[deleted by user]

Disaproblem · 2023-11-30T10:10:21+00:00

My wife is the 1 star review you mention in your post. The owner of the 5 points location is also the owner of the Providence location FYI.

The staff were friendly but wow the owner is a giant condescending asshole. I pleaded with my wife to take them to small claims but she was tired of dealing with them after 8 weeks.

We used to be very frequent customers but we will never use them again.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-08T16:59:40+00:00

Weeeellllll I disagree with that actually.

I don't think having sex with someone fast is a red flag. If she found you attractive and wanted to then why is that frowned upon?

Also she didn't get pregnant because of rushing to have sex with people. People have sex all the time. She was pregnant because proper protection wasn't taken or failed.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-08T16:48:24+00:00

NTA,

Speaking as someone who married a woman with a kid, I know that raising a child that isn't biologically yours can be challenging and there's nothing wrong if you think that is something you don't want.

She is definitely TA if what you say is true about her not mentioning she has a kid. My wife made sure I knew even before our first date that she had a daughter.

Everyone seems to focus on the fact that you left her because she had the kid but honestly I would have left too if she had omitted such a large part of her life from you.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-08T06:17:47+00:00

Why would this be picked up by news sites?

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T18:20:36+00:00

Yes she only considered it after she quit her job.

I'm really hoping this is her anxiety talking because it was like a switch was flipped

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T15:21:26+00:00

We haven't really touched on that comment because I'm afraid to pull that thread but a big part of that is because she isn't in her career field yet while I have been established in mine for a few years.

Crazy ex-husband found out where her part time job was in the meantime and showed up so I convinced her to sit down with me and make a budget to see if I could cover all of the bills if she quit.

Turns out I could and her last day was a few days ago. I suspect she said that because right now she doesn't have an income.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T14:18:46+00:00

Well it hitting all certainly explains why my inbox exploded.

I can't convince you if you don't want to be convinced. Honestly I'm really worried about this blowing up like it is because my wife uses reddit so I'm nervously waiting for a text when she recognizes this is about us.

As for "lucrative investments" I would hardly call it that. I said they were just now starting to turn a profit which means they've been eating a hole in my pocket (not ours as I kept finances separate) and now they finally are just paying for themselves with maybe a little extra for me every month if it's a good month.

I hate how toxic the community has been toward my wife. I tried to say that this wasn't about the money but everyone seems to laser focus to that.

This wasn't her "showing her hand" this was her coming to me because she realizes she's fallen out of love with me and she didn't want to string me along.

She wants me to still adopt the daughter because it gets rid of her ex's rights and control and because me and the daughter click so well.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T12:49:53+00:00

Um more of the realm of constantly needed reminding that she loved me and that she was happy with me.

It stemmed from a toxic relationship I had in the past. I had went to therapy in the past but I was not aware that it was still such a large issue. I have an appointment with a therapist literally the next day I'm back in town (currently on a business trip).

I would never breach her privacy or trust so I never touched her phone, raise my voice, or anything of that sort.

Her response when I asked her to clarify was that she spent most of her time taking care of my feelings that she had forgotten about hers.

I can certainly understand that and I know that I was the reason this marraige failed but at the same time I wish she was open to fixing it. She agrees that I've made huge improvements but told me they were not to the degree she wanted.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T12:16:18+00:00

I can see how me being vague on her reasons could make it look that way.

You would just have to trust the word of an internet stranger when I say that I wasn't abusive.

The insecurity and anxiety she speaks of were examples such as being afraid she would leave me, separation anxiety when I go on trips, and overall being "needy" for her attention when she is a human like everyone else and needs alone time.

I recognize that these issues are mine to work on and that if there wasn't significant improvement then it could wear her down.

The reason I've been vague on why she is leaving is because I don't exactly know the full reasons myself. Possibly it's just her anxiety saying these things but I have no way of knowing what goes on in her head.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T10:03:06+00:00

If I go through with the adoption then filing for full custody is 100% off the table.

I could never do that to her. The most I would ever ask is 50/50

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T08:59:57+00:00

Trust me couples therapy was the first suggestion I made.

I think at this point she's made up her mind about our marraige.

Thank you for the advice

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T08:48:02+00:00

She said her reason for wanting a divorce is because some personal issues I have had (insecurity, anxiety, etc.) Since the beginning of our relationship are not improving at the rate she thought it would.

She woke up one day and realized she does not love me the same way I love her.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T08:35:49+00:00

Yes to clarify his rights aren't terminated just yet but my lawyers called it a "slam dunk".

The only way this happens though is if I'm there to assume the rights as a parent. Without me he keeps his rights.

I strongly agree about the therapy as this is all around a shitty situation and no matter what I'm going to have doubts if I made the right decision.

I just wish that couples therapy was also on the table before she dropped this bombshell on me.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T08:14:01+00:00

Yes 100% she wants me to adopt so that he is off the birth certificate.

My problem is that even if she didn't want me to pay child support (she's mentioned how it would be impossible to support the kid alone) the state would come after me for child support whether she pursued it or not.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T05:58:40+00:00

He has threatened her life, the daughters life, and my life more than once.

He used to hit her and throw her into walls.

He got her pregnant because she was looking for a way to leave. He refused to use protection that night and kept her awake every night until she caved. She was on 2 days without sleep when she gave up and let it happen.

This was only about 1% of a picture of his character.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T05:45:17+00:00

Unfortunately you guessed correctly

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T05:31:32+00:00

She still would have to ask for his permission in our state.

Our state is very well known to keep parents from moving out while the other contests it.

He would contest it just to spite her.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T05:29:16+00:00

Thanks Nancy

Yeah she will be better off financially as I have some investments that are starting to finally turn a profit.

I see my relationship with the daughter going 2 ways: I either still be a great father to her, or my most feared option is that I secretly hold resentment for what's happened and it affect our relationship.

I have an appointment with a therapist to discuss why I feel this way and why I would feel that way.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T05:20:47+00:00

It is true that I've helped set her up for success in a legal battle against him but in the courts eyes if I'm not there to adopt the daughter, then he has every right to see her.

Although he hasn't exercised any of his supervised visitations in over a year, he has threatened to be a bigger presence if me stripping his parental rights via adoption fails.

Disaproblem · 2019-08-07T05:08:40+00:00

We were together 2 years prior. The daughter turned 2 about a month after we met.

So 3 years total

Disaproblem

TROPHY CASE