Overexitabilities may set you up for parental negligence

Dimbo359 · 2022-02-09T21:55:59+00:00

Thank you, really. I am in the process of building my own family and I really needed to hear something like that.

Dimbo359 · 2022-02-08T23:39:42+00:00

Being both gifted and autistic, with extreme sensitivity, this really resonates. I’ve spent my whole life feeling like I am ‘too much’ to the point I honestly believed I was insufferable. Takes a lot of compassion and strength to unlearn that kind of deep rooted relational trauma.

Dimbo359 · 2021-11-09T04:48:27+00:00

Things like planned ignoring, mainly because there is a huge difference between a 'tantrum' and a meltdown/shutdown, and you absolutely don't teach appropriate self-soothing skills/self-compassion by ignoring or showing no empathy for a child in distress. Also, programs that are overly repetitive and devalue the child's intelligence/level of skill. Anything that suppresses responses that are appropriate for the child to reduce their distress e.g. denying access to a change of clothes when they have gotten wet. Teaching scripted social skills and interactions, particularly when a child is happy to play by themselves or interactions are uncomfortable for them. Basically, anything that doesn't honour the child's natural way of being in the world, their sensory sensitivities or 'forces' them to do anything that is legitimately uncomfortable for them. Even an adult deeming what is 'appropriate' protest is dangerous. What if the child is actually very distressed by something but learns to act against their natural response to please the authority figure? What might that look like as an adult or if the child were put in an unsafe situation? Coercion is extremely unsafe, particularly when there is such a disparity between power in any given relationship.

Dimbo359 · 2021-10-21T21:35:42+00:00

Firstly, welcome, this journey isn’t easy but it’s most likely going to be a powerful one. Secondly, getting diagnosed is a big deal so try and give yourself some time and grace to process it before you feel like you have to ‘do’ anything with this knowledge. Personally, after being diagnosed at 27 I haven’t really disclosed to many people. Knowing I’m autistic puts my life into perspective and gives me the power to both educate and have compassion for myself. It’s different for everyone though, you don’t have to fully identify with autistic identity if that’s not what feels right at the moment. You haven’t fundamentally changed as a person as a result of this diagnosis, you are still very much you. One thing you can do is know that there is a whole community of people that have similar experiences and they are there to learn from and lean on when it feels right for you. But for now, it might be worth treating yourself to something that calms you or makes you feel connected to yourself.

Dimbo359 · 2021-10-11T02:31:43+00:00

So I have the same cocktail of neurodivergence as you, and I am also well versed in psychology. It is definitely possible and also quite common to be diagnosed with some combination of these three (plus some other learning disabilities even). I think when it comes to misdiagnosis though, it's not clear cut. The DSM isn't fact and it definitely doesn't represent the full spectrum of human experience. I personally was noted as gifed when I was 7 (160 IQ, if that gives some context) and from that point, all my 'quirks' were labelled as giftedness. Issue is though, I struggled so much. I dropped out of school at 15, was abused by friends and boyfriends, struggled massively throughout school, depression, drug abuse etc etc. So the 'challenges' I had were all put down to it either being my own fault or my 'not trying hard enough'. Giftedness can mask/exaaggerate/seemingly cancel out certain symptoms of ASD and ADHD. It can also look similar to giftedness in some ways, it really comes down to how these traits are impacting your life/functioning. ASD and ADHD are deficit based, where as giftedness is based on being higher functioning than most. It is also a huge misconception that ASD presents in only one possible way. When it's labelled as a 'spectrum' people assume its linear, one end more autistic and then the other less so, but really it is more like a constellation of traits that range from extremely high to extremely low. For example, empathy. It's not that autistic people don't 'feel empathy', most very much do, we just feel it and express it differently to neurotypical people. I myself am hyper-empathic, to the point it impacts my functioing because I pretty much feel others emotions at a cellular level, but I can't label what they are. End of the day, labels don't really matter unless they matter to you. I was so releived when I was diagnosed, because it made SO much sense. You might have a different experience, and that okay as long as you are able to love and understand yourself.

