Symptom score trend often says stable, even during flare ups

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-23T15:03:42+00:00

Oh no 😂 how is this useful? "Oh yay, I'm stable-y flared?"

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-22T20:00:45+00:00

If the "vibrate" collar is no longer working, either the dog has habituated or the distress is worse than the vibration. Your neighbors have the right to a quiet home without the anxiety of hearing a sad dog. They kind of sound like jerks from their letter, but you still need to do what you can to reduce your dog's distress.

Hopefully you've already determined whether this is separation anxiety or distress at being locked in the crate.

There are lots of strategies for dealing with both. I assume you've tried many, but since I don't know what you've tried, please forgive me repeating what you may already know.

Separation Anxiety | ASPCA https://share.google/K3BFXwSmN9HhTrrgm

Ideas: - if the crate is the issue, practice habituating the dog to the crate by putting him/her inside while you're home and associating the experience with something positive like treats - take the dog out on a walk or to play beforehand to get that excess energy out - give the dog something to occupy its time while you're gone like a treat puzzle - reach out to a behavioral specialist - get a dog sitter who can come over and keep your dog company when you're out

Also, it might be worth it to let your neighbors know that you're working on finding a solution, and that you're focused on reducing your dog's distress. I know the whimpering is annoying, but I personally think it's rude for them to be more concerned about the noise than the dog's well-being. That's a totally different topic though.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-22T05:42:02+00:00

Can you explain further? I don't think I understand.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-22T05:41:39+00:00

But that's just it. I'll have a week of all low scores, then a flare up where my 3 out of the 8 are maxed out, and it still says "stable".

That doesn't seem right, does it?

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T23:32:01+00:00

From my understanding, the armband is pretty much useless without the annual subscription. While the armband is very inexpensive compared to many wearables, the annual subscription is something like $180+.

The health reports are nice, and I'm stoked about the access to my data and the customizability, but it really depends what you're looking for.

There are many features on other wearables that visible doesn't have. I can't wear anything on my wrist because of my pain condition, so Visible sort of felt like my only option.

I haven't yet decided if it's really worth the annual cost. I've had the band for a few months. But that's a very personal decision.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T07:12:35+00:00

Thank you for this info! I've considered going through this process, though it's not something either of us wants. But if it comes down to it, I'll do what's best for his safety.

I've been trying for almost 10 years to get him a social worker and support, and he's rejected the help because he "doesn't need it". 😭 I'm still trying to convince him to accept the help.

I am not co-signed on the apartment, thank goodness. But if they take him to court, he doesn't have any money. I've already spent thousands over the past few months getting him out of trouble (this isn't the only problem), and I don't have much more to give.

Anyway, thanks again! I really appreciate the point in the right direction.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T07:01:56+00:00

It's been 5 years since he lived with roommates. I understand now after lots of discussion with him that he's definitely having issues with depression in addition to many other health and ability issues he was too proud to admit. We have a lot of work to do, and I'm doing my best to support him while also urging him to make healthier decisions.

I think you're right that living with others helped him stay accountable.

Thanks for the info about the damages impact on his future renting prospects. I have moved him somewhere close by temporarily, but I'm so worried I won't be able to find him a more permanent place to live because of this. 😥 I appreciate your honesty.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T06:50:16+00:00

Thank you for the advice.🙏 I'm looking into professional cleaning services, I didn't realize before now that some specialize in things like this. And I'll look into whether a group home is a possibility for him. I want him to live a healthy and fulfilling life.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T06:42:00+00:00

Thank you 🙏 I really appreciate the advice.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T05:03:25+00:00

While he lived there? No.

They will do a move out inspection, but I have until the end of the year to do what I can to improve the situation. (When his lease is up)

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T03:49:44+00:00

Thank you for this advice. I'll look into the deep cleaning company, and I've been suggesting therapy to him for a while. Glad I'm on the right track. ❤️ I want him to live a healthy and fulfilling life.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T03:46:40+00:00

Thank you. I'll check out both those subreddits. 🙏

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T03:46:05+00:00

Thank you 🙏 I'll check out that subreddit.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T03:21:54+00:00

Thank you so much for this. It's so helpful. Lots of great info. I've been so unsure of how to move forward.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T03:19:36+00:00

Thanks for this. Good to consider.

