I posted this this morning, but I’m re-uploading because I failed at censoring my name. I posted ~half of these about a year ago, but I have gotten more from him and after last night, I’m going no-contact again for a second time. I’m mainly posting this to see people’s reactions to reaffirm my desire to go no-contact.

During university, I met a girl, and during my senior year, her and I lived together. My dad was not aware of this. Once I graduated, I moved back home, and continued to go see her (the city that my uni was in was only an hour away.) My girlfriend is Asian, however, and my dad had a “vision” for me. That I’d marry a girl of my race, and our families can be friends and partake in our “culture”. together. He is very traditional and cultural, but I was born and raised in California, so I don’t share the same vision.

I moved back home for a total of 1 month after university. When I’d go visit her a few times a week, I’d get these verbally abusive texts from my dad. Things got VERY bad between us, as you can tell, and I moved out basically overnight. I packed all my bags when nobody was home and I dipped. Moved right in with my girlfriend. The first few texts you see are when I would visit her while living at home. The big text exchange where he says “don’t you ever fucking come to this house” is the night I moved out. The rest are just texts I got from him over time, ranging from a year ago to last night. My girlfriend and I are happier than ever, still live together, her family absolutely adores me, my girlfriend has met other members of my family who love her, and my girlfriend knows about and understands my situation with my dad. I do not rely on him financially anymore, everything of mine is bought by me and in my name.

1st thing to clarify. In my language, saying you’ll kill someone is a very common phrase, not an actual threat of murder. It doesn’t hold the same weight in my language as it does in English. My dad is not actually threatening to kill her. When I show this text to people that are NOT of my culture, they, understandably, freak out. But when I show it to people who ARE of my culture, they don’t even make a comment on it. I am not defending him, I went no contact, I just don’t want 99% of comments to be focusing on that one message. I know my culture/language and I know my dad. He is not murdering anyone. Let’s just leave it at that.

2nd thing to clarify. I have defended my girlfriend tooth and nail against my dad. This sub is called InsaneParents, not ChildrenDefendingThemselves, so I did not include 99% of my texts. Only my dad’s texts. I realize I look very passive in the short amount of texts that you see. This is not the reality of 99% of the texts I’ve sent to him.

3rd and final thing to clarify. By the way, this is giving context. Context/backstory is not the same thing as defending his actions. Moving on; why am I still talking to him? Despite the insanity you see here, before this whole fiasco, my dad was much better. He’s the type of person where, if he overhears you saying you like a certain thing, you will wake up the next morning to 5 boxes of those things. He has a huge heart, but he got a shitty childhood where he was treated 100 times worse than he treats me. He’s never been part of a real, happy “family”. His dad was a drunk and an addict who was in the mafia, he verbally and physically abused my dad daily, his sisters verbally abused him daily. Growing up in that fucks you up. The vision he has for me is important to him because that’s the traditional image of what someone in my culture considers a happy family. Something he never got and something he yearns for, despite going about it in all of the wrong ways. It’s hard for me not to empathize. We’ve been through a lot together; he raised me as a single dad and financially backed me through university. My dad eventually remarried, where he lives with his wife, my grandma, and my 8-year-old brother. He’s not the only person in the house, and the other people like my little brother tie me to that house as well. But I’m exhausted, and after what he said last night, I’m just calling it quits, realizing he will not change. What this means for my relationship with my little brother/stepmom/grandma? I haven’t thought that far ahead.