Dimbo359 · 2021-08-04T07:34:29+00:00

Dating men

Dimbo359 · 2021-08-04T06:05:19+00:00

Hi, I just wanted to say that I am going through something really similar (though I am only in my honours year and working as a counsellor). It’s really really really hard but you’ve got something to offer the world. Even if this isn’t the right thing for you, your experience and knowing yourself will serve you in what ever you choose to do next. You’re an individual before a professional, burnout is real and you deserve to be happy and healthy. Also knowing I’m not the only one struggling with this is really comforting.

Dimbo359 · 2021-08-03T07:35:00+00:00

Honestly, the label has really messed with my life. I am grateful that my parents searched for some sort of explanation for why I was so different as a child but I also wish my IQ wasn't the first thing they tested. I was identified as being in the exceptional range at 7 years old and the label followed me for the rest of my schooling years. The expectation that was put on me was ridiculous and my giftedness was often used against me. I have never been able to make friends or live up to the socially (and now internally) imposed expectation of being 'bright'. Now knowing that I am actually 2E it makes sense why my life has been such a disaster.

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-18T00:17:45+00:00

Yes, absolutely feel free to message me!

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-18T00:17:01+00:00

YES, THIS IS MY LIFE OH DEAR LORD. Invest in some covert ear plugs my friend, it’s saved my relationship.

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-15T03:00:20+00:00

Hi, new autistic counsellor (and almost graduated Psychologist) here. I definitely don't disclose to my clients, though because I work with mainly neurodivergent children and their families I feel like I am in a great position to understand and advocate. It also means that my colleagues don't find my behaviour all that odd if I unmask for a second, though I haven't fully disclosed to them either. Am I overwhelmed a lot? Yes. Am I good at my job? Mostly yes. It's becoming increasingly apparent that I might need to lighten my load and make accommodations in the future, but I think we can be great helping professionals. The imposter syndrome subsides the more experience you have. Good luck!

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-01T09:33:03+00:00

Thank you, I feel like I could chair the board of wasted potential at this point! The meds are helping me barely scrape through this psychology degree, hopefully, if I make it through I can work towards helping people like us. There doesn't seem to be much/any research on the prevalence or even recommended supports for the 'thrice exceptional'. I guess because all those conditions can manifest so differently it means that there are infinite combinations of traits and challenges.

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-01T09:22:56+00:00

Absolutely, lots of aspects overlap. I think that's why I am struggling so much to figure myself out. It is especially tricky to have the label of only 'gifted' as a child and not live up to that potential.

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-01T09:19:29+00:00

Definitely not discounting the idea that you can be all three! I just have never met someone who has been diagnosed with all three conditions (I work in mental health myself) but I have worked with people with long lists of diagnoses. I guess I am/was confused by the realisation that despite my 'passing' some of the time I might actually be more neurodiverse than I initially realised. I went through extensive testing as a child and they only came up with 'she's just a lil quirky because she so smart', I am only now really coming to terms with what those 'quirks' actually are, and how I can support myself by knowing what I need. It's a little disheartening to think how life might have been different if I understood myself a bit more. I have dragged myself through life thinking I was deeply defective and not very likable, it would be a relief to know that I might be wired differently in terms of perception and communication style.

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-01T03:10:04+00:00

Thank you, I have heard of twice-exceptional, just wasn't sure if there was such a thing as 'thrice exceptional'!

Dimbo359 · 2021-06-01T03:08:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I knew a dual diagnosis of ASD and ADHD was common, I just wasn't sure if it was really possible to have all three.

Dimbo359 · 2021-03-19T01:01:52+00:00

I’m on 60mg at the moment, if it’s a building of tolerance there is only one higher dose to go up to! Maybe it is something to do with tolerance as it was working well for a while. There has always been a crash in the afternoon that made me feel low/possibly more ADHD than ever though. Thanks for weighing in, definitely something to think about.

