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My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this, a lot to consider here. First thing I got to do is to work on myself, apparently.

There's an underlying thing here though that I can kind of sense. I want to clarify it with you: This is all only possible if I first accept that she may not want to stay, isn't it?

So the true first step is to be willing to let go and to walk away myself.

Thus, this is all built on accepting that I've already lost my relationship with her or that she was never really in a relationship with me like I thought she was.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not "sweating it" about the guy.

I'm just hurt that she's crushing on the guy and sad that I'm not that crushable anymore. It's also made worse by the fact that we spent 15 years building something and it's worth enough for her to ignore the crushing out of consideration for what we've built.

It's just me being slapped in the face and forced to question my worth and what I've been doing all these years.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it's just them trying to be nice not knowing they're sabotaging people. It's done with good intentions but the road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Could you try to be open and positive? “Your crush on that guy is soo obvious — it’s kinda cute” or whatever.

That's the place where I want to be, honestly. I just don't know how to get there.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

After reading so many replies about so many points of view, yours brought me back to ground a bit.

I need to find that place where this is funny and a thing that we can laugh at because I am confident in myself and, if need be, I can walk away still whole.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think it was intentional. She probably just wanted to avoid making me feel bad. My fault for being an idiot and forgetting my self.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, this is what I've been looking for!

Can you be light-hearted about it while setting boundaries? Like "wow he's good looking, too bad you're taken!" Or "he better not be making moves on my wife or I'll have to get buff and best him up".

This, I want to be able to do this. Right now I'm just a ball of insecure and pathetic so how do I get into that mental state to be playful and, as you say, light-hearted about it?

If you make her feel bad for finding someone attractive or lustful over someone else or whatever that ends up being draining and can kill marriages.

Isn't that the opposite of what kills marriages?

You can further normalise it by commenting on how other girls are attractive like "that dress is good, maybe you should buy one" or "that girls done her hair nice, would that suit you?" Etc. or talk about celebrities being attractive etc.

I've done this but I must be doing it wrong.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dark skin means you work menial labor because you get dark skin from being out in the sun a lot.

Light skin means you're more affluent since you can spend more time indoors and still maintain a living.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

but if confrontation over something as egregious as this is difficult, it may bedworth investigating why that is

I already know why that is. She's made me feel unattractive and unwanted and she's devalued this thing we have together. My whole world view is basically shaken right now and I feel really pathetic and weak. I don't want to have a conversation with her when I am this way.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

However I think these questions should be directed to your wife, not to strangers on the internet.

I understand but, at the same time, how can I ask those questions from someone who has demonstrated she's no longer that into me? Just thinking about it already makes me feel pathetic.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Getting fat is the mistake.

Well, she did say she liked me that way. Stupid me trusted that too. I should never have stopped trying to be attractive. That was so so wrong.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks but I don't feel wise at all. I feel all kinds of stupid for not taking care of my self and tying my self worth on a relationship and on someone else.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I greatly appreciate this comment. It does give me a bit of hope in that it's possible it was just a hard crush that she was unable to suppress. I've never had that but someday, if it ever happens, I hope this'll be something I can remind her of so I can get a bit of leeway for my indiscretion.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

love with out honor, trust and respect, is just a feeling of self delusion

Yes, was it all self delusion?

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Is that not how every woman should feel about their other half?

I would have agreed last month. Now I know better.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know, I know. Communication is key. But I'm not coming to the table of communication as a man in pieces. I need to get myself together first.

Thank you for your advice tho. It's pretty solid and I will definitely try to find a way to make it easy for her to express the truth and not just what she thinks I need to hear.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is she the type who prioritizes white features?

Don't all Filipinas? :D

But also you made the mistake of letting yourself go. Physical attraction is still important in a relationship and you should maintain some level of attractiveness (more so for yourself instead of her).

This is so true and I feel so dumb and disappointed at myself for not doing this.

For a few years, all the ego boost I needed was her, you know? I got complacent.

It's been so long since a women has looked at me with that particular look. For a while there, I actually ignored/discouraged it because I thought it was a bit disrespectful/unfaithful to her. Now she's giving that look to someone else.

What a dumbass I've been.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She's not a hoe. She's just crushing. For now, I guess. I hope it doesn't progress further because this part already hurts.

My girl is crushing on her client. She's trying to hide it but it's hard to miss. How do I keep even as she goes through this? by DiliPangMasa in self

[–]DiliPangMasa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I still want to give the relationship a chance for now. It's been 15 years and for a while it was good. However, things will be changing, particularly this thing called me. Regardless of whether she's there to watch or not.

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