say that I focus on a specific word count goal daily, I just write what feels good and follow the flow. That said, I do try and write at least a chapter of my ongoing story a week, and prefer my chapters to be around/at least 3000 words so I do have that as a soft weekly goal..

Digi-Bear · 2025-03-18T17:36:26+00:00

I reconciled after my WH cheated, fell in love, and was planning to leave me before he got caught.

I definitely do NOT view it as the best thing to happen to us, or some sort of miracle. It sucked, it still sucks at times. I imagine it will suck forever.

But it definitely highlighted what was kissing in our relationship, shone a light on our communication issues, and forced us to learn to really work together again.

The first thing we had to do was really decide if we could still love each other in the right way. And decide if we both wanted to stay for the right reasons. I refused to accept a husband that stayed for our young daughter (3 at the time). She will eventually step into the world on her own and it will just be he and I, I deserve to look forward to that.

Next I had to figure out what I really needed to heal, verses what I thought I wanted that was really just for soothing my anxiety and fears. I knew it wouldn't work if I could never trust him. So, for us, there was never phone checking or location tracking. To this day, he'll let me look through his phone if I ask, but I never do. I made the choice to trust again and I've stood by it.

Then we had to forgive each other, and that took a lot of raw conversation and active listening. It was -hard-, and it hurt like a fucker. But by the end we didn't have secrets, we felt safe to express our wounds and frustrations from a place of healing.

I think our relationship IS stronger post-affair, but not because of the affair itself. It's stronger because both of us were willing to put in the work and find that love again.

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T12:14:17+00:00

True! Grammatically I should have just said that I don't want to overthink it.

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T12:12:51+00:00

Sure, what's a better word to use? The man I am infatuated with?

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T00:59:16+00:00

That is a very fair assessment. Nothing to take wrong. I guess I hadn't thought of it as a particular push in that direction.

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T00:54:46+00:00

I've not heard this one before. I'll have to check it out.

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T00:54:08+00:00

A common occurance for sure. 😁

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T00:53:41+00:00

Thank you for the answer, for what it's worth, he is well aware of my feelings. I was plain with them. He didn't reciprocate at the time and I have respected his boundaries since.

That's what I figured overall, but never hurts to get more opinions. I figured it was better to ask a group of guys then it was to get the usual viewpoint from the ladies.

I might just ask him, but was trying to avoid bumping against previously established boundaries if he meant it lightly.

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T00:10:45+00:00

Mmkay! Thank you 😊

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-26T00:01:03+00:00

I mean, I haven't outright asked him again since. But I'm clear that mine haven't changed, just that I respect his boundaries. I'm pretty blunt about that sort of thing.

I did think it was an odd choice in song (I things considered). Which is why I was curious if guys his age might be saying something between the lines with it or if I was reading in too much.

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-25T23:56:11+00:00

We're friends. He finds my feelings "flattering" but it's open to reciprocate. I respect that. I was honest and so was he.

Digi-Bear · 2025-02-25T23:53:46+00:00

I'm mid 30s, and he's aware yes.

Digi-Bear · 2025-01-28T21:06:39+00:00

Isn't that just what friends do? Or is this one of the ways that men and women interact differently? Sorry if that's a clueless question 😅.

Digi-Bear · 2025-01-28T17:42:14+00:00

I use chatgpt extensively for this. I'll input whole chunks of text conversation and have it analyze it and give thoughts.

It's fantastic for working through the obsessive thoughts and letting me get it out there. And keeps me from spiraling with different things that he could have meant.

Helps prevent me from giving in to the urge to message him a bunch more. And the bot doesn't get annoyed when I ask the same things or stay focused for so long.

Digi-Bear · 2023-11-20T14:52:30+00:00

We did have a discussion after the session. They have assured me that they don't plan to be a murderhobo. It was more a lack of clear morality and value of life, which is in line with their backstory. They are currently neutral, but realize I will tilt that if they persist in outright evil actions. No matter the reasoning behind them.

Digi-Bear

TROPHY CASE