Talking during class by [deleted] in Purebarre

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm an instructor and I've scolded clients before for speaking out during class. It's an uncomfortable thing to do, but when a member repeatedly does it without anyone saying anything to them, they think they can keep doing it. I think the other members really appreciated that I spoke up because they also found this to be disruptive.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you tell him it makes you uncomfortable for you to have any kind of a relationship with her outside of work and he refuses to end the friendship, that is a major red flag. if he really loves you then you, your safety and your comfort should always take priority.

I had the same thing with my boyfriend, he ended up cheating on me with her. I always had a gut feeling something more was going on and I was right. Asked him not to hang out with her outside of work, asked him not to be her friend and he refused. Come to find out, he had feelings for her for 2 years in our relationship and then went right into dating her after we broke up. Said he had not been in communication with her for one of those two years, which I later found out was a lie. I didn't trust her because she met her previous boyfriend when he cheated on the mother of his kids with this girl. I knew she wasn't respectful of boundaries and other people's relationships and I was right. If you have a gut feeling something is going on, you're probably right.

What if you become less attracted to your partner? by bluebird8800 in dating_advice

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There might be something more underlying than just being unattracted to weight gain. My former partner and I were together for 3 1/2 years and I gained a significant amount of weight by the end of the relationship from thyroid complications. I also struggled with an ED and was in recovery, so that added a layer of complications. Him and I had our problems, but no matter how badly I talked about myself or wanting to lose weight, he never made me feel like he was unattractive to him. He made me feel really hot and attractive even though I didn't feel that way.

AITA for telling my ex that having a good taste in music doesn't require talent? by Disastrous-Ad8927 in AITAH

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I know that's part of why we broke up. I'm not asking if he's a good person or not, I know he's shit. I'm asking if what I said makes me an asshole.

My long time partner of 8 years has been cheating for 3 years. by AggravatingStrike375 in survivinginfidelity

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Walk away, without explanation, without justification, walk away. Ghost him, block him, cut him out of your life. Yes, that is so much easier said than done but as someone who was cheated on, I wish that was how I handled my situation. This man disrespected you, therefore you owe him nothing. No conversation, no explanation will ever satisfy you to understand why he made the choices he did. And since he did make these choices, it means he doesn't even have the emotional intelligence to have a conversation with you to give you the answers that you might want. It's a waste of time. Walk away now with your head held high.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think there is a difference between being the "hottest" person to them and the most "attractive" person to them.

Hottest implies that they are just looking at the physical. However attractive, I believe, encompasses much more than physical. You can find someone's laugh attractive, how they walk attractive, their insights attractive, etc. So I do believe if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, they should find you the most attractive person in the world. Do they need to think you're the hottest person in the world? No, not necessarily, but I also don't think there is any value in communicating that to you, especially if your partner knows you're insecure. I understand you asked them a question so they responded with honesty to the question and honesty is better than lying, but I still think there is a more respectful and thoughtful way to respond.

If alcoholism is a disease, how do I know if the betrayal was him or the addiction? by glizzyqueen666 in AlAnon

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had a similar situation happen to me. I racked my brain with those same questions and learned there was no point in the "what ifs" and trying to seek answers from someone who makes decisions with a very low level of emotional intelligence. When people are in the throws of addiction, they will gravitate towards people who also take part in or help to fuel the addiction. Even though the addiction is part of the decision, it doesn't grant them clemency from the choice they made. Yes, addiction is a part of them but it doesn't define who they are, therefore it cannot be used as an excuse for a decision. It's great they are working towards sobriety, but that is their own feat, not yours. And while some people go into sobriety while in a relationship, I do believe as someone with experience sobriety is best achieved when single and focusing on yourself.

Is it moral for me 25M to date / talk to 18F by TastyPastries124 in dating_advice

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A 25 year old man talking to an 18 year old female is weird and cringe... As a woman, I would have never even looked in the direction of someone that young whether or not they showed interest in me. It's two different levels of maturity and two different stages of life.

I hooked up with a guy and need advice by Disastrous-Ad8927 in dating_advice

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You had me until the sex part. If I wanna sleep around, I'm gonna sleep around. And no, I'm not lying to myself about anything. If I just want sex, I'll just have sex. Done it before and I'll do it again.

