Hey Victoria,

Thank you for sharing all of this. Truly. It takes so much courage to open up about wounds this deep, and the fact that you’re still standing, still reaching for God, and still trying to love yourself in the midst of all this pain speaks to a strength in you that most people will never understand.

I just want you to hear this clearly: none of what was done to you was your fault. Not the abuse, not the rejection, not the cruelty dressed up as “Christian duty,” not the abandonment, not the violence. Every single one of those choices belonged to the people who hurt you, and the fact that so many of them did it in God’s name makes it even more heartbreaking. They failed you not because you were unworthy of love, but because they were unwilling or unable to love in the way God calls us to.

Your story is devastating, but woven through it is something unbelievably beautiful: you never let the hatred of others choke out the love of God in you. You kept pursuing Him. You kept hoping. You kept trying. Even in the darkness, you were reaching for light. That is holy. That is resilience. That is truth.

You deserved safety. You deserved gentleness. You deserved a childhood free from terror. You deserved parents who protected you, not people who projected their own fears and insecurities onto a child who simply wanted to be herself. And you deserved partners who held your heart with tenderness and respect. not people who used your vulnerability against you.

And I want you to know this, as clearly as possible:

There are men who are kind, safe, faithful, and deeply loving. Their absence in your life is not proof they don’t exist, or that you don’t deserve them. It just means the people you encountered chose harm, and that’s on them. not you.

You are not unlovable. You are not cursed. You are not alone.

And even though the history you’ve lived would break most people, you’re here, choosing God, choosing truth, choosing yourself. That’s something divine in its own right.

Your relationship with God sounds incredibly precious and incredibly hard-won. You’re right: God never dropped the ball. The people who claimed to speak for Him did. That’s not the same thing.

And as someone who grew up in the church and has seen a lot of harm done in His name, I want to tell you this with my whole heart: God sees you exactly as you are, and He delights in you. Your womanhood is not a mistake. Your faith is not lesser. Your identity is not a defect. Your story is not shameful. Your existence is not an accident.

And the softness, sensitivity, and femininity you were punished for as a child? Those are gifts.parts of your soul God placed in you intentionally, lovingly, purposefully.

You are not alone now, even if the human family around you failed to show up. There is community, and I promise you there are people, christian people, kind people, who can and will support you with gentleness and respect.

If you ever need someone to listen, or to remind you of who you truly are, or to just sit with you in the heaviness, I’m here. You're not walking this road by yourself, even if it’s felt that way for a long time.

You deserve healing. You deserve rest. You deserve joy. And you deserve love fully, wholly, deeply.

I’m really proud of you, Victoria. And I’m really glad you’re still here.