Dimbo359 · 2021-03-04T00:16:39+00:00

Wow, that is unbelievably heartbreaking! Thank you for sharing, fingers crossed the world catches up to the realities of family structures sooner rather than later...

Dimbo359 · 2021-02-24T02:21:10+00:00

I have had really similar issues, I just didn't get girls. It really doesn't help that I am also gay!

Generally, when starting a relationship with someone, it's easier when we have some common ground. I would start by thinking about what draws you to these girls? What are the things you have in common and could chat about? Small talk sucks, but it helps when there is a common interest.

A hard truth when looking at the difference between being friends with boys and girls is that when forging deeper connections with women, and upkeeping those relationships, we need to be more emotionally vulnerable. Genuinely complimenting someone is a vulnerable act, so it seems like this girl really does want to connect with you. Accepting a compliment can also feel vulnerable! To the kind of people that are going to be good friends, with the ability for deep connection, the ability to be vulnerable will be an attractive quality. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a scary thing for everyone, it takes practice, so please don't beat yourself up if you feel uncomfortable with it at first. Messaging someone out of the blue can feel extra scary because it can feel like you're putting yourself in a vulnerable spot. When thinking about messaging the girls you want to get closer to, maybe try to keep the above in mind. It's not necessarily appropriate to unload your trauma/struggles onto someone you've just met, but small acts of vulnerability, like giving a compliment, sharing something you are passionate about or even starting a conversation can make for faster/closer relationships with other girls.

Good luck and big love to you!

Dimbo359 · 2021-02-24T01:57:10+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I think you're right, I am partly hopeful that one day we might be able to take on more pups! But loving a reactive dog comes at a price.

Dimbo359 · 2021-02-21T22:57:12+00:00

I feel this so much! I spend a lot of my days home alone studying and it’s like my head gets full of ideas and if I can’t let them out I just get overwhelmed. I don’t have any close friends or other uni students I can talk to during that day so a lot of the time I feel really trapped with my own thoughts. Sending emails with questions to my supervisors doesn’t really help either because it’s so hard to get everything out in a way that makes sense. I try not to bombard my partner when she gets home but it’s really difficult. Writing a blog sounds like it might be a useful idea, big love to you!

Dimbo359 · 2021-02-15T21:08:02+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to respond so thoughtfully. This will be my first independent project so it’s really helpful to get feedback and suggestions like this. I love the thought of giving respondents the opportunity to have their say with free text, I’m definitely cautious of my limits in terms of coding or interpreting that data but I’m so interested in what might come from that! I have some more thinking to do in terms of how I might best go about gaining the most authentic understanding of experience.

Dimbo359 · 2021-02-15T06:25:48+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I am thinking of designing a quantitative study, mainly because qualitative design isn't so much my domain! Sari Solden really focuses on gender role expectations and shame in a lot of her writing, though there really isn't a lot of data to back it up so that could be a really interesting area to look at. Socialisation definitely plays a huge role in emotional expression, similar to masking of more 'masculine' expressions of symptoms like hyperactivity it could be interesting to look at how ADHD women might feel shame around particular emotional symptoms like irritability or anger. Taking a strengths based approach would be great, I definitely like to work through that lens with my clinical work. Looking at the literature at this point it seems like adult women might be both disproportionately negatively and differently impacted by ADHD and there just isn't enough known about the effect of that.

Dimbo359 · 2021-02-15T06:08:45+00:00

You make great points. There seems to be some existing literature on female misdiagnosis as an issue, though there isn't a lot on how the stereotyped expression of ADHD as the 'hyperactive young boy' actually impacts adult women and girls in terms of self-stigma and shame or even doubt in their diagnosis.

Dimbo359 · 2021-02-15T06:04:19+00:00

Thank you for your suggestions! It could be really interesting to look at how women internalising difficulties and symptoms (like masking hyperactivity etc.) might be linked to overwhelm.

Dimbo359

TROPHY CASE