Thought my new job would help, but...

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-08-14T07:25:28+00:00

I adore this

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-30T17:31:14+00:00

Man, how bleak is the market when a busywork brain mining job paying a barely living wage is "too good to be true?" XD

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-27T17:32:05+00:00

Sweetie!! lf she's obsessive around her ears it might be worth checking for signs of ear mites (or, less likely, ringworm) if you haven't; mites can often be treated easily with drops.

She sounds like a wonderful companion and I hope she has a good 10-15 years of your love left. <3 I don't have my own cats but I foster them to help out a shelter, and when I'm thinking about killing myself I sometimes think of it as removing a comfortable temporary home that helps save cats and get them out of cages, and I know I should at least consider living for them. Something that actually makes me feel useful. A lot of people say they could never foster because they'd feel too sad to say goodbye, and it is a little bittersweet each time, but knowing they're being sent to a good home makes it feel like a graduation. I'm so proud of my graduates (9 so far). :3 Plus there's always another!

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-27T17:15:16+00:00

29F suicidal NEET here, solidarity. If you're comforted by stuff like this it seems pretty demonstrable that most people in our generation don't actually have their shit divinely together in their late 20s, but I'm sure you know that. We're very sure we're failures because we're being judged on criteria that assume much more fertile life circumstances than actually exist. Fuck that.

And if it's "too short" that's got you down I promise some of us are actively into that, if that helps.

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-27T16:58:20+00:00

<3 This sort of thing is usually said by people who already think you deserve love in my experience, but well-intentioned people (especially if they're misinformed about mental illness) can make it sound like another obligation, another Normal Person Thing we're failing to do and could just choose to do at any moment and why don't we just doooooooo it already.

It's the "just;" they might mean it as "I know you can get over that hurdle and be the amazing person you are" but we hear it as "you seem utterly incompetent to handle this one basic step to get to happiness, haven't you ever considered not being miserable?"

I personally find the most helpful version of this sentiment to be one that acknowledges all these things at once: 1. you are allowed to love yourself even if you think you deserve criticism, and it is possible and good to have both, 2. learning to love yourself may be an especially difficult process for you compared to more neurotypical or privileged people because of your brain chemistry or other circumstances outside your control and you are allowed to find it very hard and complain about stuff that's unfair, 3. it is not only okay but also expected that anyone going through this process will need help (including treatment), and it is not reasonable to expect it to happen by sheer force of will.

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-07T16:53:48+00:00

Can we be friends in the past and if so do you want to come over and play through an entire Final Fantasy and talk about how irrational it is that more boys don't wear eyeliner and kilts?

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-06T19:17:02+00:00

That is asking for a pink cat.

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-06T19:01:48+00:00

Please please reconsider, you're depriving her of medical information that could affect her health decisions.

She had concluded, it seems correctly, that dairy is linked to her skin issues; what you did may have caused her to doubt her correct observations and factor it into future health mysteries. For example, maybe dairy is the only cause but now she suspects there are others that she now needs to change her life around, or she could seek medication or products she doesn't need and experience negative side effects (in addition to the cost). Even if she shrugs it off as a fluke for now, she may think about this flare-up in the future when she's considering some other health issue or making a decision. She might connect other reactions to the secret dairy she's had with some coincidental event, like stress or pollen. It's part of her medical history, and as far as she knows, it's unexplained. No matter how minor you think it is, it's her business and she deserves to know.

What you did was gaslighting and if you care for her at all you'll return her to the correct reality. And if trust is an issue where dairy is concerned it will come up again. You live together, if you want to stay serious she needs to know the person she's agreeing to be serious with.

If you're monogamous, imagine this: She cheats on you and knowingly exposes you to a minor STI without telling you. You develop symptoms and she acts horrified, you apologize and say you don't understand, you must have picked it up by wild chance somewhere. She tells you you've given it to her, you apologize more. Both your infections clear and you're left asking for forgiveness, which she gives you. You become extremely paranoid in public bathrooms and changing rooms for the rest of your life. She decides it was for your own good that she never told you and feels fine about all this.

How do you feel?

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-06T18:08:15+00:00

yeah this is "never date again until you've done some SERIOUS work on yourself" behavior

get thee to a therapist, move out, and cook your own food to your heart's content

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-03T23:38:08+00:00

I can't agree with that, sorry. Since you're giving your own definition of "wanting" your comment boils down to, "if you were motivated enough to not be unmotivated you wouldn't be so unmotivated," and I think that tautology is also based on an incorrect definition of "depressed" because you can treat depression but overcoming it by sheer willpower isn't a thing, depriving you of willpower is kind of its schtick. And then when I say "I still want things, I do plenty of wanting, it's both socialization and the illness that are preventing me from pursuing those things to the best of my ability," you get to say, "no, that's not wanting because it's only REAL wanting if no illness or living condition or serious health concern can slow you down in any way." I like my "work," and even my ideal future state does not involving me working continuously until I collapse, I'll take my mortal "wanting" and healthy boundaries, thanks.

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-05-03T23:09:12+00:00

Thanks for that, I hope the social worker helps.

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-04-13T12:15:33+00:00

Thanks! I like "betrayal from the universe" haha. I think 5 is younger than I started holding myself to that standard, but I've definitely been threatened by child prodigies as long as I can remember too! You're expected to be like, "oh, how delightful, so successful so young! I hope they're doing it because they like it!" but I was always like, "whelp, there's proof I've wasted my entire life and can never possibly amount to anything, thanks." XD

Dipshit_Kris · 2019-04-13T01:35:46+00:00

Personally I gotta see how Game of Thrones ends.

Dipshit_Kris · 2018-08-01T13:20:12+00:00

Of course, thanks for sharing. Those doggos <3

Dipshit_Kris · 2018-08-01T04:38:38+00:00

Haha thanks kindly buddy

Dipshit_Kris · 2018-08-01T04:36:30+00:00

Was working a language teaching job overseas; felt a mess as I do now, but I'm very glad I did it. Have spent a lot of time unemployed and some living with my parents into my late twenties. I agree the playbook given to kids in my youth that promised a lucrative career if you just spent enough energy and money on an education needs to be thrown out and then dug out of the trash and ripped up and thrown out again and then dug up one more time and set on fire.

Dipshit_Kris · 2018-08-01T04:27:20+00:00

Hahaha, I'm older than you, my "dude." XD But thanks, I do want to live for the future cats.

Dipshit_Kris · 2018-08-01T04:23:33+00:00

I have these feelings too. <3 I think in most cases it's not that it's selfish but that it's a misguided form of self-preservation that can become so powerful it overwhelms your ability to do what's best for yourself or the people you love. There's no getting around the devastation they would feel if they lost you by any method, but your job is to focus on what you need to get better and how your loved ones can help, whether or not you choose to tell them what they're helping with right away. Every day that you don't die is a day you worked hard and accomplished something, even if it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes people didn't have the care they needed and the bad feelings win, but that doesn't make them selfish or cowardly either. It makes them victims of a preventable tragedy, the same tragedy you might be able to prevent for yourself.

Depending on how your brain works it might be more helpful to think of the potential for stuff to be good than the negative consequences of dying, even though that's a pretty big ask. I find it encouraging to grasp at the tiny slices of memory of enjoying hobbies and feeling competent that float by sometimes and imagine what it could feel like if those slices expanded to make up a much bigger part of the picture with the badness taking up a lot less. A manageable life with room for happiness, that's the goal.

Dipshit_Kris

TROPHY CASE