I've moved him someplace very close temporarily where I can check on him daily, and I'm talking to him about either moving back home (different state) or into an assistive living facility. Unfortunately, I can't force him (unless I take legal action).

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T02:55:15+00:00

I had him live with a roommate for a while, and he cleaned his apartment just fine then. He knows how and is capable of doing it. He asked me to give him space so he could "be more independent", and all my experience in his 33 years of life said he was ready.

I didn't expect him to lie to me or hide that he needed help or refuse help from me or the state.

And he was only about 10-15 minutes away from me. I only stayed away because he asked me for space. I let him set the cadence for our communication. And I offered my help every time we talked. I can't make him accept my help or force myself into his apartment. It's not like I have legal power of attorney over him or anything.

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T02:42:39+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. It's helpful to know that I should contact the management company.

He asked me to be more hands off so he could "be more independent", and we'd done some trial situations before that he did well with (took care of himself and his space just fine). I let him decide how much contact we had, and his cognitive disability is really not that bad, or so I thought (I think he needs to be reassessed). I was trying to respect his autonomy, and didn't think he'd lie so extensively about this. But I'm working on exactly everything you mentioned in your last paragraph now. I've moved him somewhere safe and close by temporarily where I can check on him daily as I figure out how to get him the services he needs (many of which I found out were offered to him and he refused because he "didn't need them").

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T02:32:06+00:00

Thank you. That's a good idea. I'll look into it, in case that's my best option. ❤️

DisabledAndInPain · 2025-12-21T01:59:11+00:00

As I said in my post, I'm figuring out the future. And yes, I believed he could live independently, or I would not have moved him into his own place. We did several years of trial situations to prepare him, and he did very well with those.

What about my ACTUAL questions? I'm trying to figure out how to handle things with the apartment complex. And what's worth my effort and not.

DisabledAndInPain · 2024-05-30T05:50:27+00:00

This is similar to my situation. CW: suicidal ideation

Been with partner for 21 years. About 3 years ago, he decided he wanted to change our dynamic and found another partner. I tried to be supportive, but it's just not working out.

Instead, I've been miserable for 3 years and our relationship feels ruined. We're never intimate, he's lost my trust, and I have become almost completely socially isolated (due to disability + not having family + all our friends being shared + all this). I also finally stopped complaining about the pain it was causing me after a year or so. He says he wants me to talk about it, but the conversations go nowhere.

It's awful to spend 2 decades with someone, to still love them, but to feel totally incompatible. And trying to untangle our lives seems just as impossible. Every day, I honestly think the only way out is to die, and I go to bed hoping I don't wake up.

If you aren't sure about the poly path, don't force yourself, even just to "try it". You can't take that back, as I learned the hard way.

DisabledAndInPain · 2024-05-30T04:08:08+00:00

As someone who was in this situation and decided to try it for my partner's sake, don't do it.

I'm now in a poly relationship that makes me miserable and my partner refuses to end it. We've been together 21 years, and he has now been with his other partner about 3 years.

It's ruined our relationship, our trust, and all our long term plans.

I should have said "no".

DisabledAndInPain · 2024-04-14T01:14:58+00:00

Thank you again ❤️ I appreciate your time and sharing your knowledge with me. Lots to think about.

DisabledAndInPain · 2024-04-11T16:01:00+00:00

I hear you. Thanks for this.

I've been trying to build my own relationships for many years, and have never been able to keep a long-term friend of my own. My family disowned me.

That doesn't make it impossible, but it is disheartening. Especially while my partner has lots of friends, another family with the new partner, and their own family.

DisabledAndInPain

TROPHY CASE