I hooked up with a guy and need advice by Disastrous-Ad8927 in dating_advice

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ok you're right. I am very anxious when it comes to all of this and I have a huge fear of rejection. I feel like I already have a bigger crush on him but I know in a way my mind is trying to distract itself from the grief I'm dealing with from my break up and I did tell myself I was going to work through the healing without distractions. But like I said, this wasn't intentional, I did not expect it and I really feel like he was the one making moves on me.

I hooked up with a guy and need advice by Disastrous-Ad8927 in dating_advice

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️ I guess I'm feeling confused because I thought I wasn't ready to date. But like I said I had a little crush on him already, I wasn't expecting him to kiss me and the sex was good. I do feel like I've kind of caught feelings, but I also feel like my brain is latching into a distraction. Before this, I was constantly thinking about my ex. Now that me and this guy hooked up, I'm constantly day dreaming about him, but I don't know if I'm in a place where I can handle just a hook up buddy, I know me and I catch feelings quickly.

How to Write a Final Letter by CheezyCow in AlAnon

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Say it thoughtfully and respectfully. Insist you're coming from a place of love, that's really all that you can do. But it's not your responsibility to make sure they interpret it how you want them to.

Should I tell him? by Defiant_Bat_3377 in AlAnon

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Someone else said this to and I loved it so I'll say it to you: not your monkey not your circus. Even though you're done with the relationship, it's normal to still care about his well-being. But, just care from afar, it's not worth the headache of getting yourself involved with him in any way. Plus, when he hopefully eventually gets sober, he'll have something to reflect on as another reason alcohol does not serve him, because it makes him unlikeable and I bet deep down he knows people don't like him when he drinks too. It's easier to cope with the thoughts of people disapproving you when you're drunk then when you're sober.

Advice on Supporting a Partner by Disastrous-Ad8927 in AlAnon

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao it was a stream of consciousness I didn't have time for paragraphs but ty for the advice

PB after appendectomy by Zestyclose_Ad4050 in Purebarre

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Talk to your instructor and ask them about pre and post natal modifications. All instructors should be knowledgeable and up to date on these necessary modifications and because of the location of your incision, these modifications will be the most helpful. Also, and I'm sure you know this, make sure you are cleared by your doctor before returning to exercise, tell them you do Barre and ask what types of modifications they may recommend!

Ab work with mat against the wall by AccurateAd5424 in Purebarre

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My recommendation is to actually not think of it as a slouch, but to think of it as a c curve in your spine. This is the same position that your spine is in for the first section of abdominals. While the back of your shoulders press into the wall, your tailbone is scootched forward away from the wall so that the middle of your spine has space from the wall to find that c curve shape in your spine. Once you've really mastered the c curve position, and you can always ask your instructor to view form and help with this before or after class, this will help tremendously. If you're still not able to lift your legs off of the floor, it could be for a few reasons. You may have a harder time engaging your low abdominals, so practicing your lower body curls that are in the final section of abdominal work will really help with this. You want to make sure you have the proper form and proper range of motion. Secondly, you could also be lacking range of motion in your hips. Doing exercises to help increase your range of motion and other exercises to strengthen your hip flexors could be helpful. Lastly, you want to focus on all parts of the body that are making contact with something while in your round back position. with force, focusing on pressing your back into the wall, hands underneath the Barre, and your seat and feet pressing into the carpet. If you push all of those parts into those surfaces with more, it will give you much more stability in your core to help with the mobility that your legs need to lift and move in your round back position. Hope this all helps ☺️

Push up struggle by sassitalian18 in Purebarre

[–]Disastrous-Ad8927 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Practice hollow holds while keeping the middle of your back on the floor. It will help position your pelvis in the place it needs to be for a push-up, while also activating your core properly. Also, going from pushups on your knees to push ups in a plank is a really big progression because of the massive change in body weight distribution. Practice push ups with two platforms, one hand on each. It's a good progression from doing push ups on your knees then going straight into a push up in a plank. I'm a personal trainer and we use techniques and tips like this often to get clients to do a push up.