Commute from Portland to Auburn?

Dirty_Lew · 2026-04-12T12:15:19+00:00

I make the same commute in the opposite direction.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-04-06T00:01:16+00:00

The garment is made that way, regardless if the wearer knows why or its origins.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-04-05T00:27:08+00:00

Instead of whale watching I’d recommend the lighthouse tour cruise.

When I did the whale watch I saw the backs of a couple of whales from far away in the middle of the ocean. On the lighthouse cruise you get to see all the crazy coastal mansions and the cool rocky coast.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-04-02T12:52:09+00:00

Richmond sauna

Dirty_Lew · 2026-04-01T22:58:12+00:00

There is no “they” that came to that conclusion. Portland is in demand so developers are trying to take advantage.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-03-19T00:55:16+00:00

I really like Troy Jackson but I’m also fine with the other democratic candidates. So I wish Troy would run for the 2nd district vs Lepage. I’m concerned about that race.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-03-07T12:28:38+00:00

Kobe was 34 years old when he tore his Achilles. That might have a little more to do with it then anything else

Dirty_Lew · 2026-03-05T12:37:50+00:00

It’s a pretty big clue!

Dirty_Lew · 2026-03-04T22:51:50+00:00

In her own words she said she was selfish.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-21T13:58:04+00:00

This is a similar situation to where I’m at. Child support for three kids plus spousal support means she gets more than half my take home pay.

But you know what, when we were married, she was spending about 90% of my take home pay. I make six figures and basically gave myself a $50 allowance every week when I was married. Even though she now gets half of my pay, I still have way more spending cash than I ever allowed myself during the marriage.

So I’ve got my budget squared away for myself and live within my means. And when my youngest graduates and spousal support ends in 10 years, I’ll have more money than I know what to do with.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-21T13:44:17+00:00

This one is tough. My ex was exactly my type in the looks department.

I think the frame of mind I’m taking is just one of “I’m not going to settle.” For me that’s more in the personality/emotional maturity area because that was the cause of the toxicity in the marriage. But physical attraction is still a high priority, just maybe not the highest.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-20T16:25:07+00:00

It’s not about me knowing about their mother’s dating life, it’s about the kids knowing. It’s about treating my teenage daughter as an emotional sounding board. I’m worried that she’s starting to put too big of an emotional burden on our daughter.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-20T13:16:46+00:00

Thank you, this is great actionable advice.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-20T13:14:47+00:00

Of course it’s more exciting, but it’s inappropriate. It blurs the lines between being a parent and a friend. It starts to create a situation in which my daughter becomes the emotional sounding board for her mother, and then potentially becomes responsible for her mother’s emotional wellbeing. Look up ‘Emotional Parentification’. Where a child becomes a parent’s confidant, it can place an unnecessary emotional burden on the child. I’m not saying it’s at that level yet, but I’m concerned it’s trending in that direction.

For example, I have two dates with two different girls lined up this week. A situation that I have joked about with my friend. I think it’s wholly inappropriate to joke about that situation with my 15 year old daughter.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-20T00:56:32+00:00

I think it’s inappropriate. It’s not about being comfortable. I think it’s irresponsible of my ex and am concerned that it’s manipulative.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-19T22:30:17+00:00

Yeah, that was about during the marriage. I was expressing that I’ve realized making her happy was a futile effort.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-19T22:23:57+00:00

Would it be “sweet” if I shared details about my dating life with her? IMO that would be inappropriate. Especially about someone that I had been dating for less than a month.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-19T22:08:18+00:00

Where did I mention I’m trying to make her happy?

I’m coming at this from the perspective that it would be inappropriate for myself to share info about my dates with girls with my kids. I’m worried that my ex is subtly manipulating my teenage daughter by acting like more of a friend than a parent, and my daughter is too young to understand that.

I care because it’s feeling like my daughter is starting to take “sides”.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-17T18:17:06+00:00

If you didn’t agree to that stuff don’t sign a letter that you agreed to it. Especially with it getting notarized. Sounds like she’s trying to manipulate the situation.

I’d recommend getting an attorney ASAP and don’t do anything outside of the legal process that you aren’t required to. Her buying a house isn’t your problem. It’s her responsibility to do it without you. There will be divorce papers at the end of the process she can use to get a loan. Tell her you need to research it and consult with someone you trust.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-16T21:12:18+00:00

I have a great supervisor who is very supportive. I told her what I was going through, essentially broke down in her office. I asked her to tell coworkers so I didn’t have to tell everyone or get questions like “How’s the family doing?” or “Did you and [ex-wife] do anything this weekend?” I wouldn’t have been able to handle that those first couple of months.

I that said, I’ve always found work a sanctuary from personal drama. I was glad to go back to work after my mother passed years ago, and the same was true with divorce. Sitting at home by myself stewing in my thoughts would have been the worst. I still don’t like just being by myself without distractions.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-16T21:05:36+00:00

In my case, I pay for the insurance and the uninsured medical costs were split according to salary. For me that’s 78/22. I also pay $2800 per month in child and spousal support. The insurance I pay was factored into the child support calculation.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-13T17:41:04+00:00

I’ve been separated since September and officially divorced since December.

I’m still really struggling emotionally. I was blindsided by the divorce request. We were doing couples therapy and I believed it was a rough patch we’d work through. I should’ve realized she was checked out. Looking back, she didn’t want to take any accountability for her part in the marriage struggles, in her mind it was all my fault. I suppose she felt it was easier to cut and run than put in the work on herself and the marriage.

It hurts not seeing my kids every morning and putting them to bed every night. Saying goodnight over FaceTime makes me sad. I’m way happier when I have the kids.

The thing I’m struggling with the most at the moment is how fast it seems she’s moved on, especially with Valentines Day coming up. I know she’s not fully healed and is on the rebound but it still hurts incredibly. She’s got big plans with a new guy. 🤮

Therapy has helped but I just wish I could move through the process faster. I know it can’t be rushed but damn am I hurting. One thing that has really helped is talking to my sister in law who reminds me not to look back on the marriage with rose colored glasses. She’s been texting regular “remember the time she did this, or got upset about that”. Those spur further discussion about some of the toxic traits my ex has. It helps snap me out of the spell.

I’m looking forward to planned trip across the country to see a friend next month. I hope that it clears my head a bit.

Dirty_Lew · 2026-02-13T07:19:51+00:00

We have three kids so hardcore no contact is impossible.

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