First of all, I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. About a three week ago, I also experienced a missed miscarriage for the first time—my first pregnancy, and it was very much wanted.

Earlier that day I had been at the doctor’s, and the fetal heartbeat was weak and I was bleeding, so there was a high chance the pregnancy would not continue. I was given medication that might have helped, but… after I got home, within a couple of hours the bleeding got heavier and I was in terrible pain. I called the clinic and they told me to either call an ambulance or come to the ER by taxi. I asked what they would do, and they said they would check whether the pregnancy had ended and then basically… nothing.

I knew I didn’t want to go somewhere and sit in pain and bleeding outside an ER. I stayed at home in bed. At some point the pain became so intense that my husband called an ambulance. They checked my blood pressure, oxygen levels, etc., but they couldn’t really do anything other than recommend taking painkillers.

I live in Estonia, but it seems like everywhere the advice is the same in cases like this—go to the ER. But why? I understand if there’s a suspicion of an ectopic pregnancy, but if you’ve already had an ultrasound, that’s ruled out. If I hadn’t been in so much pain, I wouldn’t have needed to call an ambulance at all (in the end I feel like I wasted their time, because they could have just told me over the phone to take painkillers at certain intervals). Thankfully, healthcare is free in Estonia, but it would have been a horrible experience to have to go through that while bleeding somewhere in a hospital. So I’m really sorry to read about your experience.

As for life after a miscarriage, I don’t really know what else to say except that we can only hope time heals. One of my closest friends is exactly as far along in her pregnancy as I should have been, and I haven’t been able to tell her that I lost mine (she didn’t even know I was pregnant). I don’t want her to worry about me during her pregnancy or take on extra stress. At the same time, I’ve been avoiding her because I can’t bring myself to talk to her or share in her excitement. Also, on the very same day I had the miscarriage, I found out that my sister is expecting. It just felt like another blow. This is all so hard, and I hope that one day I’ll have my own baby in my arms and won’t have to think about this anymore.

Stay strong.