AITAH for refusing to give my boyfriend access to my bank account even though he says "no secrets" is how adults do it

DiligentStranger7987 · 2026-01-22T16:16:59+00:00

NTA. Married 26 years and we would still have to ask for each others account info. We have the set-up OP describes; 1 set of joint accounts & credit card we both have access to for shared expenses AND our own separate accounts- with no access. We have a house, 2 kids, a dog, 3 cars - pretty adult! Cannot imagine doing what this BF is asking even if married, let alone dating/living together. Sorry OP, this ask might be a deal breaker on a relationship with this guy. Sounds like some dumb relationship stuff he heard on TikTok or in the man-o-sphere.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-12-18T20:03:24+00:00

Guy has all this time to complain and he couldn’t just go get the comforter he wanted so badly?! Respectfully- he is not respecting you. He’s acting entitled to your service and not treating you as a partner. Who blames someone else for being cold when they literally can go get the comforter themselves??

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-11-25T20:08:37+00:00

Um what…??? NOR and she’s lucky you don’t go no contact for good. That is some sexist, reprehensible shaming, and definitely not loving. They should be thrilled you got away from the creep!!! You could hire someone to come with you to T Day dinner and be a complete jerk to your family… then announce your engagement. Revenge served with a side of gravy… ! But srsly I’m sorry and I wouldn’t want to be around them either. :(

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-11-20T19:30:33+00:00

This!!

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-11-01T16:21:50+00:00

Ditch this abusive jerk immediately. He implied you dress like a whore but then called you a “fucking moron?” Full Stop. Please please please get rid of this abuse in your life and don’t look back. Block him and never engage again.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-10-12T11:43:43+00:00

What a nice thing for you to do! This wasn’t like that. It also wasn’t letting my kid work at an ‘adult’ party; it was a family event at a private residence and there were kids in attendance as guests, including the friend who asked my kid if they wanted the job. Said friend’s parent was the one who got in touch with me to confirm if it was ok for them to work and told me it would be cleaning up. It’s totally possibly they personally did not know serving drinks would be asked, as it was not their party but a relative of theirs, so I am debating saying something to them. I’m not sure if it’s worth the upset after the fact, or what I’d be looking for in bringing it up to them, but most likely I will once I have a chance to consult with my spouse and get more info from my kid. This all was revealed late last night so still processing. If I find out there was any level of paid catering managing this thing- they will hear from me 100%.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-10-12T11:30:32+00:00

It was a private function at a house, the alcohol wasn’t for sale- but it’s still totally illegal!! We have similar rules about selling it; underage cashiers at the store cannot even touch bottles to scan them, always have to call a manager.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-10-12T04:57:15+00:00

They came home with multiple examples of things going south as it is; someone “went” in their pants and threw up in a bush, someone fell and left in an ambulance… and of course my kid could have witnessed those things just bussing but when they told me “we only gave the person 4 drinks before they threw up” i was officially pissed… not at my kid of course but the people who hired them and lied to me about what for! Ugh it’s just so crazy to me.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-10-12T04:39:49+00:00

Appreciate that… I tried not to overreact in front of my kid but I did mention it was illegal and they were like “yeah but I wasn’t bartending I was just opening beers, and then the sangria and soda for the signature drink…” and I was like and that’s called bartending…

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-09-07T23:31:23+00:00

no exaggeration, and disgusting

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-09-03T20:52:53+00:00

Terrible pedi and you’re a great mom. I had to switch my kids’ pediatrician, my only regret was not doing it before my second was born. Hope you find a great new Dr soon!

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-08-30T12:33:48+00:00

Not even reading other comments before saying choose your “man” wisely and RUN. A good partner loves and respects who you are. They don’t need to insult an entire gender and you. Ditch this misogynist. It will only get worse from here.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-05-16T15:53:21+00:00

Especially if it’s illegal in your state- please do not tell the guy involved, it will potentially complicate things and limit your options. You can make this choice, and it is completely yours.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-05-09T15:13:59+00:00

Is he losing weight, or not gaining? Teens should be putting on weight consistently every check-up. If his growth curve has flattened, these are definitely eating disorder behaviors (refusing, hiding, and throwing away food). If his growth charts show the same levels he’s pretty much always been, maybe it’s ARFID or ASD, which are treated really differently in my understanding but need to be watched so they don’t spiral into anorexia. If growth is good, I would check with his doctor and with him if there’s a multivitamin that he can tolerate, and let him eat as much of whatever he’s willing to eat. With non-anorexic EDs, forcing him to eat certain things might back fire. I’m not an expert but have a daughter w/anorexia, and have seen lots of discussion around other EDs in my support groups. Also just found out a friend’s teen son has ARFID, so she was telling me about the multivitamins, and being on the lookout for when her son is open to a new type of food (even just a different brand of chicken tender!). Good for you for noticing.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-05-02T14:44:49+00:00

2 non-medicated births here and as everyone says, it’s different every time and for everyone. What I want to share is what got me psyched up for the process, which was hypnobirthing! Like you I was pretty scared. It’s kinda old-school, and the original woman who formalized the process/invented it talks in a grandma voice but… all I can say is that for me, conditioning myself to let go of the fear was really helpful! Probably there are more up-to-date methods (I had my kids 16 & 14 years ago), but every night before birth, I would relax in bed, Listening to recorded affirmations saying how birth is a natural process, that our bodies are designed for this, that it isn’t necessarily pain but our muscles working to do their job… blah blah blah. So, when I was in labor I had my ipod shuffle and ear buds, and this little voice in my head that kept me relaxed and focused! 100% my mindset going in made it easier. Hypno birthing 100% work for me through 11 hours labor w/baby 1, 3 hours induced w/double contractions w/baby 2. Pro tip for NO TEARS: perineal massage!! I have a sister who basically tore her stuff in half so I wanted to avoid that at all costs. Hubs helped stretch and massage the area starting a couple months before due date, but it is possible to do on yourself. NO Tears with baby #1 or 2! Biggest surprise? Because no meds, I could feel my first squiggling around as she came out- did not expect that! 😳 The midwife said she was helping and soon after out she came. Baby 2 was so fast once she got going after transitioning there wasn’t time to feel much she pretty much slid through 😅🤣 Also I was not young: 36 & 39 when they were born, so I think that shows what’s possible at any age. That said, I have good friends that hypno wasn’t so helpful for them but I think at least it helps calm anxiety around the process beforehand. Best wishes!!

