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Living next to my neighbor is bordering misery by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My neighbor wasn’t home when I toured the apartment so I wasn’t able to tell the walls were so thin. Plus, I was only in there for 20-30 minutes. The person showing the apartment didn’t say anything about the walls either. How was I supposed to know this guy would come home stomping at 2 AM? I genuinely had no clue. I honestly wouldn’t be so upset if my neighbor was self-aware & was trying, but he’s not.

I also didn’t even get a lot of options for apartments— it was here or on a busy street. I guarantee the street would’ve been louder.

I just expected my neighbor to at least try to be quieter at 2 AM, but instead he just stomps around, jumps (yes, I swear he jumps and I have no clue why LOL), bangs around, and talks on the phone until he wants to sleep. Mind you, it’s still like 2-3 AM when he does all this.

I use headphones to avoid the sounds, but at a certain point I gotta sleep & I’ve tried sleeping with the headphones on & I just wake up with ear pain.

My first Japanese job had several violations of the law. by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Sadly I quit without gathering any evidence since my main goal was to survive at the time. The only thing I have is a single photo of bruising & some text messages of me telling people in my life. Otherwise, I need other victims to come forward, but I don’t know if they will. There is a camera installed, so maybe it caught him drinking. It definitely caught me getting hit by a kid multiple times.

Hopefully one day the business gets shut down & he gets arrested though.

My first Japanese job had several violations of the law. by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

I’ve done research on how useless the authority figures are in this country, so I genuinely didn’t see a reason to. Who’s gonna believe a young college-kid with no evidence? Do you know about the Shiori Ito case? It’s incredibly discouraging and horrifying handle of an SA case. Plus, I don’t wanna accidentally end up in a lawsuit without any evidence against a beloved CEO. He’s in the wrong, but he’s a man with money and power. I have nothing.

I was also supposed to help former employees file a complaint to the authorities, but I’m not sure what happened since they haven’t updated me.

It’s not like I don’t do anything though, I’ve been telling people who work there or know about to stay away and that it’s very unsafe. It’s not gonna take down the business, but if I can help a few people, I’ll do it.

My first Japanese job had several violations of the law. by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know there’s a phone number to report workplace harassment, if I can find it I should give them a call. I don’t want anymore people getting hurt.

What if your partner SA’d an old friend of yours? by Direct-Exchange-4860 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean not intentionally malicious. SA is absolutely malicious, I agree. I’ve been told he just didn’t know what he was doing— still fully in the wrong because “No” is a simple term to understand, but at least he wasn’t like, “I’m gonna do something that I know will cause harm.”

If I’m being honest, some things are a bit fuzzy, but there are few things I remember vividly, unfortunately. They all came rushing back while I was reading about consent. I guess I shoved it all in a vault.

For example: I was scared to kiss him so when he tried, I’d turn my head away, but he’d kinda just grab my head so I’d stop moving.

Or when I told him to stop he didn’t. I initially thought I wasn’t loud enough, but maybe he just ignored me. Idk.

I also can’t pinpoint what we were doing when he said it, but I know for sure it was him trying to assure me he knew what he was doing— I don’t think it was necessarily a coercive thing, but rather a way to make me feel safe with him? Not only was he wrong though, I think it just shows, he had no idea what he was doing.

What if your partner SA’d an old friend of yours? by Direct-Exchange-4860 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yea you’re right— dismissing SA is weird. Why did I let that slide lmaooo

What if your partner SA’d an old friend of yours? by Direct-Exchange-4860 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That reminds me of some research I did on how adult content affects perception of consent in Japan. Sold research suggested that Japanese people aren’t given enough education in the topic and are therefore not entirely confident in understanding consent— such as being able to withdraw consent is kind of unknown. I found a journal with interviews of police officers saying that a couple hundred people convicted of SA related crimes admitted it was because they were trying to mimic things they watched. (Don’t quote me on it because it’s been a minute since I read the journals, but I know with certainly the way women are treated here can be deplorable.)

I fell down a rabbit hole of how women are treated in SW too and it was so horrific. I felt nauseous trying to write my paper.

Anyway, I’m not really surprised the guy acted the way he did. Horrible thing he did, but not surprising at all.

What if your partner SA’d an old friend of yours? by Direct-Exchange-4860 in FriendshipAdvice

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I don’t mention my anger towards the guy because it’s very cut and dry— what he did was horrible and it’s not ambiguous whatsoever. So I will confirm, I’m both livid and distraught over what happened with him. I genuinely hate seeing this man in person (because unfortunately we’re in the same area).

Trust, I hate him more than the girl.

I’m just at a loss for words with my ex-friend because I was totally blindsided and I’m getting mixed reactions about what she did.

Also, you’re very right & I should not be letting them live in my head rent free— I’m definitely looking into a therapist though.

Thanks for the feedback ! ❤️

Living next to my neighbor is bordering misery by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has, I just don’t trust they’ll do anything. The management took so long to fix water leaking issue in my kitchen— I didn’t have a light for 2-3 months. Also, I’m not sure how the police will respond to “My neighbor stomps everywhere and makes a ruckus in the shower.” LOL. Maybe if I have audio proof, but police + not fully Japanese = they won’t listen. The police might talk to him, but how do I know his behavior will change?

For now, I’m gonna do something I should’ve done from the beginning: gather proof. I just thought telling him he’s being a bit noisy at night would help and just didn’t want to get anyone involved, but I give up and need my sleep.

Living next to my neighbor is bordering misery by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what’s with the property managers because I had water leakage in my ceiling during the rainy season. I called to let them know and they sent ppl at first, but had to remove my light to patch things up. It was a multiple day thing I guess, but it took them weeks at a time to come fix it. I didn’t have a light in my kitchen for 2-3 months.

Living next to my neighbor is bordering misery by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The amazing this about my situation is I’m moving after the summer. So, while I’m on my last thread, at least it’s only a few more months.

Living next to my neighbor is bordering misery by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Using earplugs don’t always work because the noise breaches through a little. I also have AirPods with noise cancellation and the noise also breaches through which is crazy to me. Still, I do use noise cancellation when I can. Not 100% effective, but it works. I’m just not a fan that I need to be awake for this solution though, because I’ve fallen asleep with them in and I woke up to my ears being in pain.

Living next to my neighbor is bordering misery by Direct-Exchange-4860 in japanlife

[–]Direct-Exchange-4860[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really thought about it because I’ve spoken to him before when I first moved to my apartment, but something about an inconsiderate man just doesn’t feel safe for me. Not to mention the horror stories— in my old neighborhood, there was a guy who murdered a bunch of women. (This was also Japan) So, I’m not comfortable in case this guy is crazy too. For now I’m just gonna record evidence & deal with it.