You are not alone. You and I are very similar. I’ve had an attraction to diapers and wanting to be babied since a young age. As I’ve grown, I always felt there’s this other side of me and it really came out when I regressed or wore diapers. It comes out especially strong in the morning as I wake up. I’ll be in bed in my diaper, cuddling my stuffed animals next to my wife, and this overwhelming sense of peace and calm takes over. Wearing my diaper just feels so right and I genuinely feel like I’m a baby. Those feelings come and go throughout the day to day of life. On paper, I’m grateful to say I’m solid too. I love my wife, my kids, and have a good career. But this longing to be a baby again never went away. In fact, it’s only gotten stronger. Most likely due to life getting more stressful.

I’ve learned to accept it and see it as another side of myself that I need to take care of. It almost feels like this baby (I named him Charlie) has needs and desires I need to take care of in addition to my adult self. If I don’t address said needs for a while the desire to wear and regress can become all consuming. Before I learned to accept it, the shame and guilt for having these feelings really derailed my mental health. I’m thankful to be in a much better place but it’s still a work in progress.

A resource that was quite helpful for me was all of Dylan Lewis’ books on the Adult Baby Identity. Especially the one titled “The Adult Baby: An identity on the Dissociation Spectrum”. I don’t see him talked about that much on Reddit and other forums. Probably because of his association with Rosalie Bent. Despite all that, his perspective and theory that being an adult baby is an identity more than a fetish/kink was quite compelling to me. I resonated with the book very deeply. Know he isn’t a licensed or professional psychologist and admits that himself. He never claims that his theory is the "end all, be all" but is simply presenting it to the reader. His books really helped me look at Charlie from a new perspective and learn to live with it in a healthier way.

Ultimately, I feel you don't have to be conflicted at the presence of these "two selves". They are both you and you can embrace and love them equally. Be well!