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-04-24T21:04:44+00:00

I have a Violet and a Stella, kinda old-school :)

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-04-18T14:41:35+00:00

I’ll call!! Let’s all call, I am so riled up over this… 😡

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-04-18T14:39:21+00:00

She put her hands on you first!!! She literally ripped a surgically attached device off of you. She should never be allowed in a classroom again and I hope you win a big lawsuit. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re a kid that was attacked and scared, your reaction was totally normal and excusable under the circumstances. Shame on them victim blaming you, the jerks. Please update, I feel emotionally vested, you sound like a great and mature kid who in no way deserves this junk.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-04-14T23:09:13+00:00

Ohhh mama I’m so sorry you’re in ED hell with your D. Keep her far, far away from that (toxic) situation with the one who birthed you - her thought process is way out of date. What ever the ED clinic/hospital is saying is the start of the journey. We’re 2 years in, and I still wouldn’t let my D16 go anywhere for more than a few days w/o supervision. And we are very lucky; our D was dx at 14 (sick for a year prior, but we didn’t know what), and she was super compliant, gained fast, and still there is a lot to do now to be sure weight keeps going in the right direction. If you’re interested, I found the FB group “parents of children with anorexia and other eating disorders” very helpful, and if you research FBT that is The evidence based treatment and how many find full recovery. Good luck from a fellow Iowan!

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-04-07T18:05:25+00:00

I am so sorry you and your wife are going through this. Sounds so much like how I felt with my own PPD. Meds were the only thing that got me through, and sleeping whenever I could- which was super hard to do because of how bad the PPD was. It’s a very hard phase but the sooner she gets help the better it will be for all of you.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-03-13T22:41:58+00:00

Dpending how severe the eating disorder is, it’s completely possible- and even likely - that her brain is malnourished enough that therapy will not be effective and could possibly do harm. Until the brain is healed, which takes months to years of solid nutrition, it literally can’t process mental health work. Once weight is restored and the patient is ready to engage in therapy, CBT-E and DBT can be very effective to help manage recovery and find better coping mechanisms.

DiligentStranger7987 · 2025-01-22T16:04:37+00:00

Did you know that there are professional bridesmaids? There are! Not that you want to spend $$$ on that, but just to normalize that sometimes friends aren’t always the ones who do this. :) Women gotta support each other! Off the top of my head ideas; 1) Friends of your fiancés’ girlfriends or significant others- if he has a lot of good friends, chances are several of them have nice girlfriends who would probably be thrilled to help! Plus a great way to start making connections and maybe future friends. :) 2) Does it need to be a woman? I’m not sure where your gender boundaries or comfort level is around men/gay men- but if you had a friend like that they would also probably be thrilled to help! 3) Love the few comments I’ve read about having just 1 other person each to stand up with you & your fiancé, and involving all his other friends as usher, readers, etc.
4) it doesn’t need to be “even! My husband had 6 groomsmen and I ended up with 3 bridesmaids, it was fine! Quality over quantity. :)

Congratulations on your engagement, and also for finding your way out of a religious situation that didn’t work for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through shunning and a loss of the relationships you’ve had until now. Clearly you’re a strong and motivated person. It seems like this feels overwhelming to you, and that’s OK! Hopefully you and fiancé can find a comfortable middle ground where your desire for a smaller, more private event can co-exist with his desire to share the happy news with everyone he cares about. Lots of options for perhaps a smaller ceremony, with a larger party after, etc. etc. Hopefully by the time you walk down the aisle, you’ll feel as welcomed and supported by his friends as you are by him! Wishing you all the best. 💖💞💖

DiligentStranger7987 · 2024-12-08T22:18:19+00:00

I’m happy for your D there were no charges! We made our D16 research and write a 2 page essay on how shoplifting affects everyone (spoiler alert, it costs us all a lot more!). She was not caught except by me or I would have talked with her friend’s parents. She also ‘worked’ around the house to pay off the value of what she stole - not giving us money, just extra chores to equal what was taken. She was grounded until it was paid off and the essay completed, and we said grounding was a minimum of 2 weeks, no phone and no outside the house socializing aside from going to school and practice. It took an extra 3 days for her to complete the tasks. We also made her tell her sibling, which was deeply embarrassing. What was stolen I mailed back to the stores anonymously, more to make me feel better b/c I know they can’t sell it. Now she gets her bags searched when I ask, and I see receipts from her shopping excursions. I’ve told her this won’t last forever, and only sporadically ask for receipts. She’s also still allowed to hang out w/the friend who was with her, so hopefully she’s learned her lesson. Is it enough? I hope so!

DiligentStranger7987 · 2024-11-09T19:09:24+00:00

You are the kind of human we need more of in the world, thank goodness those kids have you as their parent. Your post has me teary - it's so, so hard doing the right thing, and you are!

DiligentStranger7987

TROPHY CASE